shaytasha_95 Posted July 6, 2009 Posted July 6, 2009 Okay so I have been dating my boyfriend for about a year and a half, we live together and I have known that he watches porn, not recently but he has while we've lived together (with in the last 8 months at least) and today some how the subject came up of me stating that he's watched porn, he said he hasnt for the past 2 years, i said "I know you have bc i found it on your old computer" Mind you that in this part of the conversation i stated i really didnt care if he watched porn bc i even watch it sometimes. I was laughing and telling him that i knew he did... thinking that maybe he forgot he did or it just didnt jog a memory at the time... no it jogged his memory he just decided to lie.. even though i said it was ok.. when we got home.. and i ignored him for a little bit, he came up to me and said sorry, that he didnt want me to think he was just a typical guy, or for it to hurt my feelings.. i explained that he should know me better and that he's not just a typical guy, and that porn was nothing, i just REALLY hate lying. should i just let it roll off my shoulder??? i mean this isnt the first little thing he's lied about...
Enema Posted July 7, 2009 Posted July 7, 2009 He didn't believe you when you said you don't care about it. The vast bulk of women don't "get" porn, so a lot of men will lie about it to try and keep the peace.
JackJack Posted July 7, 2009 Posted July 7, 2009 "I mean this isn't the first little thing he has lied about." Well the way I see it, is the "lie" hurt worse than the porn. Since this isn't this first time he has lied, it will have to be up to you, with what you will and will not accept. If its not that big of a deal to you that he lied, then don't worry about it. If it is, and he has done this before, then maybe you need to look at that.
sally4sara Posted July 7, 2009 Posted July 7, 2009 Lying doesn't just CAUSE mistrust. It also happens because of a lack of trust. My fiance and I both experienced a childhood of lies. We both had to lie to (he with his dad, I with my mom) one of our parents about stupid stuff to avoid beatings. When I ran away from home I came to realize the urge to lie to someone is born of the feeling that they have power over you. I decided to never give that power to anyone again. In the first year of our relationship, the only problems we experienced were due to him still being stuck in this mode. He didn't trust me (or anyone really) enough to be completely honest with them. He was still use to fearing the consequences of honesty. He didn't fear I would beat him, but he was still living the patterns of childhood abuse. I *might* get mad about this or that, but he feared it would be worse. Sure, I might be mad for a bit and perhaps he could make it up to me or apologize so we could move forward but - In his mind, it would be the end of us if he were to always be honest. I helped him feel assured that I could be mad at him and still love him. You need to have a talk like this with your BF.
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