Giha Posted July 7, 2009 Posted July 7, 2009 Hey, I'm new here since I read it helps to get help at relationship boards and such. Sorry if my grammar isn't too good. I'm gonna spill it all out so it's gonna be kinda long, I do not expect everyone to read. So anywho, I met this amazing girl a few months ago and after a short time we found ourselves in a relationship. We were really happy together, I always made her smile and laugh and she made me feel like I'm on the top of the earth and I really fell for her for the first time in my life. BAM, then she broke up with me. She said she had some doubts about her feeling for a couple of weeks and NEEDED SPACE (caps 'cause this bite me in the ass later). I really didn't get that in my head especially since she was the one to say "I love you" first and everything was amazing between us. So anyhow, I was stupid and stayed in contact with her. She told me I am the closest person to her and she feels she can tell me anything and trust me with everything, and sometimes she logs in MSN just to talk with me. It made me feel like we could get back together. So we stayed in contact, talking all-day-long for a month and a half. And then I found out she was in a new relationship with an old friend of mine for two weeks without telling me (this is where the SPACE thing bites me). I felt like I could kill someone at this point. So now it has been 3 weeks since then and I still have serious feelings for her (we broke contact after I found out about them) and I just can't help but thinking about those two together, him replacing me. I really don't know what to do now, I'm kinda losing myself even when I try to keep myself busy. So I'd really appreciate any tip or advice about how to get over this. I really wish she could give me a chance to get things back on track but it appears she does not give a crap about me anymore, since she's extremely happy even without me in her life (or so it seems). anyhow, thanks for everyone who wasted they're time reading this. thanks for any reply, it would really help me.
Road To Joy Posted July 7, 2009 Posted July 7, 2009 First off, I am so sorry she made you go through this. It seems as though she didn't want you to know she was dating someone else because she feared losing the friendship she had with you. After going through the breakup I recently went through, I told myself that I will no longer let people use me as their doormats. You'd be surprised how people do this without even realizing it. The good thing is you decided not to be her doormat when you found out what she had been doing; good for you! Not everybody can do that at first. I know how hard it can be. We all know how hard it can be. The thoughts are haunting. All you think about is them and their new relationship. You feel replaced, worthless, used. You question everything; the past, the future, the people in your life, everything. It's terrible. We know. We've been there. You're not alone. Since you already initiated NC, which is usually the first step, you'll have to now just do what it's so often preached here on LS, and even in books, etc. Find a hobby. Working out, playing music, learning a new language, get more involved with your job, etc. If you don't have a job, keep yourself busy for the rest of summer (hang out with friends, family, etc). And once school starts, focus on that. If you need to take a day off to kind of let it all sink in, do so. But then get back up and go on your 'recovery road'. Your new bible Always come on here if you need advice, reassurance, or just to vent. This place has helped me and many other tremendously. You'll be fine.
Author Giha Posted July 7, 2009 Author Posted July 7, 2009 Thank you for your comment, its nice to talk with people who felt the same way as I feel right now. Your description of how I feel was extremely accurate, hehe. I'll try to do my best to keep my mind off of her and her new relationship, even though its tough.
Road To Joy Posted July 8, 2009 Posted July 8, 2009 I'll try to do my best to keep my mind off of her and her new relationship, even though its tough. It is tough! No doubt about it. But remember not to forget (lol) that you're not alone and you can come here anytime during moments of weakness, or anything else.
Author Giha Posted July 8, 2009 Author Posted July 8, 2009 Thank you, I really appreciate it. I was in somewhat repressed rage this whole time, I thought I was going insane with all these emotions flooding me everyday, with no way to express them - so I just swallowed it all and repressed it. That was a mistake...I'm glad I found this board, I really needed a place where I could just let it all out. Keeping things inside is seriously a bad thing to do. Thank you, again.
Road To Joy Posted July 8, 2009 Posted July 8, 2009 Thank you, I really appreciate it. I was in somewhat repressed rage this whole time, I thought I was going insane with all these emotions flooding me everyday, with no way to express them - so I just swallowed it all and repressed it. That was a mistake...I'm glad I found this board, I really needed a place where I could just let it all out. Keeping things inside is seriously a bad thing to do. Thank you, again. Funny we all stumble on here for different reasons. I found this site in hopes of relating to someone. I guess that's why I never get tired of forcing the fact that you're not alone. I'm a shy one, and talking to my mommy or brother isn't a very appealing option (but an option nonetheless); I think it'd be awkward. I did speak to them once, though. But that was the day after the breakup, when everything sunk in, and I couldn't hold it in any longer (and didn't know about this site yet). Anyways, enough rambling. To keep it short: breakup desperation (agonizing pain, loneliness, etc) LoveShack → miracles! But yeah, good luck.
bitteorca Posted July 8, 2009 Posted July 8, 2009 Road to Joy, I know what you mean about talking to your family. I wouldn't usually talk to my family about personal issues such as break ups etc, I'm shy as well. But after I broke with my ex, I made an effort to. Sometimes I feel a bit embarrassed asking, but trust me, when you just spit it out, ask for a chat about it or sumthing, then it really does help. I've talked to my mum and my grandma about it, and it really does help. I mean, I suppose it depends on the family, but my family gave some good advice, non-bias and rational. I suppose it also signalled a change in me that it was important to show my emotions, not to be embarrassed about anything you may be feeling, and showing it. It really did help in my case. So, I know its not the same for everyone, but I would suggest talking to your family about it if you have an ok relationship with them. This site helps, but its not quite the same as a face-to-face real-life discussion! Just thought i'd add that
Author Giha Posted July 8, 2009 Author Posted July 8, 2009 Very true. In the night of the break-up I kinda bursted into tears in my bed (kinda of embarassing to say) so my mom came and we had a long talk. I was not all happy after it, but it made me understand things I did not see before, so it really does help to talk to people close to you, even if you're shy (and I am, believe me)
seibert253 Posted July 8, 2009 Posted July 8, 2009 Love sucks. Breaking up sucks even more. You need to find something occupy your time. Working out is the best stress reliever. Join a gym, work out your frustrations. Also a great place to meet new chicks. There's only one thing that heals, time. The "I need space" speech is code words for "I want to explore another relationship with someone else, but I want you to hang around as 2nd string, in case the new guy doesn't work out". YOU ARE A FALL BACK ON. Go NC, don't call, text, don't answer her calls and texts. Pretty soon you won't care what she's doing or who she's with.
Author Giha Posted July 8, 2009 Author Posted July 8, 2009 Love sucks. Breaking up sucks even more. You need to find something occupy your time. Working out is the best stress reliever. Join a gym, work out your frustrations. Also a great place to meet new chicks. There's only one thing that heals, time. The "I need space" speech is code words for "I want to explore another relationship with someone else, but I want you to hang around as 2nd string, in case the new guy doesn't work out". YOU ARE A FALL BACK ON. Go NC, don't call, text, don't answer her calls and texts. Pretty soon you won't care what she's doing or who she's with. Thanks for your reply. I've been on NC with her for about 3 weeks now, it really helps to get my mind clear over time. And yes, I realize now that "I need space" thing is a pile of sugar-coated bullcrap. Luckily, I didn't settle for being 2nd best, so I said my goodbyes to her and cut her out of my life. Right now I care much less about her and her new relationship. It still hurts alot to picture them together in my head, but it was alot worse before.
bitteorca Posted July 8, 2009 Posted July 8, 2009 you sound like you're on the road to recovery my friend, enjoy the rest of the journey!
Author Giha Posted July 8, 2009 Author Posted July 8, 2009 you sound like you're on the road to recovery my friend, enjoy the rest of the journey! I sure hope I am, thank you! Good luck with your situation, stay strong
roflmao Posted July 8, 2009 Posted July 8, 2009 you sound like you're on the road to recovery my friend, enjoy the rest of the journey! I totally agree! (= I've been reading all the posts so far, and I think this sentence summarizes it all, lol. I'm in a similar position...it seems that the girl I like got herself a bf, I'm quite sure about it. I'll have confirmation today, but if she's really in a relationship, I guess I'll have the same "journey" as you right now. As for the commonly repeated sentence along the thread "You're not alone", I couldn't agree more. I just found this board today and I think this will help me a lot, since I don't want to talk about these subjects with my parents. I know it is always good to "let it all out" and tell the story to someone. Fortunately there is this board. (= As for your case...life moves on! You have to be strong. As it was said earlier, get a new hobby, or hang out with friends more often. You'll see that with time you'll find someone so, or even more, special than that girl. Right now, I'm feeling used and like I just got "removed from the story", but I hold on to the faith that I'm going to find the right one someday (although there's times that hope completely fades away, i know). And I'm preety sure you will too. (= Anyways, I just wanted to add this ^^
Author Giha Posted July 8, 2009 Author Posted July 8, 2009 I totally agree! (= I've been reading all the posts so far, and I think this sentence summarizes it all, lol. I'm in a similar position...it seems that the girl I like got herself a bf, I'm quite sure about it. I'll have confirmation today, but if she's really in a relationship, I guess I'll have the same "journey" as you right now. As for the commonly repeated sentence along the thread "You're not alone", I couldn't agree more. I just found this board today and I think this will help me a lot, since I don't want to talk about these subjects with my parents. I know it is always good to "let it all out" and tell the story to someone. Fortunately there is this board. (= As for your case...life moves on! You have to be strong. As it was said earlier, get a new hobby, or hang out with friends more often. You'll see that with time you'll find someone so, or even more, special than that girl. Right now, I'm feeling used and like I just got "removed from the story", but I hold on to the faith that I'm going to find the right one someday (although there's times that hope completely fades away, i know). And I'm preety sure you will too. (= Anyways, I just wanted to add this ^^ First of all, I am so sorry to hear about you situation. As you can see, I know exactly how you feel..heh. Reading and posting here on this board is really helpful. As you write you suddenly realize things you didn't see before, and you can learn alot from other's life experience. Whenever you feel down or something happens, just post it here. Nothing compares to letting everything out. I too am sure we will both find the right girl for us, someone who will appreciate us like we deserve. Hang in there, the best is yet to come
Road To Joy Posted July 8, 2009 Posted July 8, 2009 Yeah I spoke to my mom about it all first and she helped a lot. She told me about people we know that I grew up with (aunts, family friends), that went through this. Told me about the time she went through it. And gave me advice. It was kind of weird hearing that my semi-cold-hearted aunt once cried and prayed every night for her husband to come back. And then after sometime, she thanked God for never bringing him back! Besides, I love advice from older folks. And the next few days after that she (my mom) would text me throughout the day and ask me if I'm alright. We haven't spoken about it since but I'm glad I did that one time, and I already have all the support I need on here. So, it's all good. Another reason why LS is so good is because people are here 'cause they WANT to talk about these things. Whilst you can't ALWAYS go to your friends or fam, 'cause sadly they DO get tired of hearing the same thing over and over. Btw, Giha. You really are doing great. A lot of people go through months of torturing themselves with Facebook and MySpace, and getting info out of their friends about their exes, and more. It usually takes a lot for most of us on here to reach NC, but you did it right away. I wish I had the strength you have. I can tell you're going to get by this easier than the majority. Good luck to all! And remember you're not alone
Author Giha Posted July 8, 2009 Author Posted July 8, 2009 Thank you I didn't go NC right away, only after a month and a half when I found out about her relationship with my so-called friend. And it's true, it feels better to talk with those who want to, than with those who possibly doing so just cause they feel they have to
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