purplefrog Posted July 7, 2009 Posted July 7, 2009 I've recently broken up with my boyfriend who is devastated, he tells me I was his life... Any advice on how to deal with him to minimise the hurt ?
adamt Posted July 7, 2009 Posted July 7, 2009 just be straight with him and dont give him any false hope. then dont contact him and dont reply to him contacting you. if you have to reply keep it simple and non emotional so that he cant read into things. be cruel to be kind. you cant really minimise his hurt, all you can do is try to make sure his hurt isnt prolonged. my ex hasnt contacted me since splitting up and i know she is doing it because she cares and doesnt want to hurt me anymore
boogieboy Posted July 7, 2009 Posted July 7, 2009 I've recently broken up with my boyfriend who is devastated, he tells me I was his life... Any advice on how to deal with him to minimise the hurt ? Theres nothing you can do. Leave him be, tell him the real reason you broke it off, and then get out of his life. If you keep contacting him, you will prolong his pain. You basically have to dissappear. If you keep hanging around him he will hope for you to get back to him. He has to know he cannot contact or see you for him to heal faster. You cant be friends, you cant check up on him, you have to stay away. You are the worst thing in his life right now and you will make it torture if you hang around. Deal with your guilt yourself, leave him out of it. Can you do that for him?
Excellent Posted July 7, 2009 Posted July 7, 2009 I don't think you can do anything to minimize the hurt. The best thing is to give him the absolute truth about why you broke up with him, tell him to move on and then stay away. Even say to him that he should not contact you, and vice verca. It will suck for him, bigtime. But the sooner you are completely out of his life, the better. Most of us in here have tried to play the friend-game after a break, and i'm sure pretty much everyone agrees on that it simply does not work when there are feelings involved from both or one of the involved. It just creates more heartbreak.
Author purplefrog Posted July 7, 2009 Author Posted July 7, 2009 Thank you all for the quick replies. It's the first time I leave someone. I really care about him but it just wasn't working anymore. I told him so. He seemed to be relatively ok at first, but he just suddenly came out with the "you were my life" stuff . He has disappeared but I know he still needs to ask me more questions, and he asked me to be in contact for that. Maybe I should ask a mutual friend?
New_life Posted July 7, 2009 Posted July 7, 2009 based on experience, and would i liked to hear from my ex: I feel like being alone right now, I know i care about you alot and would like to see you in my life, however not right now. I won't contact you not because I don't care or think about you, but because you will heal quicker if we don't contact each other.
Thaddeus Posted July 7, 2009 Posted July 7, 2009 Purplefrog (love the alias!), you have no responsibility for his feelings. I know it sounds harsh, but the fact is that he's going to feel hurt and betrayed and there is precious little you can do about it. Your best course of action is a complete and utter no-contact rule. It is extremely difficult, I know (from personal experience) but it's also the only way to heal and move on.
Author purplefrog Posted July 7, 2009 Author Posted July 7, 2009 based on experience, and would i liked to hear from my ex: I feel like being alone right now, I know i care about you alot and would like to see you in my life, however not right now. I won't contact you not because I don't care or think about you, but because you will heal quicker if we don't contact each other. Thanks for your input. I do know he will come up with (many) more questions though. Do I break all contact now anyway? Purplefrog (love the alias!), you have no responsibility for his feelings. I know it sounds harsh, but the fact is that he's going to feel hurt and betrayed and there is precious little you can do about it. Your best course of action is a complete and utter no-contact rule. It is extremely difficult, I know (from personal experience) but it's also the only way to heal and move on. Thanks. This is made more difficult by us having a shared hobby and common friends.
boogieboy Posted July 7, 2009 Posted July 7, 2009 Break all contact now. No answers you give him will be good enough. If you already talked to him about it, theres nothing else you can do. And you will have to avoid him when you are with your mutual friends. If you care about him, you will do it for him.
New_life Posted July 7, 2009 Posted July 7, 2009 purplefrog, hmm thats a tricky one. I personally would just meet and talk it over and answer the questions. For me its always a chip in my shoulder always asking me what went wrong, so I could know for my new relationship.
Author purplefrog Posted July 7, 2009 Author Posted July 7, 2009 Break all contact now. No answers you give him will be good enough. . This makes sense... it's not doing me any good either. He asked me a few things I was very surprised to hear, even openly doubting my love for him ie "did you ever really love me" ... that hurt too. If you already talked to him about it, theres nothing else you can do. And you will have to avoid him when you are with your mutual friends. If you care about him, you will do it for him. I didn't go in deep details. I essentially told him while I still love him I want out and answered his first batch of questions. It's a long distance relationship so meeting him physically is out of the question anyway.
Author purplefrog Posted July 7, 2009 Author Posted July 7, 2009 purplefrog, hmm thats a tricky one. I personally would just meet and talk it over and answer the questions. For me its always a chip in my shoulder always asking me what went wrong, so I could know for my new relationship. We're in different countries so meeting is out of the picture. As I said, I know he'll come up with even more and more questions.
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