sandy12345678993 Posted July 7, 2009 Posted July 7, 2009 Do you ever think there comes a point where reading, posting on this forum becomes counterproductive to the healing process? I found this website a few days after my breakup and have been on almost everyday since posting a few times, replying to situations that have been similiar to mine, and reading a LOT of posts. It all makes me think about him still. It's been about 6 weeks since the breakup. I think the advice I've gotten has been good. I still think about my ex everyday. Somedays I'm good and strong. Other days I'm sad and crying. More good days than bad days. I just wonder where I would be if I hadn't found this. I probably wouldn't be as far ahead as I would have been otherwise. I imagine it's a personal decision of when to stop thinking and talking about an ex and how you go about that. There is tons of great advice and being able to vent and find someone with similar experiences can be wonderful in helping you through this process and that is fine for a while. But if you are constantly thinking, talking about your ex for weeks or months and more after the breakup, is that a bad thing? Just a thought.
NopeNah Posted July 7, 2009 Posted July 7, 2009 I do think so. It's like drudging up old thoughts and feelings day in day out after a bit. Most of my posting as of recent, has been to "help" those that are just going through it.
moo Posted July 7, 2009 Posted July 7, 2009 I think that this forum should just be one of several coping mechanisms. In the beginning, it is normal to think about the ex ALL the time. But after a while, you should be thinking about other things as well. I am not on here all day. I usually am on here at night because that's when the saddness and lonliness really set in. You can have lots of other things to occupy your mind. If you have a lot of time on your hand, consider a project or a hobby that you can get lost in. Learn how to build a website from scratch. Make the website on something that you are passionate about. Try searching your roots- now that is something that you can really get involved in. Seek therapy. If you don't have any money, try finding out if you can get therapy for free. Some places have sliding scales. University gradschool programs take clients for free. Try going out with friends. If you don't have a lot of friends, consider joining a group, or an online group, or pen pals from all over the world. Call your local hospital and see if they have a depression support group. If you use several other mechinisms of coping, in addition to this one, you will probably find that you will be thinking about your ex less and less.
redy2 Posted July 7, 2009 Posted July 7, 2009 i think that sometimes when you get dumped. you have a why me? what did i do wrong? what could i change or done different to avoid this. so when you run across this site ur like wow im not alone. i mean alot of the stories on here are similiar. so you read and start posting. and it helps to vent . with others going through the same thing.
fani Posted July 7, 2009 Posted July 7, 2009 being on here works, for me, anyway. When I'm doing ok I don't come on. When I am in a good mood for a bit, I will be doing something else. But when I am feeling so low about it, I come on here. Because I know that there are people here i can talk to when I am feeling like that. If i stay using this when i am feeling rubbish and not when i am feeling ok, then i dont think it will be counterproductive for me
Taucher Posted July 7, 2009 Posted July 7, 2009 I think that fani has it about right. I am not convinced that we have MUCH control over how quickly we recover from the trauma of being dumped. I think it depends on YOU and this site is useful (for me too) when you are at your lowest. Without this site, you would be feeling down and what? No-one else. Well, not no-one else. I have fantastic friends but they are not going through this right now, and as much as I cant stop feeling miserable (at times) they cant make themselves emphasise with me totally, and I wouldnt want them too. However, it could be argued that going over feelings and discussing things helps the healing process more than it hinders it. For me, this site has not been about the advice so much as the knowledge that other people are currently going through the same process, thoughts and feelings that I am going through.
Exit Posted July 7, 2009 Posted July 7, 2009 It is good to have the forums when you need them, but yeah over time you should probably not visit as often. I know I myself may stop coming soon. I'm sick of being sad, I'm sick of thinking about it. I'm ready to move on. I like coming here to reply to other people's situations but it only keeps me thinking about my ex.
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