rachel m Posted July 7, 2009 Posted July 7, 2009 I'm away on vacation and I sent my bf pictures of my friends and I at the beach.... His reply? He needs a closer look at the girl in the black bikini, a friend of mine, blond and bodacious, who cannot be confused for me. I'm upset. Classic question: am I overeacting?
Jersey Shortie Posted July 7, 2009 Posted July 7, 2009 No, that's really disrespectful. You have a right to be upset. It might not be breakup worthy but you could send him back a cheeky reply. Something like "Sure, thing..only if you can get me a picture of your cute friend Adam".
boogieboy Posted July 7, 2009 Posted July 7, 2009 No, that's really disrespectful. You have a right to be upset. It might not be breakup worthy but you could send him back a cheeky reply. Something like "Sure, thing..only if you can get me a picture of your cute friend Adam". you could go with this ^^^, I like this answer Or you could tell him that truth and say "thats not cool". You really should be clear in what you dont like.
torranceshipman Posted July 7, 2009 Posted July 7, 2009 Yea, say not cool - make him feel like a very unclassy dumbass for saying that. Of course people always check each other out, but the value is in the discretion and in respecting the other person i.e. not shoving it in their face.
Author rachel m Posted July 7, 2009 Author Posted July 7, 2009 No, that's really disrespectful. You have a right to be upset. It might not be breakup worthy but you could send him back a cheeky reply. Something like "Sure, thing..only if you can get me a picture of your cute friend Adam". you could go with this ^^^, I like this answer Or you could tell him that truth and say "thats not cool". You really should be clear in what you dont like. Yeah, that is a good answer Jersey Shortie. I already replied something along the lines of "that's not cool", but I'll keep it in mind for when he replies.
Author rachel m Posted July 7, 2009 Author Posted July 7, 2009 What upsets me the most is that this is a man in his late thirties. This kind of behaviour I would expect from a teenager or someone in their early twenties.
Author rachel m Posted July 7, 2009 Author Posted July 7, 2009 Yea, say not cool - make him feel like a very unclassy dumbass for saying that. Of course people always check each other out, but the value is in the discretion and in respecting the other person i.e. not shoving it in their face. Especially when they are 400 miles away and missing you like crazy. What would prompt a guy to make a comment like that?
Jersey Shortie Posted July 7, 2009 Posted July 7, 2009 Yeah, it seems like he is either just that socially inept or was trying to get a rise out of you. I don't know. I know it's not pc but I do sometimes think you need to show others how something feels when done to them or they just don't get it and have the same sensitivty to you. With in reason though.
dreamergrl Posted July 7, 2009 Posted July 7, 2009 Freaking men.. I'd be upset at this too. I'd be like, why the hell do you need a closer look at that girl when you're suppose to be with me.
Author rachel m Posted July 7, 2009 Author Posted July 7, 2009 Or he's mistaken me for his best buddy Adam .
Thaddeus Posted July 7, 2009 Posted July 7, 2009 Yea, I have to concur with most of the above posters. The guy was out of line. Break-up worthy? Probably not, but it certainly wasn't the smartest thing he's ever done.
LovieDove24 Posted July 7, 2009 Posted July 7, 2009 This man needs two things: -A lesson in maturity -And a good slap upside the head. Totally disrespectful.
Adunaphel Posted July 7, 2009 Posted July 7, 2009 Especially when they are 400 miles away and missing you like crazy. What would prompt a guy to make a comment like that? Jealousy. Insecurity. Being away from you, missing you, being reminded that you are spending a lot of time in a bikini/swimsuit and that other guys are probably checking you out, glancing at you, noticing you, possibly hitting on you. Do not be too hard on him. Unless he is a jerk. He is not usually like this, is he?
lora22 Posted July 7, 2009 Posted July 7, 2009 Jealousy. Insecurity. Being away from you, missing you, being reminded that you are spending a lot of time in a bikini/swimsuit and that other guys are probably checking you out, glancing at you, noticing you, possibly hitting on you. Do not be too hard on him. Unless he is a jerk. He is not usually like this, is he? You may be right; in which case he still needs a lesson in maturity, dating, and so on - because making comments like that is NOT the way to make her more interested in him, it's just pushing her away. Any girl's reaction to that statement would be "EW!" Kinda sad that an almost middle-aged man would act like that.
Ruby Slippers Posted July 7, 2009 Posted July 7, 2009 Wow, what a douche. Seriously, late 30s? That comment would really turn me off. I love JS's response, but I would add to it: "Sure, in exchange for a picture of your cute friend Adam in his swim trunks/a speedo/his underwear."
Adunaphel Posted July 7, 2009 Posted July 7, 2009 You may be right; in which case he still needs a lesson in maturity, dating, and so on - because making comments like that is NOT the way to make her more interested in him, it's just pushing her away. Any girl's reaction to that statement would be "EW!" Kinda sad that an almost middle-aged man would act like that. Well, he usually is a nice and respectful person I guess that a "hey, your comment did sting" kind of response followed by some clarification talk is more than enough. Also, in case (which so far is just a possibility) his comment was only a jealousy reaction, it could be very constructive to talk about it - and a great occasion to learn more about one another. Perhaps he thought she was trying to make him jealous. While a gratuitous attempt to make her insecure would be worrying, misunderstandings happen, and little stingy reactions are quite human, too.
lora22 Posted July 7, 2009 Posted July 7, 2009 Perhaps he thought she was trying to make him jealous. I didn't even think of that!
Author rachel m Posted July 7, 2009 Author Posted July 7, 2009 No, he's usually a lot more classy then this and all about making me feel like a million bucks... Which is why the comment really surprised me. I'm starting to wonder if he isn't mistaking another one of my friends ( wearing a dark blue bikini) for me... People have said in the past that we look alike. I don't see how me sending him pictures of my girl friends in bikini in what is obviously a secluded beach could make him feel jealous. I don't get it. It isn't like him, or at least it isn't how I imagine him. I sent him a scatting email when I got the message and I now regret it.
Epsilon Posted July 7, 2009 Posted July 7, 2009 It's possible he was just trying to crack a joke to get a rise out of you. I think the "Adam"-style reply would be very appropriate here as a joke If he replies back with a clear joke then it'll be more obvious, but if he's upset or disappointed or keeps asking, then I'd wonder.
Author rachel m Posted July 7, 2009 Author Posted July 7, 2009 It's possible he was just trying to crack a joke to get a rise out of you. I think the "Adam"-style reply would be very appropriate here as a joke If he replies back with a clear joke then it'll be more obvious, but if he's upset or disappointed or keeps asking, then I'd wonder. I already made it clear that the message upset me so it's too late for a joke. But what do you mean if he keeps asking? If he keeps asking about my friend ?
rod_in_gtown Posted July 7, 2009 Posted July 7, 2009 Sounds like he's a stand up guy that probably made a mistake, or maybe attempted to make a joke to make himself seem less vulnerable. I know if I was in his situation and missed you like I'm missing my girl (and we've only been apart 4 days), I wouldn't want to sound like a puppy "I miss you and pictures of you in a bikini is just making me miss you more". If you feel like you know him and this sounds like it's VERY unlike him, it's likely there's a break in communication somewhere in there. I would suggest you try to find out what he meant before making a judgment and write him off as a jerk.
Author rachel m Posted July 7, 2009 Author Posted July 7, 2009 Should I try calling him or wait until he responds to my scatting email??? I'm starting to feel guilty about sending it.
Jersey Shortie Posted July 7, 2009 Posted July 7, 2009 What did this "scathing" email say? I would wait. I still kind of think your boyfriend was a jerk.
Author rachel m Posted July 7, 2009 Author Posted July 7, 2009 The scathing email laid it on thick. Basically I said I would prefer he send me pics of hot actresses rather then point out he was drooling over my friends. I finished the email saying I thought his comment was tasteless, just to make sure he would realize I was being sarcastic.
Recommended Posts