hj2009 Posted July 6, 2009 Posted July 6, 2009 Do you think it is wrong to talk about your personal sex life with friends? I know lots of people (especially girls... guys certainly do it as well) who talk in pretty deep detail about their sex life with friends. I also know that my current girlfriend does this, and something about it bothers me. It just seems like a sort of betrayal of trust. I don't have anything to hide, but it definitely bugs me to know that my gf's friend(s) might know if I shave, know how big I am, know what I like, etc. What do you think? Normal? Inappropriate? Also, it's killing me... I know that there is a scene about this in "I Love You, Man." Does anybody know what they are talking about or have a transcript?
girl68 Posted July 6, 2009 Posted July 6, 2009 Girls talk very indepth about sex, but I don't think guys are far from different. Not all of us talk "sex in the city" style about funky tasting spunk, but we do talk. Generally my talks go like "I need to get laid!" or "oh yeah, I'm good *wink wink*" "last night was an OMG'er". Or else it's more like advice: "he hurt me last night because he did ____, how do I make that not hurt?" "we tried that last night... was good/ wasn't... have you tried it?" Yes, sometimes preference are stated. Sometimes regarding bushes, what we (the gal) like, what we don't, what we're good at, what we're not, what we want to try, what we don't. I don't often share size, but I have. I would like to know how you know she talks about intimate details? I mean when I share with my friends (which isn't toooooo super personal- it's more about ME than about HIM) I know that my gf's (only 2 or 3) would never, ever repeat a word in respect to the subject. And if it bothers you, tell her. She probably knows nothing else, she thinks it's "normal" to do that. Which it is to an extent. Talk to her tell her you want your private life to remain private. Ask her if she can work on keeping your sex life to herself. If she can't you're perfectly allowed to be like SORRY, not interested in dating a gal AND her friends (that is your perogative!)
Raderick Posted July 6, 2009 Posted July 6, 2009 I think it's even weirder for someone to talk about their sex life to me, knowing I'm single and I haven't gotten any for a really long time.
motive2002 Posted July 6, 2009 Posted July 6, 2009 Never ever do this. I talked a bit to my friend about how awesome my girlfriend was, then he moved in on her. Obviously he liked what he heard.
JohnnyBlaze Posted July 6, 2009 Posted July 6, 2009 Lemme guess, HJ; you're young? I hate to say it, but they DO talk. In detail. Very, very graphic detail. On a few occasions, I've had the pleasure/pain [circle two] of being the lone guy in a group of girls who've had a few and are in a talkative mood. NOTHING is out of bounds. It's just something I've come to accept. On the obverse, the guys I hang with don't do in-depth sex talks. I think the most detailed we've ever gotten was "yeah, I did her". If there's something exceptionally noteworthy, it might be briefly mentioned, but that's the extent of it. Generally, guys don't talk about it, and girls don't not talk about it. It's just one of those things that are inevitable. I'm not always overjoyed knowing that every one of my girlfriend's friends knows every detail of our sex life, but as a wise man once said, "forget it, Jake. It's Chinatown." Never ever do this. I talked a bit to my friend about how awesome my girlfriend was, then he moved in on her. Obviously he liked what he heard. Motive, with all respect, your friend's a rat. I don't care if a friend's dating Miss March; a friend's girlfriend is off-limits. Sorry that he screwed you over.
EYECANDY000 Posted July 6, 2009 Posted July 6, 2009 I think everyone wants to converse with someone especially if its a close friend. I have had friends reveil intimate moments about her and her bf. and I have done the same. I think if you reveil information to a friend and they move in on your SO, then they arent a friend to begin with. No matter how much I knew about my friends SO, I never thought to get with them.
Author hj2009 Posted July 7, 2009 Author Posted July 7, 2009 Yeah, I'm not really worried about me telling my friends and having one of them try to move in on her. I just think that your sex life is kind of a personal thing between the two people, and that intimate details should not be shared to such a large extent. Johnny - yes, I am young. Do you ask because I am surprised, or because girls do this less as they get older?
girl68 Posted July 7, 2009 Posted July 7, 2009 Johnny - yes, I am young. Do you ask because I am surprised, or because girls do this less as they get older? It gets slightly better, but not much. In fact the amount doesn't change the topics just will.
Brady_to_Moss Posted July 7, 2009 Posted July 7, 2009 Me and my 5 roommates talk about it sometimes...but the most we ever elaborate on is....." yeah i banged her". Thats about as specific as we get and i notice this with most guys i know. Girls on the other hand go in depth about it.
IcemanJB Posted July 7, 2009 Posted July 7, 2009 I think only 2 people on this planet know the names of the very few girls I've slept with. Those two people happen to be my best friends. This subject is completely off limits with my family though (explained further below). One of the girls I've been with I'm sure has talked about it to a lot of people - she's just like that. Doesn't bother me, that's just not my style. Another one I would venture to say she's told 0-2 people. I know what you're thinking: "yeah right". I base this on the fact that she's very reserved and closed off in this manner - and is very close to, and living with a sibling of mine, so this topic is off limits for both of us. In a way, it's kind of cool that it's really personal. I'm curious, does anyone talk about this with family?
D-Lish Posted July 7, 2009 Posted July 7, 2009 Nothing is off-limit with most of my gf's. My best friend and I will have conversations about anything. I've also had in depth talks about sex with my close male friends.
mental_traveller Posted July 7, 2009 Posted July 7, 2009 This subject is why 75% of the opposite sex are not dating material.
JohnnyBlaze Posted July 7, 2009 Posted July 7, 2009 Johnny - yes, I am young. Do you ask because I am surprised, or because girls do this less as they get older? Door number one. I don't think your second guess ever actually happens. You'll get to the point where, as you get older, the girl won't even tell you that she's telling her friends. You'll only find out during some innocuous conversation with her friends, and one of the girls will let something slip. You just get used to it. It gets really fun when her girlfriend starts discussing events and details in your sex life that even you had forgotten about. That's always fun the first time it happens. Half the time, she'll know so many details that she may as well have been standing in the bedroom with you, videotaping the whole darn thing!
BobSacamento Posted July 7, 2009 Posted July 7, 2009 Too risky. I find the less people know the better. You tell friends, those friends tell their girlfriends, those girlfriends tell their girlfriends (who could be potential dateable women in the future). Bad scene.
The Blue Pill Posted July 7, 2009 Posted July 7, 2009 This subject is why 75% of the opposite sex are not dating material. Hahah! My personal experience, I tried something new with my last GF, and I was FURIOUS when I heard her roommate make a comment about it the next day. My GF obviously assumed that it's OK to talk about our personal intimacies, I had a VERY different opinion on the matter.
Isolde Posted July 7, 2009 Posted July 7, 2009 This is one thing that really distinguishes "dating" from actually being in a relationship, IMO. Women tend to discuss the first few dates in detail with their friends, and may even talk about sex if it gets to that point (though personally, I think detailed talk about sex with anyone other than someone you're actually having sex with is kinda gross). But once emotions come into play, and it becomes an actual R, I think it's healthier to have boundaries and keep some things private.
mortensorchid Posted July 7, 2009 Posted July 7, 2009 I have a suggestion for you : DON'T! It's ok to talk about these things with very very VERY trusted friends. Unfortunately as we are bombarded with sex and its images, we think as kids that adults talk about those things with each other so we do it too. But, unfortunate as it is, not just in talking about S-E-X, you may or may not find out that people are much more uptight than you think they are. So don't share a lot about yourself with others, not just in this topic but others as well. Chances are, you will be happier as others do not have as much ammo to use against you. Don't believe me? Share something about yourself with someone, and wait until it comes back to you. It's a rather sad reality about the world, but it's been proven time and time again to me as the truth.
pandagirl Posted July 7, 2009 Posted July 7, 2009 I don't think there is anything wrong about honestly talking about your sex life with your close friends. It's not all gossip -- sometimes you have questions or concerns about certain things and you want to ask your friends! My girlfriends and I don't discuss a whole LOT about sex, but sometimes we joke about it or ask questions, like "is this normal?" sort of thing.
Lucky_One Posted July 7, 2009 Posted July 7, 2009 I don't talk about my sex life in detail; the most I will do is make off-color jokes on sexual topics when in a group with my GF's. Way back when, I made the mistake of telling my best friend and her H that my BF was hung (and I mean HUNG) and that men's height or their shoe size had nothing to do with penis size; they immediately started calling him "The Pony" (said he was too short to be "The Stallion"). My BF was irritated that I disclosed personal information about him, and we both were uncomfortable with it after the first few instances. I wish I had never opened my mouth! Regardles, I think that personal details are exactly that - personal. I would speak to your GF about how you feel, and ask her to please not bring other people into your sexual memories.
Intricategirl Posted July 7, 2009 Posted July 7, 2009 I never talk about it. With my ex-husband, it's because the sex was so deranged and weird that there's no way I was going to admit to doing half the stuff we did. With the previous guy, there wasn't much worth talking about. With my current boyfriend, I still don't discuss it because it's very personal, and I want to keep those thoughts all to myself to savor. And I agree with the poster who said this is the difference between dating and a relationship. It kind of cheapens it to know that all my friends would know how big he is, how long he can go, various positions, and how long my orgasms last. My friends need to know that he makes me happy, is a good person, has a lot of fun, and lives a really rich, full life. Not the size of his penis.
MusicChick24 Posted July 7, 2009 Posted July 7, 2009 Most girls talk about it, in depth, but not all. I have friends who will tell me everything they did with their bf and some who will barely tell me if they kissed. It depends on that persons preference. However, my boyfriend would agree with you. He HATES anything about our relationship being released to my friends. He doesn't understand why if guys don't need to talk about it girls do. And that I can't tell you, but I think it has to do with the fact that women are more dependent on outside relationships than men. Very rarely do you hear a man ask another man if there is something wrong in his relationship. Men just don't go there with each other. It's like I heard Bill Engvall say one time. If a man says "I'm getting a divorce" to a woman friend she has to ask why etc etc but if a man says "I'm getting a divorce" to another man that man will probably reply with "Oh that sucks" or "Well let's hit the gym since you'll be dating again." It's kind of the same thing with talking about sex. Women need outside opinions and men don't.
Els Posted July 7, 2009 Posted July 7, 2009 God. Never. Why would you want to do that???? Then again, my girlfriends are all conservative -- on the outside, at least, it's hard to find sexually-open women here who will come out of their closet, and I appear conservative on the outside as well. So they'd probably faint, partly because many Americans, even, would be a little taken aback by the kinky **** that I do in my bedroom, and partly because I'm disclosing a side of me that's 180 degrees away from the side that I always show to people.
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