Owl Posted July 14, 2009 Posted July 14, 2009 Glad you like it. But seriously: If she is ready to forget her vows of marriage, the marriage is ****ed, no matter what he does. This 'taking responsibility for other people's decisions'-thing...it seems to be quite popular here, but I never really understood it. She's old enough to make her own decisions, to follow her own set of priorities. I would agree that he marriage is likely in a bad state if she's pursuing him. Of course, that doesn't say anything about what's caused it get to that point, but that's another matter entirely. BUT...that still doesn't give the OP the "all clear" to step in and contribute his own damage to the situation. It doesn't make it "ok" for him to pursue her while she's still married. Her ability to make her own decisions doesn't make the OP any less responsible for his OWN decision making process, or morals.
utterer of lies Posted July 14, 2009 Posted July 14, 2009 BUT...that still doesn't give the OP the "all clear" to step in and contribute his own damage to the situation. It doesn't make it "ok" for him to pursue her while she's still married. Well, I think it does, you think it doesn't. But yes, given his posts, his values seem much more similar to yours than to mine. Her ability to make her own decisions doesn't make the OP any less responsible for his OWN decision making process, or morals. I fully agree.
Trimmer Posted July 14, 2009 Posted July 14, 2009 BUT...that still doesn't give the OP the "all clear" to step in and contribute his own damage to the situation. It doesn't make it "ok" for him to pursue her while she's still married. Well, I think it does, you think it doesn't. But yes, given his posts, his values seem much more similar to yours than to mine. While I agree with Owl (on the theory that a marriage is a public "keep off the grass" sign) let's say we set aside those arguments for a moment. Even just looking at it from the perspective of: is it wise for the OP to get involved given the scenario? I think you can still make an argument that it isn't. If her marriage is messed up enough for her to be open to going outside it, but she isn't either working on fixing it or leaving it, then for the OP to get involved in a relationship with her - even on a short-term basis - has a pretty good chance of turning out poorly for him. Moralizing aside - even if you consider her an acceptable "target," she is not an emotionally stable and available one - the dynamics of the situation don't point to a favorable outcome for him. Really, other than the possibility of a quick, amoral lay (which I get the sense from his posts is not the level that he's working at...) what are the proababilities of an outcome that will generally enhance his life, as opposed to taking a chunk out of him? And I'm not saying there are any guarantees in any kind of relationship, or that you should never take a risk - but again, even without the moral component, the risks are weighted so much in the negative direction, and the possible benefits are not anywhere near great enough to balance them. So your "too scared or emotionally/morally repressed" taunt doesn't really hold water. Choosing not to play Russian Roulette with a six-shooter that has 4 bullets loaded doesn't mean you are living your life in fear...
Author TeacherGuy Posted July 15, 2009 Author Posted July 15, 2009 I didn't make my decision based on any established morality. In fact I'm not even slightly religious. I do try to live by the golden rule though. But it's not just that in this matter. There are MANY logical reasons to NOT have an affair with a married woman. Angry, potentially violent husbands for example. You don't know what someone might do under certain circumstances. Beyond that, there's going to be SOME degree of drama and heartache no matter what, especially if you have feelings (and for this woman, I do/did). And why take on that drama when there are other women in the world? It's illogical. There is more to life than just doing what feels good, just because you can.
BlackWhite Posted July 15, 2009 Posted July 15, 2009 What was her reply to your email for not having the second meeting because it's inapproriate? Or, did she respond at all? You know, the RIGHT thing for your to do is end all contact with her AND inform her husband of what has taken place so far, including her inviting you to meet and want to meet again.
Owl Posted July 15, 2009 Posted July 15, 2009 I didn't make my decision based on any established morality. In fact I'm not even slightly religious. I do try to live by the golden rule though. But it's not just that in this matter. There are MANY logical reasons to NOT have an affair with a married woman. Angry, potentially violent husbands for example. You don't know what someone might do under certain circumstances. Beyond that, there's going to be SOME degree of drama and heartache no matter what, especially if you have feelings (and for this woman, I do/did). And why take on that drama when there are other women in the world? It's illogical. There is more to life than just doing what feels good, just because you can. Morals or morality is NOT anywhere near the same thing as religion. Your religion my help you define your morals...but you don't have to be religious to HAVE morals. But regardless...it sounds like you've made up your mind not to pursue this relationship...good for you!
Dexter Morgan Posted July 15, 2009 Posted July 15, 2009 I already agreed to seeing her again next week. I don't even know if that's wrong or not in light of her being married, but I can't wait to see her again. Is she just being friendly? Am I just misreading things? Any thoughts and opinions are welcome. thoughts? that hopefully one day you will find someone, marry them, and she will go behind your back with another man.
spiraling downward Posted July 15, 2009 Posted July 15, 2009 thoughts? that hopefully one day you will find someone, marry them, and she will go behind your back with another man. you're a piece of work, Dex... the hatred that you hold gives you absolutely no moral superiority over us "cheaters." You are a hypocrite.
Confused4Now Posted July 15, 2009 Posted July 15, 2009 you're a piece of work, Dex... the hatred that you hold gives you absolutely no moral superiority over us "cheaters." You are a hypocrite. heeheehee I have to agree with you on this one....That remark has no value on a board like this. Just amazing and I got flagged by forum owner cause I got a little to harsh...heeeheeeh..
Dexter Morgan Posted July 15, 2009 Posted July 15, 2009 you're a piece of work, Dex... the hatred that you hold gives you absolutely no moral superiority over us "cheaters." You are a hypocrite. I'd be a hypocrite if i felt I had moral superiority. Nice try with a concept you need to familiarize yourself with. recognizing the despicable acts of someone has nothing to do with morality:rolleyes:
Dexter Morgan Posted July 15, 2009 Posted July 15, 2009 heeheehee I have to agree with you on this one....That remark has no value on a board like this. Just amazing and I got flagged by forum owner cause I got a little to harsh...heeeheeeh.. on the contrary, it had a point. maybe until he experiences the fallout of the same type of behavior he is engaging in, only then may he realize the magnitude of what he is doing, wants to do, and is about to do. that was the point. maybe he'd think twice if he knew how it would feel to be the person on the other end and how it would affect someone else.
Trimmer Posted July 15, 2009 Posted July 15, 2009 thoughts? that hopefully one day you will find someone, marry them, and she will go behind your back with another man. Did you read the entire thread, and do you understand the current status of the OP's situation? Or did you fire off a knee-jerk response to the first few posts in the thread? on the contrary, it had a point. maybe until he experiences the fallout of the same type of behavior he is engaging in, only then may he realize the magnitude of what he is doing, wants to do, and is about to do. that was the point. maybe he'd think twice if he knew how it would feel to be the person on the other end and how it would affect someone else. He did "realize the magnitude", before he took any further action, he did "think twice", and he isn't "about to do" it any more.... All things you are beating him up for. WTF are you talking about?
Dexter Morgan Posted July 15, 2009 Posted July 15, 2009 Did you read the entire thread, and do you understand the current status of the OP's situation? nope, glad to see he is doing the right thing Or did you fire off a knee-jerk response to the first few posts in the thread? not knee-jerk if taking the original post into consideration. so now I don't hope the same thing happens to him in the future:) but really, what if this had been 15 pages long...I have to read it all before responding to the first post if coming in late? dont think so. He did "realize the magnitude", before he took any further action, he did "think twice", and he isn't "about to do" it any more.... All things you are beating him up for. WTF are you talking about? beating him up for? i wrote one sentence. as far as my reply to Confused...no beating up whatsoever. so you can dispense with the drama
theycallmeprincess Posted July 15, 2009 Posted July 15, 2009 thoughts? that hopefully one day you will find someone, marry them, and she will go behind your back with another man. Is this what you truly hope? Wow!!!! What a sad, angry, pitiful life you lead.
Dexter Morgan Posted July 15, 2009 Posted July 15, 2009 Is this what you truly hope? yes, if in fact he wants to pursue a married woman and doesn't care who he affects in a negative way. but its been taken care of, he isn't going to pursue her. So no, I don't truly hope this now. Wow!!!! What a sad, angry, pitiful life you lead. why? because someone would want someone else that wouldn't care who they hurt to experience the same kind of hurt themselves? oh, but it was ok that he entertained the same idea of doing what I suggested?
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