ReasonToChange Posted July 7, 2009 Posted July 7, 2009 Back in high school I was the class clown, used jokes for a way of dealing with how upset I really could be. However one thing really stood out in my high school days. A wonderful girl that really stole my heart away, however as many high school romances do, it ended. Many times in fact, four to be exact. However even after every single break up, we could not get off each others minds. She broke up with me each time, and each time we found ourselves back together. Now here we are four years later, again falling for each other or so I hope. Since graduation day her and I drifted apart, and I went through a very hard time in my life, I went from job to job, and from a disaster of a relationship to another. So in four short years I've managed to infect my mind with ideas that no matter what good happens in my life, it will end in flames. Which I'm sure she has noticed that I may feel. Allow me to explain in more detail. One day a few months ago we started talking again. We decided to meet for lunch and catch up, over time we were texting each other many times a day, and in time we even went on a few dates. Problem is she had a boyfriend she was with, with him over a year in fact. We've always had this draw to each other, and put this one off as fate, that this time we both better just give up the fight and at last be together. She really is a kind person so its been killing her that she had to break her ex's heart, and that she cheated. Now here I'm sitting, as she is driving down to the beach to talk to her ex and explain some things. I can't help but feel that she regrets her choice, and in the end above all she'll either end it with me and go back to him, or just end it with me and just be alone. I was rather foolish to rush into this but we were so excited by the relationship, in fact when we are together all this stress vanishes. However when she and I are alone, the stress is back. She dwells on her ex's broken heart, and I dwell on my fear that she'll leave me. I've read books on dealing with my problems, even been to therapists, I'm not even looking for feedback really, its just nice to get this out of my system.
Road To Joy Posted July 7, 2009 Posted July 7, 2009 This honestly should be made into a movie. A lot of people might consider you lucky because you always find yourself going back to each other, which is in a way beautiful. But I can see where your pain sets in. And your fear. I would be feeling those same exact things as well. I hope it works out between you two. I really do. And if it does, I'm 99% sure the guy she's breaking up with will overtime accept it, and understand. Talk to her about it. Your fears and all. Or have you already? [nosy]Don't forget to update![/nosy]
Author ReasonToChange Posted July 7, 2009 Author Posted July 7, 2009 Well, it's still the same day so I don't have much to report back to you, however I must say that she has always been very good at responding back to any of my texts in a prompt fastion. However it is now 11:30, and the last I heard from the love of my life she was telling me how she was going to meet with her ex boyfriend down at her favorite beach (she loves the beach and goes there when she needs to clear her head) and have a chat. So either she is done talking with him and is asleep, or is still awake and with her ex boyfriend.... I seem to have a knack for getting myself into these situations. Wish me luck, I really do love this girl.
Author ReasonToChange Posted July 7, 2009 Author Posted July 7, 2009 As I suspected, when I woke up this morning, I got a text message from her. Saying that she talked with her ex boyfriend for over five hours and they have managed to work it out. Once again I'm out of the picture. What can I say, I gave it a try, after all I've been in love with her for over eight years. c'est la vie.
Road To Joy Posted July 7, 2009 Posted July 7, 2009 As I suspected, when I woke up this morning, I got a text message from her. Saying that she talked with her ex boyfriend for over five hours and they have managed to work it out. Once again I'm out of the picture. What can I say, I gave it a try, after all I've been in love with her for over eight years. c'est la vie. Jesus Christ... I'm sorry, but she doesn't sound too nifty. She lead you on, cheated on her boyfriend, and then dumped you. You don't deserve to live in fear all the time, and sadly I think that's where you'll end up if you go back to her. I understand the whole first love situation, but once you fall in love with someone else, she'll just be a pleasant memory. And a sweet, comical story to tell your kids. Have you tried dating? And how are you holding up, have you been okay?
Author ReasonToChange Posted July 8, 2009 Author Posted July 8, 2009 Thanks for the concern mate, well I've been working on it by using my patented break up forgetting technique. Half a pack of smokes, long car ride, followed by sitting at home with a box set of House M.d. and some Jack and coke. I'll be fine, that I don't worry about. Frankly I am happy for her, I know this may sound foolish, but I know she didn't mean to hurt me, and did in fact care for me. It was just a mistake that we made. Still sucks yes, but I'll get by even if at the moment it does not feel like it. Thank you for reading my rant here buddy, you may not know it, but just chatting about this helps a lot, from the bottom of my heart, thank you.
Road To Joy Posted July 8, 2009 Posted July 8, 2009 I'll be fine, that I don't worry about. Frankly I am happy for her, I know this may sound foolish, but I know she didn't mean to hurt me, and did in fact care for me. It was just a mistake that we made. Still sucks yes, but I'll get by even if at the moment it does not feel like it. Thank you for reading my rant here buddy, you may not know it, but just chatting about this helps a lot, from the bottom of my heart, thank you. No problem. It seems you've been through this before, you're so confident that you're going to get by. And it's good that you're happy for her, I admire you for that. I still hate my ex for all she made me go through but I'm getting there, right? Anyways, I hope you find someone new. You seem like a really cool guy, and you deserve to be happy. PS. It's good you understand her side and know she didn't want to hurt you, etc. But I still don't like her I've been working on it by using my patented break up forgetting technique. Half a pack of smokes, long car ride, followed by sitting at home with a box set of House M.d. and some Jack and coke. This sounds fun in a calm, relaxing way.
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