If a girl has intrest in you..will she make the first move even if you dont?

[espec10001]

IME, the best way to determine the quality of the signals is to make an honest (meaning only do it if you feel attracted and/or otherwise interested in her) romantic and physical approach. I've found this is the quickest way to end ego feed behaviors. Give 'em a nice firm one on the lips and you'll have your answer. This works especially well with women who are apparently committed, like married or GF's, and still playing the ego feed game. Shuts them down in a nanosecond. Smile and move on

 

Haha. Funny you should mention this. I knew a girl once who was what I found out to be an archer. Any guy she set her eyes upon she believed she could get, "set her targets on someone". And her look WAS very powerful and piercing. Her ways were subtle; in a group she'd quietly mention "I like you", even go as far as saying "you are the love of my life." Even though I barely knew her! She'd hit on me, and say to me "I underestimated you, so-and-so."

 

So in my experience there are women out there who WILL hit on men, but you REALLY gotta watch out for them! Once they get what they want they are gone.

[Ruby Slippers]

The most I will ever do is signal my interest with eye contact, smiling, and close proximity to him. I figure if he likes me, he'll strike up a conversation and we'll go from there.

[kizik]

Girls who hit on guys are scary.

 

In all seriousness, as someone who believes in old-fashioned courtship - guy meets girl, guy asks girl out, guy pays, guy asks out again, guy makes the move to kiss, etc. - a girl doing any of those things would be a turn-off to me. I don't want aggression in a woman, I want receptivity and responsiveness.

[girl68]

I would be a definitive #2 (not shy though), albeit strong head, good will power and "go get what I want" attitude. It hasn't failed me yet!

 

That's impossible. You might not be shy, you might have a "strong head" but if you have a "go get what you want attitude" that means you go get HIM (should you want him). So that means you do not have a "go get what you want attitude", because you would not go get a man you want.

 

I am type one. So yes, OP there are SOME girls who will come get you. But your chances are not in your favor.

 

I have sucessfully started each and every relationship I've ever had.

[girl68]

Girls who hit on guys are scary.

 

Thanks, but uhh- I'm not scary. I'm not posessive, I'm not rude, I'm not obnoxious.

 

When I hit on a man, I go up to him, stike up conversation like any man would to a lady. We talk, we laugh, we exchange numbers. How in the hell is that scary?

[Trialbyfire]

That's impossible. You might not be shy, you might have a "strong head" but if you have a "go get what you want attitude" that means you go get HIM (should you want him). So that means you do not have a "go get what you want attitude", because you would not go get a man you want.

 

I am type one. So yes, OP there are SOME girls who will come get you. But your chances are not in your favor.

 

I have sucessfully started each and every relationship I've ever had.

Type 1, I reserve for the balance of my life. Dating, type 2, less the shyness, with elements of type 1 in the form of a big, green light, etc. to interesting parties, gets me what I want in life.

[EddieN]

The most I will ever do is signal my interest with eye contact, smiling, and close proximity to him. I figure if he likes me, he'll strike up a conversation and we'll go from there.

 

Very true. I consider myself pretty shy, but if a girl is looking at me and smiling at me, I'm not shy anymore.

 

Thanks, but uhh- I'm not scary. I'm not posessive, I'm not rude, I'm not obnoxious.

 

When I hit on a man, I go up to him, stike up conversation like any man would to a lady. We talk, we laugh, we exchange numbers. How in the hell is that scary?

 

Not scary at all. I think kizik meant the REALLY aggressive women. I've had a few unattractive women come up to me and get really sexual, like rubbing my leg close to my groin. If an attractive woman did that, I would be delighted, not scared. But so far it's just been really overweight girls. I tried my best to avoid them after they hit on me hard.

 

But I would LOVE for a cute girl to come up to me and strike up a conversation.

[carhill]

LOL, a 'fat girl' can always lose weight, but a boorish and shallow girl, even if 'pretty', will likely never be anything more than that. It's interesting that a woman showing confidence, even if a 'fat girl', is a turn-off. Have you ever thought about how she looks in the mirror, sees her reality and still has the psychology and will to put herself out there? Those are some pretty positive qualities in my book. Perhaps that's more reflective of my age and life experience than anything else. You like what you like

[EddieN]

LOL, a 'fat girl' can always lose weight, but a boorish and shallow girl, even if 'pretty', will likely never be anything more than that. It's interesting that a woman showing confidence, even if a 'fat girl', is a turn-off. Have you ever thought about how she looks in the mirror, sees her reality and still has the psychology and will to put herself out there? Those are some pretty positive qualities in my book. Perhaps that's more reflective of my age and life experience than anything else. You like what you like

 

I get what you're saying, and honestly I would consider an overweight girl who aggressively hit on me more than one who was too shy to. Still though, I have a right to be shallow at my age. =p

[kizik]

I think kizik meant the REALLY aggressive women.

 

Yeah, pretty much. There was a girl a while back (yep, she was a 'big girl') who kept calling and emailing me until I had to say, "I don't think we're ever going to be ANYthing more than friends." Voila, no more calls.

 

It's interesting that a woman showing confidence, even if a 'fat girl', is a turn-off. Have you ever thought about how she looks in the mirror, sees her reality and still has the psychology and will to put herself out there? Those are some pretty positive qualities in my book.

 

While I respect those points, as I said, I'm old-fashioned and I like to do the initial chasing. A woman doing those things sets a bad precedent for any ensuing relationship, IMO. I like to wear the pants and if it starts off with her asking me out, consider me 'pantless'.

 

Consider Kate Winslet's pursuit of Jim Carrey in Eternal Sunshine. While that may have worked for Carrey's character, there's no way in hell I'd respond to a chick asking me out, telling me she was gonna be my wife, etc.

 

Anyway, some light interest is good, but take it too far and you've already freaked me out.

[Brady_to_Moss]

The most I will ever do is signal my interest with eye contact, smiling, and close proximity to him. I figure if he likes me, he'll strike up a conversation and we'll go from there.

 

 

Why dont you feel like you should start the convo?

[carhill]

I get what you're saying, and honestly I would consider an overweight girl who aggressively hit on me more than one who was too shy to. Still though, I have a right to be shallow at my age. =p

I support your right and privilege to choose. You are attracted to whom you are attracted to. I don't even know, necessarily, that it's 'shallow'. I'm just offering another path to consider for reflection

[Ruby Slippers]

Why dont you feel like you should start the convo?

A woman wants to feel that the man really wants her, that he sees her as worth taking a risk for. The smart female is looking for loyalty and security. A man who pursues her lets her know from the get-go that he is into her, that he wants her, that he sees her as a catch. All this suggests he will treat her right, be loyal, and provide the security she is wise to desire.

 

Men who do not have the confidence to approach and go after what they want give the impression that they are likely to settle for anyone who shows interest in them, even if the interest and attraction are mediocre or weak. Nobody wants to be that girl, because if someone he perceives as better comes across his radar, he's moving on.

[Chicago_Guy]

This is true, and you should go with the flow and be proactively flirtatious and gentlemanly and DON'T expect women to do ANYthing first. If you don't make the first move, there will be NO move and you'll be friended like Facebook.

 

I don't think this is true for all women. Some women will continually let a guy see her looking/checking him out to let him know she's interested. That's the way it seems to work at the gym.

[Thaddeus]

A man who pursues her lets her know from the get-go that he is into her, that he wants her, that he sees her as a catch.

I've said this before but the myth of the chase prevails.

 

If you make a man chase you, you will attract chasers. And chasers aren't remotely interested in forming and maintaining stable relationships, it's the thrill of the chase that they like so much. So once you've set up a "chase me" game that finally comes to a conclusion, you'll find that the chaser will be off in a heartbeat chasing the next little chickie in a short skirt, stilettos and crop top who's good at the "chase me" game.

 

Really, I wish women would get this.

[Brady_to_Moss]

I've said this before but the myth of the chase prevails.

 

If you make a man chase you, you will attract chasers. And chasers aren't remotely interested in forming and maintaining stable relationships, it's the thrill of the chase that they like so much. So once you've set up a "chase me" game that finally comes to a conclusion, you'll find that the chaser will be off in a heartbeat chasing the next little chickie in a short skirt, stilettos and crop top who's good at the "chase me" game.

 

Really, I wish women would get this.

 

 

I agree 100%

[Isolde]

There's a difference between being somewhat demure, with regard to dating, and being passive-aggressive. Of course, different strokes for different folks, and different situations... I've been proactive before and don't regret it, though I decided it wasn't the approach for me.

[kizik]

Receptive? So you're her servant?

 

Hmm, nooo... but I do want to be able to act like a man who takes charge, instead of feeling smothered.

 

Anyway, I get what you're saying. I'm mostly talking about the initial dating stages here. Of course I wouldn't want it to be like that in a genuine, two-sided relationship.

[kizik]

BTW, NTLS -

 

disagreeing with every single thing said officially DOES make you a troll.

[Trialbyfire]

I'd rather a woman risk half of the rejection than make me risk all of it.

Because you're a man, aren't you?

 

What does it say about a woman who passes all the emotional risks on to a man?

It says that she can...

 

Is that nurturing?

I've always preferred men, not little boys who need to be nurtured by their surrogate mother. Very Peter Pan.

 

Does that make a man assume she would be a good mother?

If men can't even hunt up a date, what kind of provider will they be?

[kizik]

Freaking troll alert, man... NTLS, why are you so angry?

[Trialbyfire]

So men are little boys when they want to only half the intiating but women are not when they expect men to do 100% which means they expect to be nurtured and provided for. You expect to have a man provide you with your basic needs. Ridiculous.

Yes, he must nurture, provide, cook, clean and do the laundry. I will lounge like a princess and go to the spa or out for lunch with the girls. Get used to it. It's a tough life being a man.

[Cora]

I would NOT and would NEVER make the first move!

[Thaddeus]

I would NOT and would NEVER make the first move!

Then you're going to miss out on a lot of wonderful opportunities for happiness.

 

Whatever happened to "take responsibility for your life"?

[Cora]

Then you're going to miss out on a lot of wonderful opportunities for happiness.

 

Whatever happened to "take responsibility for your life"?

 

Maybe so, but I do not show interest where it may not be welcomed. I have a huge fear of rejection. Does this make me a coward? Probably so, and I'll admit it. It's just always been this way. Haven't figured out how to change it yet.