wonderifshelikesme Posted July 7, 2009 Posted July 7, 2009 Soooo...I am enlightened enough to know that girls in general do not always orgasm and perhaps do not more often than they do. Still, most of my past meaningful relationships, I know for a fact my partners did orgasm at least somewhat often. I am absolutely not trying to say they did every time or make any such claims, but anyways... I am absolutely happy and so in love with my girlfriend, and we both think this really might be it! It's going great...our sex life is pretty much amazing too. Very adventerous, passionate, loving, we are definitely on the same page and can't really keep our hands off each other. My girlfriend though has difficulty orgasming. She never really has been able to do so easily, and even with her toys it's not easy. I have given her an orgasm three times, once through "amazing oral sex" and twice using one of her toys amongst other things. I give he oral sex often, she's so sexy, I love it, but this one particular time really got her. My girlfriend is 21 and has been on nuvaring since she was 15 or so, so pretty much her entire active sex life. Recently we stumbled upon some information on the internet about females having trouble achieving orgasm after starting Nuvaring. It was interesting to read one post that sounded exactly like my girlfriend! She has to focus so hard without any distractions whatsoever and a continuous repeated motion for 30 minutes at minimum and she finds it to be so mentally exhausting typically that having an orgasm is much less pleasureable when she is able to obtain one. She will often come close and then lose it, and she's "back at square one". She literally will have to hide her face under a blanket or pillow, can't even have the A/C on, no distractions...even say if she's using a toy, she will want me to also have intercourse with her (maybe slowly...) or tease her thighs or wherever else she asks, but even this will distract her so she cannot orgasm. She gets really frustrated and feels bad for me, although I tell her I love her and she's so sexy and I don't care about how long it takes because I'm totally into her and enjoying every second...but it frustrates her still and makes it even more difficult for her. We stayed up so late Saturday night and spent 2 hours at it of continously focusing solely on giving her an orgasm and finally she did have one, albeit a frustrating one for her. She will say things like, "What's wrong with me? I hate my body!" I always tell her No baby... Anyways though, apparently some females have had orgasms fairly regularly from both intercourse and oral sex and then after using nuvaring began experiencing difficulties. I saw instances with a couple of 5 years suddenly having difficulties, and a girl that wasn't able to either with her boyfriend or vibrator. Any reasoning why? Similar experiences? Any advice/ideas? She's going to talk to her doctor later in the month--but I'm not sure what his take would be. She likes the nuvaring as a contraceptive but really does experience stress from her orgasm difficulties. I would love any advice or help you may have!
Intricategirl Posted July 7, 2009 Posted July 7, 2009 I didn't have a lot of experience when I was on Nuvaring, but now that I think of it, it was more difficult to orgasm. I eventually had to get off of it for other reasons, and while I like the convenience of it, it just wasn't right for me.
Author wonderifshelikesme Posted July 7, 2009 Author Posted July 7, 2009 We were wondering also if a doctor may have anything to prescribe to increase the ease of female orgasm? I would think this would be a miracle drug if it existed and we would probably know about it already =) She's willing to try without the birthcontrol because she says...imagine having this your entire sex life and not knowing! But, she says she just wouldn't like any other form of birth control so we'd likely just use contraceptives. That would be fine but ideally I think she loves the convenience and safety of the Nuvaring, but the side effect she (may...) be experiencing does really impact her life. Even if it was just a problem unrelated to the ring or you told me this wouldn't change, I wouldn't care less, I'm so in love with her but I know it can be frustrating for her and shoot if it's something like the ring causing her trouble orgasming...would love to clear that up so she can enjoy it as much as possible! Keep in mind she's very sexually liberated and knows her body well, so I don't think it's an issue of not knowing what turns her on, etc. I also don't expect her to simply orgasm in 5 seconds, I try to go out of my way to tease her for a long time, foreplay, emotional and mental connection, let her know how beautiful she is, how much I am into her, whisper things into her ear, just really every little thing and I listen closely to her and even say--I'm not going to be offended, just show me exactly as you like it...so I think we are doing literally everything right and everything possible...I literally have seen her using toys for over 30 minutes and can't quite achieve it though. Ahhh we are in love and think we are going to get married so any advice would probably just help us so much! Thanks again guys!
portcitykitty Posted July 7, 2009 Posted July 7, 2009 I've been on the ring for almost a year, and I can't say it's made it harder for me to achieve orgasm. I'm used to "playing solitaire" and I always succeed rather quickly. Now when my bf gets in the picture, I can't ever orgasm, even if I play solitaire in front of him. Personally, I think it's my nerves. I try to relax, he does what you do, and I have the hardest time trying to get one (maybe cuz I try TOO hard?). We both get frustrated about it. But, they say the ring (or any BC) affects everybody differently. Good luck with your situation!
rod_in_gtown Posted July 7, 2009 Posted July 7, 2009 Have you tried finding her g-spot? g-spot orgasms are very different but very potent. Of all the women I've been with, about 80% of them had never had their g-spot stimulated. And I'm talking about women who have been sexually active for over 10 years, and some claimed they had never had an orgasm while in the same room as a partner.
rachel m Posted July 7, 2009 Posted July 7, 2009 I have been discussing this very topic with my doctor! My libido drops everytime I use an hormonal contraceptives, which in turn makes it harder to orgasm. The doctor confirmed that some women do react this way. I have tried the nuvaring and while the drop in sex-drive wasn't as bad as with the pill, it did occur. I am thinking of trying either an IUD or the Mirena. While the Mirena is a hormonal method, it doesn't have oestrogen, which might be the cause of my drop in libido.
rod_in_gtown Posted July 7, 2009 Posted July 7, 2009 I have been discussing this very topic with my doctor! My libido drops everytime I use an hormonal contraceptives, which in turn makes it harder to orgasm. The doctor confirmed that some women do react this way. I have tried the nuvaring and while the drop in sex-drive wasn't as bad as with the pill, it did occur. I am thinking of trying either an IUD or the Mirena. While the Mirena is a hormonal method, it doesn't have oestrogen, which might be the cause of my drop in libido. My ex gf of over a year ago had a cliff-dive of a drop in her libido, and when I suggested she ask her doctor about a hormonal imbalance due to her BC, she became very offended and told me that it was just the way she was and that I had no business suggesting that there was anything wrong with her.
bac Posted July 7, 2009 Posted July 7, 2009 You are in a very difficult situation because you want impossible. Yes, females have a lot of fake orgasms and regularily because they have no choice. When a man have sex, he is on his big EGO trip into his manhood. Other words, he needs a fake female orgasm to prove his ability to satisfy female. Many females can not orgasm with vaginal sex easily and many do not know even how to orgasm with masturbation. But they do not tell men all these details. The reason for the problem with an orgasm is that females are humans with low levels of testosterone in blood and high levels of estogens in blood. Testosterone produces high libido, erection and ability to orgasm. On the other hand, estrogen decreases all of them. A female was made to be a mother primarily, not a sexual predator. If you want a real female orgasm or even multiple orgasms, the best way to go to find a female who naturally can have orgasms easily. There are some females who genetically have higher levels of testosterone in blood. But they have all other characteristics related to high testosterone as well. They think and behaive a little bit more as males. Testosterone provides high libido, so they do want to have sex and a variety of partners. Do you want your potential GF to have a strong desire for different males all the time? There is no way to find out about an female orgasm if it was real or fake because it can be totally undistinctive.
rod_in_gtown Posted July 7, 2009 Posted July 7, 2009 Forgot to add that she was using a hormonal BC as well as Gardasil.
rachel m Posted July 7, 2009 Posted July 7, 2009 My ex gf of over a year ago had a cliff-dive of a drop in her libido, and when I suggested she ask her doctor about a hormonal imbalance due to her BC, she became very offended and told me that it was just the way she was and that I had no business suggesting that there was anything wrong with her. Aye! I'm glad for you that one is in the past! It's not like you were actually suggesting there was something wrong with her! Since my sex-drive has dipped in the past, I know how sensitive the topic can be. I don't think she approached it in any helpful way however. It did take me some time to put two and two together and figure out that the pill was responsible for the dip in sex-drive, so I can understand why she would get defensive. The first time my libido dropped, I felt guilty and I held to the line of "well if you love me, the fact that I no longer have a sex-drive shouldn't bother you". And the thing about those hormonal methods? Just like PMS, they totally feel "natural" and "real". I now realize hat reaction was extremely selfish on my part, since intimacy is an important part of most relationships.
rod_in_gtown Posted July 7, 2009 Posted July 7, 2009 Aye! I'm glad for you that one is in the past! It's not like you were actually suggesting there was something wrong with her! Since my sex-drive has dipped in the past, I know how sensitive the topic can be. I don't think she approached it in any helpful way however. It did take me some time to put two and two together and figure out that the pill was responsible for the dip in sex-drive, so I can understand why she would get defensive. The first time my libido dropped, I felt guilty and I held to the line of "well if you love me, the fact that I no longer have a sex-drive shouldn't bother you". And the thing about those hormonal methods? Just like PMS, they totally feel "natural" and "real". I now realize hat reaction was extremely selfish on my part, since intimacy is an important part of most relationships. Yeah, this was her line throughout the whole thing. She was very stubborn and constantly was competing with me about almost everything so even though I told her it was not about me winning or me being right, I just said that she might want to discuss it with her doctor and see what the doctor had to say. I'm no doctor but I noticed the difference between her having to be with me 2-3 times a day to no sex for 3 weeks in a 4 month period was not normal. Of course her consistent refusal to even consider it and rejections to my advances made me feel unwanted and unloved. It's not about us "unloading", we're not just huge sacks of wad, we want to feel close to you and feel loved and the intimacy of sex is an important part of that. She didn't get that.
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