gmogmo321 Posted July 7, 2009 Posted July 7, 2009 About a year ago, my girlfriend sorta cheated on me with another guy. They kissed, but she realized she loves me and has done wrong. I even came on the site to ask for opinions and in the end, it worked out where she was apologizing and I gave her another chance. We lived life happy most of the time from then on.. until that one night 2 weeks ago. We were having dinner together at Red Lobster and she broke the news to me, she's sorta talking to another guy. They haven't done anything yet and she was brutally honest about the whole situation. She claims that she wants to start a new life and look for a fresh start in her life. We've dated for about 3 and a half years. August 2nd would've been our official 3 and a half years. Anyways, we were talking and since then, things have been downhill. A few days after that night, we tried to put things on hold within our relationship. She claims that she loves me and knows I love her dearly, but our love has evolved from romantic love to companion love and that's not exactly what she's looking for. She doesn't want to be in a committed relationship. This "month" break ends when i called her because I miss her very much. I admit, I am weak. I found out she was already meeting up with this new guy, lets just call him "James". She suggested that we try this open relationship thing and I was really reluctant to do it. I mean, I don't want to share the woman I love with another guy getting ass on the side. She attends some party with this guy and eventually they made out and had lots of grabbing and stuff going on. I know because she ended up fessing up to me the next day when she came over. She didn't want to kiss me, hold my hands, cuddle or any of that sort anymore. She felt disgusted for what she did, but she likes it and doesn't expect to stop seeing this guy. James, has a girlfriend. He wants to fool around with my girlfriend and vice-versa. I keep trying to get into my girlfriend's by letting her know, this is wrong, you're being a homewrecker and you enjoy it? She knows she is doing stuff wrong, but she really only cares about how she's enjoying her life. It's been about 2 weeks since our initial separation. We're best friends till the end and that's why it hurts if we stopped talking to each other. Over the course of the 4 years that I've known her, I've made her my best friend and she's made me her best friend. I told her, we can try to stay friends, but it's gonna be tough because she knows I want her back. She suggested that I go out and see new girls, meet new people and even fool around. But that's not my style, that's not me. I'm not set for that life. We're both only 18 and 19 respectively. She's turning 19 on August 1st. She asked me, why won't I try to move on. And I simply said, "The girl that I want now, or if forever is in front of my eyes. I don't need to go out and find something I already have." I've tried to touch her in any way possible and she tells me, she can't find it in her to not fulfill the life she wants. She said this may last a month, or two months, she wouldn't know. She doesn't want me to wait. The past 3 days we spent time with each other, I went shopping with her and we continued talking about the issue. She feels guilty to a certain extent because my life has been miserable the last 2 weeks and she knows. but things don't seem like they're gonna change any time soon. We have scheduled a trip, just the two of us next month before classes start again. I told her, I want to go on this trip, "Happy". I wish all this BS can end by then and she said, "I don't know when it'll end, but I hope we can both be happy next month, too." What are your takes? Sorry, this was so long, anymore questions, I'll come back and answer them... Thanks for reading. P.S. I don't know why the entire message turned into a block of text... So, I'm sorry I have to separate these paragraphs as broken paragraphs.
Exit Posted July 7, 2009 Posted July 7, 2009 That trip sounds like a bad idea to me. I wouldn't count on her changing by then. People, physically mentally and emotionally, are not finished forming at 18 and 19 years old. You've been together 3 years already, that's a long time. She is starting to see that she wants something else in life, at least for right now. Frankly for most people, the teenage years AREN'T meant for being tied down to one person. You are basically powerless. You can't stop her. If you love her let her go. And take her advice, you shouldn't wait for her. If you guys plan this trip, you KNOW you're just going to think about it every day, you WILL be waiting for her, hoping she comes back. You will not start healing with this trip looming in front of you.
Thomas X Forever Posted July 7, 2009 Posted July 7, 2009 One word: Narcissist. Anyone want to challenge me?
Author gmogmo321 Posted July 7, 2009 Author Posted July 7, 2009 One word: Narcissist. Anyone want to challenge me? Her or me?
Chrome Barracuda Posted July 7, 2009 Posted July 7, 2009 Her, definitely her! Dude, you cant make a ho into a housewife!!!!! It wont work, she has brazenly told you to your face you aint nothing but a one pump chump and is openly screwing him while you sit there and be passive about it??? Why the hell are you with this woman??? She is wrong for you and doing wrong by you!
Author gmogmo321 Posted July 7, 2009 Author Posted July 7, 2009 Her, definitely her! Dude, you cant make a ho into a housewife!!!!! It wont work, she has brazenly told you to your face you aint nothing but a one pump chump and is openly screwing him while you sit there and be passive about it??? Why the hell are you with this woman??? She is wrong for you and doing wrong by you! She didn't have sex with James... yet. But I know it was definitely on Jame's mind cuz she stopped him before it went too far. And I know she'll keep stopping him because that's just not her! I don't know if you guys understand the feeling or what, but I know this isn't the girl I fell in love with. I feel deep down inside, she will become that girl that I once fell in love with again, which is why I feel like waiting is right... She was my first girlfriend and my first love, which is why it's so painful...
Chrome Barracuda Posted July 7, 2009 Posted July 7, 2009 LOL you really believe that she didnt have sex with him you are clearly delusional!!!!! She has been cheating ever since she brought him up the minute she mentioned his name! Your holding on so damn tight but your holding on to a woman who wont wait for you, who wont honor you and has little reguard for you or herself!!!! Take my word for it, it's gonna get a whole lot worse before it even starts to get better!!! She's treating you like a doormat and your just taking it!!! And your saying your gonna wait for her? Really whole she runs the streets and screw other people your gonna wait for her, and if she get's preggo with some dudes baby, then what your gonna pay support for that baby? What kind of man are you, where's your ballsack!!! WAIT FOR NOTHING! take our word for it, she's not the same woman you fell in love with, that woman is dead. I had a first love too, guess what she's gay now. no lie. And am I still waiting on her, hell no!!! I'm doing for me, I'm riding for me! They'll be other woman in your life! good ones!!!! dont be a doormat. or one pump chump!
Thomas X Forever Posted July 7, 2009 Posted July 7, 2009 Her. She's a narcissist. Tell me this. Tell me her relationship with her parents. And tell me her parents relationship with each other.
Hi.P.O'Crit Posted July 7, 2009 Posted July 7, 2009 ...I know because she ended up fessing up to me the next day when she came over. She didn't want to kiss me, hold my hands, cuddle or any of that sort anymore. She felt disgusted for what she did, but she likes it and doesn't expect to stop seeing this guy... Her body language, if you're remembering correctly, says she did have sex with him. Or at least highly probable. Doesn't look good. Let her go.
Author gmogmo321 Posted July 7, 2009 Author Posted July 7, 2009 Her body language, if you're remembering correctly, says she did have sex with him. Or at least highly probable. Doesn't look good. Let her go. We're all focusing on the point that she did have sex with this guy. But hypothetically, lets just all say that she didn't have sex and I actually do believe that she didn't... Would that change anything?
Thomas X Forever Posted July 7, 2009 Posted July 7, 2009 Would that change anything? If she's a narcissist, then hell no it changes nothing. She'd be a full blown liar, insane, selfish, doesn't give the slightest damn about you, etc.. Which I believe is the case.
Olylama Posted July 7, 2009 Posted July 7, 2009 dude your 19 this is the first of many. Learn by this it sounds like a good lesson. let her go. Get someone else. Don't go away with her unless your detached by then and it will turn into a sex romp. She will be turned on buy your detachment use it shag her and walk away finding some comfort in the fact she has now cheated on her new boyfriend.
Hi.P.O'Crit Posted July 7, 2009 Posted July 7, 2009 Would it change anything? No, the girl wants you to let her go. She's already going out without you. She seems to know that she wants to experience things without you. If you want to wait for her that's your choice but you should also go and do new things. Keep busy. Maybe find a new girl. One that doesn't need to start a wild life.
Chrome Barracuda Posted July 7, 2009 Posted July 7, 2009 LOL hey OP do you still believe in santa claus too??? tooth fairy perhaps? Dude you are so blind, so much in denial it's not funny.
Author gmogmo321 Posted July 7, 2009 Author Posted July 7, 2009 If she's a narcissist, then hell no it changes nothing. She'd be a full blown liar, insane, selfish, doesn't give the slightest damn about you, etc.. Which I believe is the case. She cares about me to a certain extent. She feels that I can be the guy she marries 10 years from now. I'm just not what she looks for now; I really don't see her being that cold.
Chrome Barracuda Posted July 7, 2009 Posted July 7, 2009 She cares about me to a certain extent. She feels that I can be the guy she marries 10 years from now. I'm just not what she looks for now; I really don't see her being that cold. LOL 10 yrs from now, let me guess your still gonna wait?
Author gmogmo321 Posted July 7, 2009 Author Posted July 7, 2009 LOL hey OP do you still believe in santa claus too??? tooth fairy perhaps? Dude you are so blind, so much in denial it's not funny. I agree, I may be in denial, but I really do feel that we shared something special and it will turn bright again some day...
Chrome Barracuda Posted July 7, 2009 Posted July 7, 2009 I agree, I may be in denial, but I really do feel that we shared something special and it will turn bright again some day... *chuckles I'm sure she thinks the same thing too... when she's IN BED WITH JAMES! Dude your wasting your time and in time you'll see it was all a big joke to her. one big humongous joke! dont waste your time. you aint got no kids with her, move on. You'll be doing yourself a favor.
Exit Posted July 7, 2009 Posted July 7, 2009 Easy on the "tough love" guys. It's only been 2 weeks for him since this happened. You don't have to insult him asking if he believes in Santa. gmogmo, you will, in your own time, realize that this was not the right girl for you. It's your first love and that is why you are struggling to hang on to it. Do you really think, at 19 years old, the first person you've been serious with is really the one person on the planet you're meant to be with? You have nothing to compare her to! One day you will meet a girl who doesn't cheat on you and doesn't want to date other people, and you will realize how silly it was to cling to this girl. Practice letting go. Understand that there is a time for everything. There is a time to be happy and a time to be sad. There is a time to be happy with a partner and a time to realize that you are better off on your own. Trust in where your life is taking you. The more you struggle and the more you focus on the pain, the harder this will be. You will meet someone else, whether you like it or not. You're still young, you're still in school, you're around females all day long. Focus on yourself. Figure out what else could make you happy in your life aside from this girl. If there's a goal or a hobby that you've been ignoring, pick it up again. Join a gym, read a book. There is nothing you can do right now, might as well move on. If she ever comes to her senses and realizes she gave up on a good guy, then let her contact you. It's not likely that she ever will come back. If she does she does, but there's nothing you can do to speed up the process, so you might as well try to move on. I'm guilty of feeling like every girl I've been with was "the one", and guess what, a few weeks or months later there was another "one".
Author gmogmo321 Posted July 7, 2009 Author Posted July 7, 2009 I never really saw us end this way. She's my best friend and I'm her best friend, it's tough to just ignore and cut all contact...
NopeNah Posted July 7, 2009 Posted July 7, 2009 RUN!RUN!RUN! This girl sounds like a taxi driver gearing up to take you for the emotional ride of your lifetime. You are a young guy who is obviously blinded by your first "love".. I didn't say true love because this is not it! Get as far the hell away from this nonsense as fast as you can! Do you have a father/father figure/older friend? Ask him his take on it..gurantee you he says RUN! If he doesn't...NEVER ask him for advice again!
Author gmogmo321 Posted July 7, 2009 Author Posted July 7, 2009 RUN!RUN!RUN! This girl sounds like a taxi driver gearing up to take you for the emotional ride of your lifetime. You are a young guy who is obviously blinded by your first "love".. I didn't say true love because this is not it! Get as far the hell away from this nonsense as fast as you can! Do you have a father/father figure/older friend? Ask him his take on it..gurantee you he says RUN! If he doesn't...NEVER ask him for advice again! I think she's already have done that... The ride and all... I try to stray away from letting my parents know my about my girlfriend. My mother isn't too fond of her. Was never really fond of her, I should say...
hopesndreams Posted July 7, 2009 Posted July 7, 2009 Listen to your mother. Work on your self-esteem. Never let anyone treat you this way, no matter how much you love them. She isn't worthy of your love. There is someone out there that is. Let her go.
Author gmogmo321 Posted July 12, 2009 Author Posted July 12, 2009 I realize there's nothing I can do. All my friends are suggesting that I just completely ignore her calls. Force no contact whatsoever and stop talking to her. No matter how much of a friend she is, I should cut all contact with this woman and leave her as a memory. But I can't. I can't see myself doing anything like that. It's... I don't know how to feel. She's going to parties and staying overnights at these places with a bunch of drunks --- along with James. I wish all this pain can end. Time heals wounds, but my wound is huge. Will it ever heal? Quickest way? I'm not a suicidal person, but sometimes I wish all this pain can just end...
gavinus Posted July 12, 2009 Posted July 12, 2009 My friend I feel for you, my ex is screwing with my head too. You would think if you loved somebody and told them they would respect you for it and treat you well, but the sad fact is they don't. She does not care about you only about herself and getting her needs met. She is using the love you have for her to have the best of both worlds. I know it is hard to let go as you have given your all but you will get to a point where enough is enough, you are just not there yet and I hope your end point where you move on with your life is only days, rather than weeks, months, years away, you deserve better
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