Stockalone Posted July 7, 2009 Posted July 7, 2009 I think Jersey is dead on the nose with her comparison. Her views and my views do not always match up, but her line of questioning in this thread is sound. I agree, that there are differences. In a similar thread, someone said that if the man gets to watch other women, the woman should be allowed to let other men watch her or to send them pictures of her. If she takes issue, most men on here will tell her she is being controlling and insecure. Whats the big deal, he came home to you didn't he? The same would be true if the roles were reversed. I would freak out if my SO did what you described in your example. And I would also be told that I should consider myself lucky that my gf is so desired by other men. And that she is with me, that she chose me and not them. If I am also not too happy about the clothes she picked out for that night (because I find them too revealing and don't like other men to ogle her), insecure and controlling would probably be a few of the nicer things I'd get to hear. All Jersey is asking is if it would be unacceptable to any guys reading, if their GF/wife came home to them with her blood up over her interactions with random guys. She didn't go home with them - so what's the big deal? Yes, that would be unacceptable. But you still have to solve such issues as a couple. Employing a tit for that strategy to level the playing field or to retaliate doesn't really work. Eventually, what it comes down to, is to find someone who you are compatible with. For example, if I had a GF who would do what you have described in your example, and in return "allow" me to go to strip clubs, that would not help me. Because I have never been to a strip club in my life and I also don't watch porn in a relationship. Her offer would not solve the problem I have with what she is doing. In a similar way, just because I am not into strip clubs, I cannot force her to stop revel in the attention from other men if that is what she feels entitled to. *sigh* Well, I guess I was asking too much to get direct answers to the questions I posed. Well, that is because you didn't provide a specific example to base the decision (acceptable or not) on. With the example provided by Sally, my answer is that this would be absolutely unacceptable to me.
sally4sara Posted July 7, 2009 Posted July 7, 2009 These aren't the same. In the first scenario, the man is paying the stripper. She's doing a job and not genuinely interested in the guy. In the second scenario, the woman isn't paying the guy she's dancing and he is genuinely interested, not doing a job. Besides, the equivalent of a woman going to a club and getting turned on by other guys would just be a man going to a club and getting turned on by other girls. If you want to equate the visual/verbal, a better analogy would be: Men - Go to a strip club. Women - Call a phone sex line. In each instance the person is spending money and interacting with someone doing a job, a job for which they're paying. I disagree because I know from guy friends who have gone through a strip club stint; they are not always thinking about the money they're spending vs what they're enjoying about the visit. And being a female, it is safe to say I know what would give me the same enjoyment in a comparable situation. Interestingly enough, they DO have agencies who provide this service to women. It is always put in the same light as strip clubs are for men. The service is what is a woman's ideal date always is but rarely happens. A hot guy who takes them to a nice dinner and then dancing (and he actually knows how to dance ), is full of the kind of compliments women really want and then doesn't push for sex!
RunawayTrain Posted July 7, 2009 Posted July 7, 2009 Glad to see the generalization of a gender is alive and well. Most men would say this most men would say that blah blah blah. Unless you went door to door and took a gender census I don't think your "generalization" merits anything other than personal biased experiences.
sally4sara Posted July 7, 2009 Posted July 7, 2009 I think the real truth is that alot of guys recognize the hypocritcal view points they have when it comes to them indulging in their sexuality and not really wanting women to indulge theirs unless it is directly related to his benefit. Just as you are known for your dogmatic attacks. You pretty much summed up the whole board. Guess we can close up shop and head out. Kinda like you always assume people who were not even wishing to attack you must be attacking you. And then delve even deeper into your defensive mode. Ever thought about how, should you meet a guy who shares your views, this quality might hinder him from viewing YOU in a positive light? damn Jersey! I wasn't even trying to futz with you! This happens EVERYTIME I speak to you directly. Why is that?
Iced Mocha Posted July 7, 2009 Posted July 7, 2009 These aren't the same. In the first scenario, the man is paying the stripper. She's doing a job and not genuinely interested in the guy. In the second scenario, the woman isn't paying the guy she's dancing and he is genuinely interested, not doing a job. Besides, the equivalent of a woman going to a club and getting turned on by other guys would just be a man going to a club and getting turned on by other girls. If you want to equate the visual/verbal, a better analogy would be: Men - Go to a strip club. Women - Call a phone sex line. In each instance the person is spending money and interacting with someone doing a job, a job for which they're paying. How about paying the guy and having "phone sex" with him in person face to face, like guys do with strippers?
GorillaTheater Posted July 7, 2009 Posted July 7, 2009 How about paying the guy and having "phone sex" with him in person face to face, like guys do with strippers? How about we not do things that could hurt our SO? Jesus.
Iced Mocha Posted July 7, 2009 Posted July 7, 2009 How about we not do things that could hurt our SO? Jesus. Yeah I know Gorilla Theatre, it's about finding theoretical equivalents
Author Jersey Shortie Posted July 7, 2009 Author Posted July 7, 2009 No offense but alot of guys still go to strip clubs and watch porn even if it hurts their SO. If you find things that are comparable, maybe there will be some understanding. damn Jersey! I wasn't even trying to futz with you! This happens EVERYTIME I speak to you directly. Why is that? You're just that special Sally.
clv0116 Posted July 7, 2009 Posted July 7, 2009 This one is predominately for the guys but of course, Of course, but she has to be willing to share it as a couple. Secrets are evil with very few exceptions.
clv0116 Posted July 7, 2009 Posted July 7, 2009 .... viagra isn't cutting it. Viagra is marketed to women anyway, to feed to their men so he can get it up for her saggy old ass. How many Viagra commercials have you seen where it's a single guy getting ready to hit the nightlife? Zero. It's always some old couple looking lovingly in each others eyes. Like Bill Maher said, "Bob Dole doesn't need Viagra, he needs a 19 year old."
Thaddeus Posted July 7, 2009 Posted July 7, 2009 Like Bill Maher said, "Bob Dole doesn't need Viagra, he needs a 19 year old." CV, you owe me a new keyboard. Coffee just erupted from my nose and splashed all over...
clv0116 Posted July 7, 2009 Posted July 7, 2009 CV, you owe me a new keyboard. Coffee just erupted from my nose and splashed all over... Same happened to me when I first saw that clip. Love him or hate him, that man is funny and insightful.
tanbark813 Posted July 7, 2009 Posted July 7, 2009 I disagree because I know from guy friends who have gone through a strip club stint; they are not always thinking about the money they're spending vs what they're enjoying about the visit. That's not the point. You were comparing a paid service to a non-paid social outing. Interestingly enough, they DO have agencies who provide this service to women. It is always put in the same light as strip clubs are for men. The service is what is a woman's ideal date always is but rarely happens. A hot guy who takes them to a nice dinner and then dancing (and he actually knows how to dance ), is full of the kind of compliments women really want and then doesn't push for sex! Now that sounds like a more comparable example. How about paying the guy and having "phone sex" with him in person face to face, like guys do with strippers? Guys don't have "phone sex" with strippers. If you whip it out and start masturbating in a strip club a large man will quickly escort you to the door.
carhill Posted July 7, 2009 Posted July 7, 2009 1. Sure. Smart men encourage their women to use tampons for such fluffing as this leaves them free to do more manly things. 2. Yes. As long as she's spreading her legs or lips for him, it really doesn't matter to him. If she stops, he replaces her with someone who has her priorities more aligned with his.
butcher's hook Posted July 7, 2009 Posted July 7, 2009 Guys don't have "phone sex" with strippers. If you whip it out and start masturbating in a strip club a large man will quickly escort you to the door. I feel I should jump in because I am the one who brought up this example in another thread and hence Jersey decided to post this thread. A woman, if you will, gets aroused with communication moreso than she would if she just saw a naked man dangling his dick right in front of her. So supposing that phone sex arouses a woman to the brink of climaxing much as a naked girl would for a man, I thought they would be comparable examples given what each sex finds arousing. All you "I am woman hear me roar" type women, please spare me with the "I get off on men's naked bodies just as much as guys do, communication is irrelevant to me" Well good for you. The example was for the types of women who need a little more than just a naked penis. Back to your super cave you go, "Superfemmes"...:laugh: At any rate it seems to be a point of contention with guys, the phone sex thing... and I am getting the response I much anticipated from men. It's funny when you put in other terms of comparison how the same men who are all for "let me have some fun with lap dances" react to being told what would you do if your woman wanted phone sex from strange men in order to screw you?
tanbark813 Posted July 7, 2009 Posted July 7, 2009 I feel I should jump in because I am the one who brought up this example in another thread and hence Jersey decided to post this thread. A woman, if you will, gets aroused with communication moreso than she would if she just saw a naked man dangling his dick right in front of her. So supposing that phone sex arouses a woman to the brink of climaxing much as a naked girl would for a man, I thought they would be comparable examples given what each sex finds arousing. All you "I am woman hear me roar" type women, please spare me with the "I get off on men's naked bodies just as much as guys do, communication is irrelevant to me" Well good for you. The example was for the types of women who need a little more than just a naked penis. Back to your super cave you go, "Superfemmes"...:laugh: At any rate it seems to be a point of contention with guys, the phone sex thing... and I am getting the response I much anticipated from men. It's funny when you put in other terms of comparison how the same men who are all for "let me have some fun with lap dances" react to being told what would you do if your woman wanted phone sex from strange men in order to screw you? I think you misunderstood me. I was the one who made the phone sex comparison in this thread (post #23) and said it was a good one. What I was objecting to in the post of mine you quoted was the "in person" part.
butcher's hook Posted July 7, 2009 Posted July 7, 2009 I think you misunderstood me. I was the one who made the phone sex comparison in this thread (post #23) and said it was a good one. What I was objecting to in the post of mine you quoted was the "in person" part. Ohhhh I see what you meant. My apologies I had not read post # 23. Yes I see what you were saying now, thanks for clarifying.
You'reasian Posted July 7, 2009 Posted July 7, 2009 I've already stated my views on strip clubs, and was going to try to stay away from Jersey's thread, but this hit home with me. For about a year, some half-dozen years ago, I was on anti-depressant meds. It had the predictable effect on my libido. My wife subtly indicated dissatisfaction with our sex life and, wanting to satisfy her, I'd look at porn in an attempt to get aroused more often. I did what I though best at the time. Any attempt to shame me for it will be met with silence. Or a personal attack. One of the two. Sorry to hear about this and no - I'm not going to personally attack you but its not going to stop JS relentless anti-porn/anti-strip club argument, unless of course, some guys gets on here and creates instigating, anti-sex toy posts - I'm sure she would try hard to keep away from that.... wanting to have cake and eat it too
RunawayTrain Posted July 7, 2009 Posted July 7, 2009 Ok you want a lapdance, then go to a male strip club that caters for women and get yourself a lapdance by a man, you cannot get more equivalent then that. Tit for tat is the name of the game I see it.
You'reasian Posted July 7, 2009 Posted July 7, 2009 Sex toys are much worse than porn or strip clubs ever could be.
RunawayTrain Posted July 7, 2009 Posted July 7, 2009 I have a large circle of friends, co-workers etc. Strip clubs is so late 1990's early 2000 it is not fun to do anymore. I don't know where the OP got her information from but from a very social males perspective Id have to say it is an old wives tale.
Els Posted July 7, 2009 Posted July 7, 2009 Sex toys are much worse than porn or strip clubs ever could be. While I'm a huge supporter of porn usually, I'm a bit curious about this. How is one's partner's forays with a sex toy (object, not person) comparable to one's partner masturbating to a person of the opposite sex?
Iced Mocha Posted July 7, 2009 Posted July 7, 2009 That's not the point. You were comparing a paid service to a non-paid social outing. Now that sounds like a more comparable example. Guys don't have "phone sex" with strippers. If you whip it out and start masturbating in a strip club a large man will quickly escort you to the door. Tanbark, you gave an example to say that for men purchasing dances from strippers, an emotional equivalent for women would be phoning a sex chat line, paid service for paid service. Guys go and see strippers in person though, so how do guys feel about women getting emotional validation from some dude face to face (paid of course, it makes all the difference), That is all
AlektraClementine Posted July 7, 2009 Posted July 7, 2009 Ugh. Jersey. I really do get what you're saying. And to a very large degree, I think you raise an excellent point. I think the trouble is this. A- you are using too many words to get your point across. I heard a good piece of advice in a movie once. "Don't use seven words when four will do". I think that can be applied most anywhere. ESPECIALLY when communicating with the menfolk. B- This is a crusade you're on. You are trying so very hard to drive this point home to the men of Loveshack and I'll bet ultimately the entire gender. I wonder what that is deep inside of you that propels you to take on such a great effort. Let me attempt to help you out here. Men of Loveshack. In your estimation, how often do men in general find themselves in a situation where their jealousy/insecurity is provoked because wives/girlfriends insist on cohorting with other men who's sole purpose is to arouse them? And subsequently are asked to just understand that it's a "girl thing". Women (in general and for a long time) have been asked to understand that men need this sort of visual stimulation. If it's not a need, why is it such lucrative industry? JS- you cannot police anyone but yourself. You are certainly entitled to your opinion but that's all it will ever be. I'm like you. I don't want my man to go to strip clubs. At all. I chose to be with someone who doesn't go to them. I know you'll disagree and most likely reply with something curt. Oh well.
Iced Mocha Posted July 7, 2009 Posted July 7, 2009 That's not the point. You were comparing a paid service to a non-paid social outing. Now that sounds like a more comparable example. this is absolutely not a comparable example! And that is the reason why men are so okay with it. Women do not get as aroused by some random guy's naked body, even if he is very handsome. It's nice but it's just a guy's body. It doesn't make you extremely horny at all.
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