sweetbutcheeky Posted July 6, 2009 Posted July 6, 2009 I met this guy on eharmony and we exchanged email addresses and talked for a bit. He have me his number but at that time I was really sick, so we didn't end up chatting on the phone for a week later or so. So he asked me out on a date and it was great. Felt really easy, great comunication and he asked me out for a second date at the end. 3 days later he called so I thought he was interested. He called again, then I called him when we bought a new house to tell him about it and he wanted to know when we got the house and if he could come over. (I had been letting him do the calling) He also asked me in that conversation if I was interested in him, which surprised me. It eneded with him telling me he had wanted to kiss me on the first date. Then I didn't hear from him for about a week, when he appeared again and he said he was really busy. Then we had another conversation or 2 now it's been 4 or 5 days since I have heard from again. It has always been 3 weeks since our first date and he hasn't asked for the second date yet. (the first weekend he said he was busy but the following week he would cal me to do something) Don't get me wrong I wasn't counting or sitting by the phone or anything, I was busy doing things and just thought to myself today that it had been a while since I heard from him and checked my cell to see when we last talked. And just to confuse me more he mentions things like asking me to invite him over to the new house or asking me to invite him over for a wii competition. But then I don't hear from him and not plans for a second date .... My gut tells me that if he does't make the call for the second date or call much, he isn't interested. But then says things like I mentioned above and he makes it confusing. So I need some input from the guys, when guys do these kinds of things are you interested? Or just saying these things (for a reason I can't figure out) but aren't serious? Thanks!
Author sweetbutcheeky Posted July 7, 2009 Author Posted July 7, 2009 No one have any opinions? Is a guy interested or not if he appears and disappears? Obviously if he doesn't call he isn't. But I don't understand the grey area, coming and going mixed messages. What do you want when you talk about a second date, doing 'blank' together or say that you are interested? But then a week goes by and no word from you, but then you do pop up again. Frustrated and confuses me cause I don't understand if they are truly interested or not. I would rather know then we can go for it or end it there. What do guys that act like this want?
Thaddeus Posted July 7, 2009 Posted July 7, 2009 What do guys that act like this want? You said that you've been making him do all the calling. Bad idea. If you're into some sort of vain "chase me" game (I'm not saying you are, but he may be perceiving it like that) guess what you'll attract? Chasers. Those who are interested in the thrill of the chase and the conquest, only to dump that one when the next "chase me" chickie in a short skirt and crop top comes bouncing around. I'm not suggesting that all the calling should be up to you, but you have to take responsibility for contact as well. Here's the thing that, for some reason, may women have a hard time understanding and by gawd I wish they'd get it: A relationship is part of a man's life. Only in very rare circumstances is it the primary part - wedding day, honeymoon, stuff like that. Otherwise, a man will be focused primarily on other things like his career, his work in the community, his kids (if he has any), his social circle and friends and all the other things that make up his life. It's not that the relationship is unimportant, it's just that it's one facet of (hopefully) a full and dynamic life. It's probably not that he's uninterested, he's just busy with other facets of his life. And that is as it should be. The alternative is one of those fellows who's constantly calling, all clingy and so forth. Who needs that? Ewww... Want to know for sure? Call him. Make arrangements for a date. If that date/time doesn't work, suggest an alternative. If he blows that off as well, then you have your answer. Good luck.
Chicago_Guy Posted July 7, 2009 Posted July 7, 2009 ... He called again, then I called him when we bought a new house to tell him about it and he wanted to know when we got the house and if he could come over. (I had been letting him do the calling) He also asked me in that conversation if I was interested in him, which surprised me. It eneded with him telling me he had wanted to kiss me on the first date. Then I didn't hear from him for about a week, when he appeared again and he said he was really busy. Then we had another conversation or 2 now it's been 4 or 5 days since I have heard from again. It has always been 3 weeks since our first date and he hasn't asked for the second date yet. (the first weekend he said he was busy but the following week he would cal me to do something) Don't get me wrong I wasn't counting or sitting by the phone or anything, I was busy doing things and just thought to myself today that it had been a while since I heard from him and checked my cell to see when we last talked. ... I think he probably was interested, but he thinks you either aren't interested in him or are playing him. So you "let" him do the calling? I really don't understand why some women think that guys like doing all of the calling. When he called you, did you answer the phone or did you return his phone call a few days later? The fact that he asked you during your post-date conversation whether you like him tells me that he probably thought that you seemed either aloof or indifferent during your date and he really isn't sure about your intentions. If you really do like this guy, you need to do something to let him know; otherwise, he'll just give up and move onto another woman who shows more interest.
Author sweetbutcheeky Posted July 8, 2009 Author Posted July 8, 2009 I guess that wasn't 100% true, I did call him twice. Once I mentioned to tell him about the house and another when he wasn't feeling well to see how he was. In defense of woman we have been taught (though probably by each other) that if you call too much you seem needy (scare him off) or if you have to pursue him then your trying to get someone interested in you that isn't, one sided. When he did call I picked up when I was home and if I missed a call would call when I saw the missed call. No games. Well obviously isn't a relationship yet since getting the second date is the issue! lol And no I don't expect him to be thinking about me all the time or investing all of his time. The same with myself, dating/relationship is part of my life, but you also have to make time for it too (too busy with other aspects of his live). Cause if I hardly hear from him how can I get to know him? I have experienced the other end too and boy not what I want as well, I had a guy call and txt me 8 times in one day when I already told him I was going to be out all day and wouldn't hear the phone! I was surprised that he asked me if I was interested because I said I would love a second date when he asked me at the end of our first date. When he asked me if I was interested I told him I was and when I asked that he didn't know? He said he wasn't good at picking up signals. I asked him the same, if he ws interested in me and he said "I wanted to kiss you on the first date!" But he hadn't because we were standing in the street at the time with lots of people around at his car - I walked home from where we met because I was close by but he offered me a ride home. I do like him of course I don't know if I really like him because I need to talk and see him more. You guys don't think it would sound pushy/needy/or impatient if I called him and say why don't we do "blank' this weekend if your free? I think it was the Thursday of the following week after the first date I mentioned doing something that weekend and he said he was busy, that he would call me to do something the following week, but never did.
Author sweetbutcheeky Posted July 8, 2009 Author Posted July 8, 2009 I should add I have girl friends in my ear telling me that if I push him he will do the opposite which I admit I believe because of past experiences. A lso I don't buy the being busy for a week or more, I don't expect dating or me to be your main focus by any means. But over a week if your interested you couldn't find the time for a call, email or txt message?
boogieboy Posted July 8, 2009 Posted July 8, 2009 One or two calls doesnt make a stalker. Call him up to make a "blank" date to show youre interested, and if he doesnt respond, dont worry bout it. But I detect in your story that you did keep yourself a lil too aloof. You cant just sit back and make him do all the work, you have to help out, hes not gonna pursue if you dont show any interest.
Scorpio13c Posted July 8, 2009 Posted July 8, 2009 Hi Sweetbutcheeky, I don't know how Eharmony works, but it seems to me like he may have another woman he's seeing. Just my opinion, sorry. Scorp
alphamale Posted July 8, 2009 Posted July 8, 2009 So I need some input from the guys, when guys do these kinds of things are you interested? generally? no
Author sweetbutcheeky Posted July 9, 2009 Author Posted July 9, 2009 One or two calls doesnt make a stalker. Call him up to make a "blank" date to show your interested, and if he doesnt respond, dont worry bout it. But I detect in your story that you did keep yourself a lil too aloof. You cant just sit back and make him do all the work, you have to help out, hes not gonna pursue if you dont show any interest. Thanks for the advise, I think I will call him tomorrow. I wouldn't say aloof, but not wanting to pursue to much or more than him. (as I said because don't want to come off impatient, needy and so on) Hi Sweetbutcheeky, I don't know how Eharmony works, but it seems to me like he may have another woman he's seeing. Just my opinion, sorry. Scorp Well we only went out once so I don't expect him to not be dating other woman, no idea if he is or isn't. Eharmony is just a way of meeting people. generally? no That was my gut reaction too.
Author sweetbutcheeky Posted July 9, 2009 Author Posted July 9, 2009 So today I sent him a txt message (because I knew he could answer them at work), this is what he said: SBC: Would you like to go out this weekend? M: Does Sunday afternoon sound good? SBC: That's a good day for me too. M: Give me a call later. SBC: Ok will do, talk to you then. M: Look forward to chatching up So looks good! Will see how Sunday goes!
Author sweetbutcheeky Posted July 14, 2009 Author Posted July 14, 2009 So the day we talked about he said call me later to catch up. I called no answer. That must have been Thursday, I let Friday go by for him to get back to my message. Then called again Saturday asking about the date Sunday (what time and so on) but still no answer. So I left a message saying that not sure if we are still meeting up but I was going to go out and get some things done, for him to call and if I am free when he calls we will go do something. So Sunday morning he sends me a txt saying "Sorry I hadn't been abke to return your txt or phone call. I've been dealing with some personal issues. Would I be able to take a raincheck for today and re-shedule?" I don't know what it was but am understanding. I said to him: SBC: Sure raincheck is fine. I hpe things are ok and I am here if you need to talk. M: Thank you. I might take you up on that. SBC: Your welcome, feel free if you need to. So that's where we left things and I hadn't contacted him since. Do I wait for him to contact me? Do I reach out? If so when? There is also an event in the city I was thinking we could go to but not sure if I should bring it up.
boogieboy Posted July 14, 2009 Posted July 14, 2009 So the day we talked about he said call me later to catch up. I called no answer. That must have been Thursday, I let Friday go by for him to get back to my message. Then called again Saturday asking about the date Sunday (what time and so on) but still no answer. So I left a message saying that not sure if we are still meeting up but I was going to go out and get some things done, for him to call and if I am free when he calls we will go do something. So Sunday morning he sends me a txt saying "Sorry I hadn't been abke to return your txt or phone call. I've been dealing with some personal issues. Would I be able to take a raincheck for today and re-shedule?" I don't know what it was but am understanding. I said to him: SBC: Sure raincheck is fine. I hpe things are ok and I am here if you need to talk. M: Thank you. I might take you up on that. SBC: Your welcome, feel free if you need to. So that's where we left things and I hadn't contacted him since. Do I wait for him to contact me? Do I reach out? If so when? There is also an event in the city I was thinking we could go to but not sure if I should bring it up. Wait for him to contact you, he is dating someone else and you arent his priority right now.
analyzetheworld Posted July 14, 2009 Posted July 14, 2009 Wait for him to contact you, he is dating someone else and you arent his priority right now. That is a possibility, but it's also possible that he just feels overwhelmed at the moment for some reason, and doesn't want to add getting serious to the mix at the moment. In my past, I had an experience where I was seeing a girl, and we had a date, and then between contacting her again, I was involved in a car accident, and thus was working two jobs to pay bills. She called me a few weeks later, and I told her what had happened, and of course she was understanding, and we had another date. I would say give it a little time. Don't put all your eggs in one basket, so to speak, but at the same time, don't just assume he's not interested either. I would say that if he doesn't contact you within another week, then move on. That gives him enough time to deal with any situation he might be in, as well as plan to hang out with you again too. I would also say that you've done your part showing interest, and the ball is now in his court, so no need to call him back, either. Good luck.
utterer of lies Posted July 14, 2009 Posted July 14, 2009 So Sunday morning he sends me a txt saying "Sorry I hadn't been abke to return your txt or phone call. I've been dealing with some personal issues. Would I be able to take a raincheck for today and re-shedule?" I don't know what it was but am understanding. I said to him: SBC: Sure raincheck is fine. I hpe things are ok and I am here if you need to talk. M: Thank you. I might take you up on that. SBC: Your welcome, feel free if you need to. You are much too forgiving. So that's where we left things and I hadn't contacted him since. Do I wait for him to contact me? Do I reach out? If so when? There is also an event in the city I was thinking we could go to but not sure if I should bring it up. No, don't reach out. Don't contact him. Don't bring it up. He knows how to reach you. You tried several times to arrange something. Any more would seem even more desperate. Desperation is unsexy. If he was really interested in you, you wouldn't be here asking for advice. So forget about him. You are too low a priority for him.
Author sweetbutcheeky Posted July 14, 2009 Author Posted July 14, 2009 Wait for him to contact you, he is dating someone else and you arent his priority right now. Could be, but I didn't get that feeling. But since he was the one to first show interest and if he is putting me on the back burner I'm not interested if I'm not priority. That is a possibility, but it's also possible that he just feels overwhelmed at the moment for some reason, and doesn't want to add getting serious to the mix at the moment. In my past, I had an experience where I was seeing a girl, and we had a date, and then between contacting her again, I was involved in a car accident, and thus was working two jobs to pay bills. She called me a few weeks later, and I told her what had happened, and of course she was understanding, and we had another date. I would say give it a little time. Don't put all your eggs in one basket, so to speak, but at the same time, don't just assume he's not interested either. I would say that if he doesn't contact you within another week, then move on. That gives him enough time to deal with any situation he might be in, as well as plan to hang out with you again too. I would also say that you've done your part showing interest, and the ball is now in his court, so no need to call him back, either. Good luck. Since it was his idea for the date Sunday / he picked the day, that's why I had a feeling something did happen. But I wasn't putting all my eggs in one basket, I had a date with a different guy Friday. Thanks. You are much too forgiving. No, don't reach out. Don't contact him. Don't bring it up. He knows how to reach you. You tried several times to arrange something. Any more would seem even more desperate. Desperation is unsexy. If he was really interested in you, you wouldn't be here asking for advice. So forget about him. You are too low a priority for him. Wasn't several times but I don't feel a need or want to arrange anything myself. I think i could still be asking for advise if he is interested, of course only he knows but personal issues do happen. Thanks to all for the advice and input. Though a little confusing since earlier I was getting advice that I wasn't contacting him enough and now shouldn't contact him anymore! LOL
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