patcha Posted July 7, 2009 Posted July 7, 2009 Ok. I told a girl I liked her last night. I usually get hit on by a lot of people right in front of her. Sometimes I tease and flirt with some just in a friendly way. So I wanted her to know that although people hit on me and that I play around with my friends sometimes that she was the only one for me. Last night, I explained myself just like in this post, and I told her I liked her. *wind blows* She just changed the subject. I was really upset. So I just told her I was leaving. She just said, "ok. see you later." Should I just give her up? I've never felt this bad about someone. This morning she just text me a little teasing, but I haven't answered it yet. Will probably answer it tonight with a little teasing back, and act like nothing happened. I could really use all the advice and insight you guys can give me.
Thaddeus Posted July 7, 2009 Posted July 7, 2009 You've just upset the power balance in the relationship in her favor by baring your feelings. Despite what Hollywood may tell you, it's only a very rare situation when one person proclaims their feelings for another and the other leaps into their arms. It's just not reality. Best course of action is to probably keep your mouth shut. "Sharing feelings" is only an appropriate response when the other feels the same way, otherwise it just throws a wrench into the works.
Author patcha Posted July 7, 2009 Author Posted July 7, 2009 Yeah. I thought she was pretty upset and sad with me because of these people hitting on me. I didn't want her to feel bad or think I was messing around. Should have kept my mouth shut. Any way to mend this? Just keep my mouth shut from now on? or is it already too late? I should just walk out the door. There's no saving it now.
Lyssa Posted July 7, 2009 Posted July 7, 2009 Ok. I told a girl I liked her last night. I usually get hit on by a lot of people right in front of her. Sometimes I tease and flirt with some just in a friendly way. So I wanted her to know that although people hit on me and that I play around with my friends sometimes that she was the only one for me. Last night, I explained myself just like in this post, and I told her I liked her. *wind blows* She just changed the subject. I was really upset. So I just told her I was leaving. She just said, "ok. see you later." Should I just give her up? I've never felt this bad about someone. This morning she just text me a little teasing, but I haven't answered it yet. Will probably answer it tonight with a little teasing back, and act like nothing happened. I could really use all the advice and insight you guys can give me. Hey Patcha, Is this the same girl you were talking about in your other thread? So you finally told her you liked her hey? Her reaction (or lack thereof) could be out of shock or maybe she didn't take it seriously because you flirt in front of her with some people that hit on you. What's the age difference between you both?
Thaddeus Posted July 7, 2009 Posted July 7, 2009 "It is better to be silent and thought a fool than to open your mouth and remove all doubt." Benjamin Franklin Don't take any action to mend this, it will only cause embarrassment and frustration. Just continue your normal relationship and let bygones be bygones. She may or may not bring it up in the future, but there's no way to know. Just let it go.
WTRanger Posted July 7, 2009 Posted July 7, 2009 Do you want an answer or do you want to sit in this holding pattern she has you in? If you really want to know and really want to tell her, just do it. Why give up so soon? You need to almost put some force on her, but don't put so much you back her into a corner. If she doesn't want to talk, then give her up for someone else to deal with. Her response was lame, but she could feel uncomfortable talking about that in a public place or around other people. This should probably be done in private, just the two of you.
Author patcha Posted July 7, 2009 Author Posted July 7, 2009 Hi there. It's 1 year and a week. I flirt in front of her, but I always call them my little sister or use the word friend with them a lot whereas with her, I don't use any of of those words. I'm so heart broken.
Lyssa Posted July 7, 2009 Posted July 7, 2009 Her response was lame, but she could feel uncomfortable talking about that in a public place or around other people. This should probably be done in private, just the two of you. My thoughts exactly.
Author patcha Posted July 7, 2009 Author Posted July 7, 2009 We were in private last night from 10pm-1am.
Lyssa Posted July 7, 2009 Posted July 7, 2009 Hi there. It's 1 year and a week. I flirt in front of her, but I always call them my little sister or use the word friend with them a lot whereas with her, I don't use any of of those words. I'm so heart broken. You're a girl so how would you react if you were in her position?
Author patcha Posted July 7, 2009 Author Posted July 7, 2009 well, if I was wondering whether a person liked me, because they seem to be flirting with others and she was to confirm that it was nothing, I'd be happy! So hm. She probably doesn't like me the same way back given her response.
mammax3 Posted July 7, 2009 Posted July 7, 2009 I think it's great that you are open and honest about your feelings for her. It takes some bravery to just put it out there like that. Do you want to be just friends with her? Keep it going as it was before you told her your feelings? Will that be possible?
Author patcha Posted July 7, 2009 Author Posted July 7, 2009 Do you want to be just friends with her? Keep it going as it was before you told her your feelings? Will that be possible? Probably not possible. I would not be able to be around her quite the same. Yeah. I know I suck. And also last night, she did tell me about someone who liked her and hated me. I kind of felt like she didn't want that other person to know how we're doing or that she was spending time with me. I also talked to her about this.
LovieDove24 Posted July 7, 2009 Posted July 7, 2009 Patcha I don't know why Thaddeus is saying it was stupid of you to tell her. I don't think its ever stupid to tell someone how you feel--no matter their response--it shows a sign of emotional maturity. Now as for her response, I think it shows that she is not ready to say the same for you. Maybe she is just not "there" yet. But if she is still texting you afterwards I'd take that as a good sign. I know a good number of people who didn't "like" their husbands or wives off the bat but after some hot pursuit and charm their minds were certainly changed. I'm not suggesting you become a raving lunatic, but now instead of telling her you like her, show her in a charming debonair way. Best of luck !!
Thaddeus Posted July 7, 2009 Posted July 7, 2009 I know a good number of people who didn't "like" their husbands or wives off the bat but after some hot pursuit and charm their minds were certainly changed. Hmmm... I don't know about this. I can honestly say that in my almost-50 years experience, I have never, ever, once seen a "hot pursuit" culminate in a partnership. Never. Not once. I have, however, seen it result in harassment charges and restraining orders.
Author patcha Posted July 7, 2009 Author Posted July 7, 2009 I know a good number of people who didn't "like" their husbands or wives off the bat but after some hot pursuit and charm their minds were certainly changed. I'm not suggesting you become a raving lunatic, but now instead of telling her you like her, show her in a charming debonair way. Best of luck !! Thank you! Alas though, I'm really stinging from last night. She's all over me today, and all I feel like saying is "Please go away (and stop being cute)." Maybe she just likes the attention and realizes now that I'm withdrawing.... If that is the case, I'm not into that. Yesterday was the worse I ever felt. It did take some courage for me to open myself to her like that and to make sure she knew she was the only one. I have, however, seen it result in harassment charges and restraining orders. lol. It's not that extreme!
Thaddeus Posted July 7, 2009 Posted July 7, 2009 Maybe she just likes the attention and realizes now that I'm withdrawingNo question. Remember, it's about power and ego. Since you "bared your soul," she now has power over you and is buffing up her ego by lording it over you. That's why I suggested that it's not always a good idea to let loose with your feelings. Some say it's a sign of emotional maturity, and I get where that assumption comes from. But the reality is that it changes the dymanic inside the relationship to the detriment of the person who opened their mouth. That's exactly what you're experiencing right now. Life is not a love song or movie or a romance novel.lol. It's not that extreme! I'm not suggesting that your situation is the same, it's just that I've seen it happen before.
LovieDove24 Posted July 7, 2009 Posted July 7, 2009 Stalking, coming on too strong, and inappropriate touching result in restraining orders. Being charming on the other hand is something else entirely and can really work wonders if you know how to do it right. Can't tell you how many times a ho-hum kinda guy has won me over with a constant smile, some sincere sweet words and humor. As far as you telling her you liked her, really I don't think its that big of a deal. Sure there is some power shifting but at least there is honesty and more importantly, NO GAMES (at least on your part). Just because she didn't SAY it back does NOT mean she isn't feeling it too. Some people are just more quick to say these things than others. And maybe you're right, maybe her flirting back IS her "trying to be cute." But whats the problem with that? Being cute, being flirty, its all a part of the stage that you're in. I'd say you'd actually have a problem if she were being weird or withdrawn from you. Please calm down about this, forget you said anything and keep up the flirting...it may lead somewhere. Just don't rush it.
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