lora22 Posted July 10, 2009 Posted July 10, 2009 ah lora hello again! I took your past thought of if I did call her what to say. You said if I do, not to say something self-deprecating. I've had some conflict with this since some ladies say I should say I'm sorry for calling ect...which is true since I know it would upset her. Anyways this would be the last time I could assure you. Its just for verifying if she indeed did get the book. Well now that I know more of the story, I can understand why you might start with an apology. Buuuuuttt.....even though that's the case, I still don't think you should apologize If you do call her, I would stick to "This will be the last time I contact you, I just need to know if etc." and then thank her for her time. It sounds like she probably wouldn't answer if you called though?
Quickill Posted July 10, 2009 Posted July 10, 2009 Hey, I'm new here but your thread reminded me of something that happend to me recently. First off let me say this. She does not want to speak to you. I know that's harsh but it's the truth. I know from experience. What you think of being considerate, she thinks of as being stalkerish. You asked what is the craziest thing you've done for love. How about driving though a blizzard and getting frostbite on my left index finger just plow out a girl’s driveway. Does that count? I had dated this girl a few times last winter and she lived way out in the boondocks. Well we had one hell of a snowstorm and I knew the DOT rarely made it out to her place so I think "Hey, I got a plow truck. I could help her out!" so I drive out plow the road to her house and her driveway and leave. (She was not home at the time) So I call her the next day. No answer. Well, I leave a message and go about my day. After another few days, I don't hear anything so I can again. No answer. Well now I'm getting a little concerned I mean I know she's around, we live in a small town so I see her about her day but just can't seem to contact her. So I give up for about two weeks then decide to give it one more try. I call, no answer. After I hang up I get this text. "Please don't try to contact me anymore. Your constant harassment and stopping by unannounced (I can only think of when I plowed her driveway as stopping by unannounced) are stressing me out. Please do not call, text or email me." Well I was a bit put out, I guess this girl misconstrued my gesture of kindness as trying to control her life or impose my will or something. That was not the case, it's just the kind of guy I am. I don't write poems, or buy flowers. I try to make the lives of people I care for easier, that's how I show affection. So long story short just forget her. If she wants to contact you she will. P.S. I got the frostbite when a hydraulic solenoid crapped out and I had to fix it in 30 below weather just to get out of her driveway. Now I have a nice scar to remind me to quit being so nice.
SoulSearch_CO Posted July 10, 2009 Posted July 10, 2009 Now I have a nice scar to remind me to quit being so nice. Eh. Don't let it sour you. There will be women that would appreciate your gesture. Crazy things I've done for love...well, mine turned out well. How about driving 4 hours one direction every week to go see my X? I was working on one side of the state, him on the other. He was in the military, so he couldn't leave. A couple of times I ended up in a bad storm. But it was important to me. Or how about after we were married...packing up a one-bedroom apartment and moving it by myself to storage so I could join him at his new post? Damn military. LOL I guess in the long run, if you think about it, things didn't turn out well for my effort. But I still think the "crazy" gestures are worth it. The feeling of using one's heart more than one's head is a fabulous feeling. If the other person doesn't appreciate it, that's their problem.
Author yonex Posted July 10, 2009 Author Posted July 10, 2009 Hm sorry to hear your frostbite story. I wish I had a physical scar to remind of the time I had with her...only thing I got left is a picture of us taken by some drunk guy at the resort. Well you dated her so I guess it was normal. For me I just spent around a week with her but I ended up doing this. Maybe I'm a psycho or maybe I just liked her too much. haha her calling me? WOW there's about a -90% chance of that happening. Thanks Lora for you're response. I was thinking something along the lines of: Hey, I know I'm upsetting you by calling you but this is the last time I will contact you.I just wanted to know.... If I do plan to do it I hope she doesn't hang up. The thing is she said don't text me again...so technically that means I can call her still if I wanted to...but I know she probably meant cut off all contact but she didn't say that.
Sosilent Posted July 10, 2009 Posted July 10, 2009 Hm sorry to hear your frostbite story. I wish I had a physical scar to remind of the time I had with her...only thing I got left is a picture of us taken by some drunk guy at the resort. Well you dated her so I guess it was normal. For me I just spent around a week with her but I ended up doing this. Maybe I'm a psycho or maybe I just liked her too much. haha her calling me? WOW there's about a -90% chance of that happening. Thanks Lora for you're response. I was thinking something along the lines of: Hey, I know I'm upsetting you by calling you but this is the last time I will contact you.I just wanted to know.... If I do plan to do it I hope she doesn't hang up. The thing is she said don't text me again...so technically that means I can call her still if I wanted to...but I know she probably meant cut off all contact but she didn't say that. I could see why you wanted to call her but I'm not sure how I would make the call......
Quickill Posted July 11, 2009 Posted July 11, 2009 I after your reply I reread my post and realized I left out the reason for writing that whole story. I did call her after she sent me that text just to ask why? Because I had to know what I did that was so horrible that I should never call her. Well it was a bad idea. Lets just say the conversation did not go as I'd planned and my ass is still a little raw. I can only speak from my own experience but I believe that the book is not your whole reason for calling. You want to talk to her, hear her voice, reestablish communications, and maybe get back to what you had. Like I said I may be way off base and if I am I'm sorry, but I think I'm a least close to the mark. If the book was that important to her she would have contacted you if she had not received it. The best thing you can do for yourself and I know it sounds impossible. Delete her phone number. Get rid of the temptation. I have found myself staring at my cell wondering if I should just try one more time just to find out this that or the other thing. In the end it is best to just move on. Hope this helps somewhat.
SoulSearch_CO Posted July 11, 2009 Posted July 11, 2009 I can only speak from my own experience but I believe that the book is not your whole reason for calling. You want to talk to her, hear her voice, reestablish communications, and maybe get back to what you had. Like I said I may be way off base and if I am I'm sorry, but I think I'm a least close to the mark. I agree. This guy I dated turned out to be a total sleaze - he was dating other women. We were agreeable on splitting ways, but it still annoyed me (even though I didn't have deep feelings for him) and I wanted to see if I could get a rise out of him. I went over to his house on the guise of getting back my CDs, but really I wanted to see if he'd make a move. He did, I rejected him, I got my satisfaction. LOL If I were you, I just wouldn't bother with the call. Who's to say she'll even talk to you about the book at all? She might hang up the moment she hears your voice, or hell - that's what caller ID is for - just never answer at all. You're making yourself look really bad. You might tell yourself it's about the book - but she won't see it that way.
Author yonex Posted July 11, 2009 Author Posted July 11, 2009 I agree. This guy I dated turned out to be a total sleaze - he was dating other women. We were agreeable on splitting ways, but it still annoyed me (even though I didn't have deep feelings for him) and I wanted to see if I could get a rise out of him. I went over to his house on the guise of getting back my CDs, but really I wanted to see if he'd make a move. He did, I rejected him, I got my satisfaction. LOL If I were you, I just wouldn't bother with the call. Who's to say she'll even talk to you about the book at all? She might hang up the moment she hears your voice, or hell - that's what caller ID is for - just never answer at all. You're making yourself look really bad. You might tell yourself it's about the book - but she won't see it that way. Obviously I would like to hear her voice. Who wouldn't in my situation? But I swear thats the only reason why I was going to call, since I took a lot of trouble not only getting the book but also trying to get it to her. There is a chance she could hang up but I could call from a cell phone she doesn't know. As for forgetting her number...it is permanently embedded into my memory. She knows I'm an honest guy and I think if I would call her this last time she would probably understand....who knows though
funwithpaint Posted July 11, 2009 Posted July 11, 2009 craziest thing? Hows a knife fight sound? I got in a legit knife fight with a girls dad after he hit her right in front of me. Her older brother broke it up before things got bad.
Author yonex Posted July 11, 2009 Author Posted July 11, 2009 craziest thing? Hows a knife fight sound? I got in a legit knife fight with a girls dad after he hit her right in front of me. Her older brother broke it up before things got bad. Damn thats pretty harsh...her dad might come after me soon who knows.
Island Girl Posted July 12, 2009 Posted July 12, 2009 So then I guess I'll never know if she received the book. That was a waste of money then. What is it that you hoped the book would accomplish?
Author yonex Posted July 12, 2009 Author Posted July 12, 2009 Was it enough stalker for you? I knew she really liked this book, and could not get a hold of it. Well I'm a really generous guy and this is what I do when I meet someone like her.(never did this kind of thing before) If she did receive it would be the end of contact,because I just would want her to keep that book and maybe it would spark the memories we had some time ago.
Island Girl Posted July 12, 2009 Posted July 12, 2009 Was it enough stalker for you? I knew she really liked this book, and could not get a hold of it. Well I'm a really generous guy and this is what I do when I meet someone like her.(never did this kind of thing before) If she did receive it would be the end of contact,because I just would want her to keep that book and maybe it would spark the memories we had some time ago. So if she did receive it (and if you delivered it to her work it is just about 100%) then there is nothing more to it, right? So knowing she did or didn't get it doesn't make it a waste of money. Your intention was that she get it and have fond memories. There is no reason to think that she didn't receive it. Believe she did and she has fond memories. End of story. And your tale wasn't stalkerish. You made a gesture and do not even expect to be back in touch. You aren't persisting. Stalkers keep persisting again and again when they know the girl is not interested.
Author yonex Posted July 12, 2009 Author Posted July 12, 2009 So if she did receive it (and if you delivered it to her work it is just about 100%) then there is nothing more to it, right? So knowing she did or didn't get it doesn't make it a waste of money. Your intention was that she get it and have fond memories. There is no reason to think that she didn't receive it. Believe she did and she has fond memories. End of story. And your tale wasn't stalkerish. You made a gesture and do not even expect to be back in touch. You aren't persisting. Stalkers keep persisting again and again when they know the girl is not interested. You can't assume its 100%. Also this was after she told me things are not going to work out between us. Do you have an idea if I were to call her how I would ask her if she got it? I know she would be upset.
SpanksTheMonkey Posted July 12, 2009 Posted July 12, 2009 I traveled half way across the world for love it didn't work but I wouldn't take it back for 1 min... I still live half way across the world and are happier for it..
Island Girl Posted July 12, 2009 Posted July 12, 2009 You can't assume its 100%. Also this was after she told me things are not going to work out between us. I said it is about 100%. You, on the other hand, should assume it is 100%. Assume it was delivered. End of story. Do you have an idea if I were to call her how I would ask her if she got it? I know she would be upset. If you know she will be upset then YOU DO NOT CALL. I repeat: DO NOT CALL HER. There is no reason to call her. If she did get it then what? You have already said - you'd leave her alone. SO JUST SKIP TO THE END AND LEAVE HER ALONE. If she didn't get it -- Now she is upset - and then what are you going to do? Send her another one? That'd be a really REALLY bad idea! So AGAIN just skip to the end of each scenario and leave her alone.
Author yonex Posted July 12, 2009 Author Posted July 12, 2009 I said it is about 100%. You, on the other hand, should assume it is 100%. Assume it was delivered. End of story. If you know she will be upset then YOU DO NOT CALL. I repeat: DO NOT CALL HER. There is no reason to call her. If she did get it then what? You have already said - you'd leave her alone. SO JUST SKIP TO THE END AND LEAVE HER ALONE. If she didn't get it -- Now she is upset - and then what are you going to do? Send her another one? That'd be a really REALLY bad idea! So AGAIN just skip to the end of each scenario and leave her alone. well the people at her work didn't look like the smartest group of people,since the manager wasn't there I had to leave it with this kid. I really want to take you're advice Island girl but the suspense is killing me.
Bejita463 Posted July 12, 2009 Posted July 12, 2009 It isn't about the book. You know it, we know it, and if you call her she'll know it.
Author yonex Posted July 12, 2009 Author Posted July 12, 2009 It isn't about the book. You know it, we know it, and if you call her she'll know it. I didn't want to EXPLODE here but WHAT THE HELL? What do you know buddy about this at all? You just can't make half ass comments like that without judging the situation. Listen to me. I know I have no chance with her but it took a lot of money and time to get this to her, but I guess you don't understand what it means to me if she did get it. I'm really being honest here but if you don't believe me then whatever...
Loveboat Posted July 12, 2009 Posted July 12, 2009 Hmm well would there be any other way knowing she got it?
Island Girl Posted July 12, 2009 Posted July 12, 2009 I didn't want to EXPLODE here but WHAT THE HELL? What do you know buddy about this at all? You just can't make half ass comments like that without judging the situation. Listen to me. I know I have no chance with her but it took a lot of money and time to get this to her, but I guess you don't understand what it means to me if she did get it. I'm really being honest here but if you don't believe me then whatever... To be fair yonex, this is exactly what I was getting at when I asked what happens next. In cases like this where there are personal belongings that are chased after -- gifts that need to be checked on to make sure they were received, etc. There is ALWAYS an ulterior motive. There is some very deep ulterior motive for the push here. There is a reason you want to contact even though you KNOW she'll be upset. Let's say the book is lost. She never got it. It has disappeared. Then what? Are you going to buy another one and give that one to her? If so, you could do that right now and MAKE SURE it was delivered. You could use FedEx or UPS and have a signed verified delivery. And she would get a FedEx package at her work.
Loveboat Posted July 12, 2009 Posted July 12, 2009 To be fair yonex, this is exactly what I was getting at when I asked what happens next. In cases like this where there are personal belongings that are chased after -- gifts that need to be checked on to make sure they were received, etc. There is ALWAYS an ulterior motive. There is some very deep ulterior motive for the push here. There is a reason you want to contact even though you KNOW she'll be upset. Let's say the book is lost. She never got it. It has disappeared. Then what? Are you going to buy another one and give that one to her? If so, you could do that right now and MAKE SURE it was delivered. You could use FedEx or UPS and have a signed verified delivery. And she would get a FedEx package at her work. Maybe the book was pricy and he cant sent it agian
Island Girl Posted July 12, 2009 Posted July 12, 2009 Maybe the book was pricy and he cant sent it agian So if he can't send it again: Let's say she got it. He confirms she got it. What changes? NOTHING. Let's say she didn't get it. He confirms that. What changes? STILL NOTHING. Except IN BOTH CASES since he contacted - now she is upset and who knows what happens because of that. We have posters here who have contacted knowing the other would be upset and the police got involved. NOT GOOD.
Author yonex Posted July 12, 2009 Author Posted July 12, 2009 So if he can't send it again: Let's say she got it. He confirms she got it. What changes? NOTHING. Let's say she didn't get it. He confirms that. What changes? STILL NOTHING. Except IN BOTH CASES since he contacted - now she is upset and who knows what happens because of that. We have posters here who have contacted knowing the other would be upset and the police got involved. NOT GOOD. 1. If she got it then I would feel relieved and move on easier. 2. I don't call her and I will be burned of not knowing for who knows how long. But I guess I just have to move my sorry A ss forward since I know it would upset her and I don't want her to through that.
Island Girl Posted July 13, 2009 Posted July 13, 2009 1. If she got it then I would feel relieved and move on easier. 2. I don't call her and I will be burned of not knowing for who knows how long. I know it will be difficult to accept this but it will not make moving on any easier. You think it will but I can tell you it won't. Lots of people go down this road. And they all claim whatever it is will make it easier. But it never does. The only thing that does make it easier is acceptance that it is over and any amount of time spent thinking about her or anything related to her is a waste of time and a barrier to moving on with your life. You have said if you contact her, she'll be upset. There is the chance that even if you do call she will not answer. And if she does answer, and you get the chance to ask, that you will not get an answer to your question. You are not guaranteed of getting a straight answer no matter what. The cards are stacked against you. You must start thinking about what is truly best for you. And that has nothing to do with this question OR the answer. What is best for you is to let go of the whole thing and move on.
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