OFGnomore Posted July 7, 2009 Posted July 7, 2009 I'm always a little suspect of these "better than ever posts" so close to a disclosure but admittedly we all have to find our own path to healing. For those long timers on the board who've seen just about everything take place under the sun with affairs and recovery. Are there stories where these "better than ever" posters actually end up betrayed again? I'm talking both betrayed men and women. And also, it's worth to mention that those who have been get divorced and may never post here again so it seems like it all works out for everyone here. The most amazing story I read recently was about an OW who spread it around town that MM was a louse, he played the collaborative part against OW with his W and then ended up marrying OW 2 years later!! Or a woman who had a 4 year affair, was caught by H. H threatened xMM with a gun. 2 years post bust, xMM still "checks in" with xOW. Even after dissing her in public with the usual I love you W and xOW is crazy. Enough to make your head spin. How do you know for sure what's real?
bentnotbroken Posted July 7, 2009 Posted July 7, 2009 I believe there are exceptions to every rule, but I have no clue as to who that exception really is. IRL, I don't know of any that turned out the way the AP hoped or that remain friends...though anything is possible.
Owl Posted July 7, 2009 Posted July 7, 2009 I've seen several on this forum alone over the years. A couple of posters, whom I considered "friends" online...who started around the same time I did ended up in this category. They thought that the reconciliation was going great...then BAM!!!, they find out the affair never truly ended. Is it possible that I could end up in this category? Of course. Do I think it's likely? Of course not, or I'd have left a long time ago...LOL!!! All you can do is learn as much as you can from what happened before...apply it to your marriage, and do your best. There's NEVER a garauntee in this life.
Author OFGnomore Posted July 7, 2009 Author Posted July 7, 2009 I believe there are exceptions to every rule, but I have no clue as to who that exception really is. IRL, I don't know of any that turned out the way the AP hoped or that remain friends...though anything is possible. Exactly, IRL. But what I'm referring is the secret keeping that still goes sometimes after things are "out in the open". I think the posters in this forum are pro marriage which is why I'm here . But it was on this board that I read about the "crazy OP" who put posters around town outing MM and then they ended up married??!!! I'm sure if I spend enough time here, things will surprise less and less.
2sure Posted July 7, 2009 Posted July 7, 2009 Well, I have to admit that the things I have seen IRL challenge the wildest stories Ive read on here. But it isnt that hard to tell the real posts from the make believe. First, some "make believe" posts are real facts to the poster - they are often just so skewed that is obvious only to those who are objective. I guess. THAT being said...I cannot help but stress one point I have learned here and IRL...infidelity - the whole process from meeting, D-Day, Discovery/Divorce...have elemental patterns that are nearly never missing. We are all individuals , marriages are all unique...but so many affairs and affair partners are...amazingly identical in their patterns. When the patterns are not evident in a post...I doubt its validity or at least the perception of the poster.
Reggie Posted July 7, 2009 Posted July 7, 2009 Well, I have to admit that the things I have seen IRL challenge the wildest stories Ive read on here. But it isnt that hard to tell the real posts from the make believe. First, some "make believe" posts are real facts to the poster - they are often just so skewed that is obvious only to those who are objective. I guess. THAT being said...I cannot help but stress one point I have learned here and IRL...infidelity - the whole process from meeting, D-Day, Discovery/Divorce...have elemental patterns that are nearly never missing. We are all individuals , marriages are all unique...but so many affairs and affair partners are...amazingly identical in their patterns. When the patterns are not evident in a post...I doubt its validity or at least the perception of the poster. I think there is some similarity in patterns but there is enough variation among the personalities involved so as to make a story beleivable despite it being outside the patterns. Sociopaths and lifelong philanderers do not seem to show the same signs as the one timers, as they do not have to deal with guilt or cognitive dissonance. Many times, they seem the most benign in their treatment toward their WS while cheating as they feel no need to demonize or rewrite marital history. They simply have no need to justify what they view as acting on their entitlement. Some folks are accomplished liars while others are not and act differently. Both my XWs were serial cheaters but they are as different as night and day.
Recommended Posts