mammax3 Posted July 7, 2009 Posted July 7, 2009 I've been posting occasionally about that guy I was seeing on a casual basis. Even though that's what we called it, I managed to feel more serious, and thought he did too. Ugh. I was wrong. You all are right - when he can't find the time to see you, then he's not that serious. Although he's indicated that he does like me, this isn't the right time for anything on the dating scene. The only words I could think of was "He's just not that into you." Never were more truer words spoken. This was my first 'real' dating experience in nearly 12 years (I'm post-separation and trying to figure it out) and it'll get chalked up as a learning experience. How does one keep the dating scene 'casual' and not let it get it serious? The only way I can figure is to date a few people so your emotions don't get too attached.
BlueHarvest Posted July 8, 2009 Posted July 8, 2009 I've been posting occasionally about that guy I was seeing on a casual basis. Even though that's what we called it, I managed to feel more serious, and thought he did too. Ugh. I was wrong. You all are right - when he can't find the time to see you, then he's not that serious. Although he's indicated that he does like me, this isn't the right time for anything on the dating scene. The only words I could think of was "He's just not that into you." Never were more truer words spoken. This was my first 'real' dating experience in nearly 12 years (I'm post-separation and trying to figure it out) and it'll get chalked up as a learning experience. How does one keep the dating scene 'casual' and not let it get it serious? The only way I can figure is to date a few people so your emotions don't get too attached. You hit the nail on the head. The *ONLY* way to stay distant in a relationship is to date multiple people at the same time. However, you may find that you aren't that type of person and can't do that type of dating. Furthermore...even if you do go down that patch you'll end up being in multiple relationships that will expect them to go further. Eventually someone is going to get hurt, either one of the guys your dating, or yourself (they might find out your dating others and then dump you!). Personally I think this is the wrong way to date as it's not conducive to a healthy relationship in the long run. But that's just this one guy's opinion
lora22 Posted July 8, 2009 Posted July 8, 2009 It's hard. If you figure it out let me know! One place to start (which really stems from "He's just not that interested") is to really focus on the other person's actions at all times. Don't pay any attention to what s/he says. Unless of course, what s/he says is negative (like being a player, cheating, etc.): then they're telling you words what their actions will later prove to be true. Edit: Don't pay attention to what they say OR to how you feel about the person - unless you have a BAD gut feeling - because then you've probably picked up subconsciously on some shady behavior or something.
Cora Posted July 8, 2009 Posted July 8, 2009 I seem to have this problem as well. Whenever I date one person I tend to get overly attached while they on the other hand want to keep things casual, don't have time to see me etc..aka just not that into me. However, I can't date multiple people at one time. It's just not for me. I guess I'm stuck lol. So I'm just taking a break from the whole dating thing. I just don't want to go through all the crap and pointless drama anymore. I'm too much of an emotional person. It's really so much easier being single for now. Of course I would love to be in a relationship someday but I hate all the dating crap. I figured if I'm meant to be with someone then it will just happen someday. Until then I'm just concentrating on other things. Dating is seriously too much work lol.
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