lucy9216 Posted July 6, 2009 Posted July 6, 2009 3 months ago my fiance left me, we had been together for 5 1/2 years. He basically treated me like a princess, I was the only one for him and promised me everything I wanted. I totally beleived him and trusted him. I had found myself growing distant from him eventhough he treated me great and we had a child together after 5 years he still had not purposed to me, I thought he never would and he just would not comitt to me in that way. Finally 4 months ago he did purpose I was soooo happy I finally knew that yes he could commit to me, then one month later he comes home from work and says he has felt like there has never been a connection between us and he is leaving me He has also been talking to another girl that lives in another state that he is just "friends" with and she agreed with him that he should leave me if he felt it was right. So of cource I begged him to change his mind but he insisted that he just did not feel that way about me. So I asked him why did you purpose, why did you agree to have a child with me? (our child together was planned) he said that he only did it to make me happy.. WTF???? So I thought about for a few days and thought that maybe it was for the best so I told him that, shortly after I said this he said well maybe we should just take a break so I agreed. One week later I find out that he has been talking to another girl at his work I told him that if he is interested in her than he can pursue that and our break is off! he says no I was just trying to help her she is going through a bad break up. Very hard to beleive but I did my best to trust him, so he comes over later that night saying that he misses me and wants to make ammense but we should still continue with our break too but we ended up sleeping together that night and we connected it was great. another week later we slept together again. The next day he says that he didn't feel a connection with me and that it is over between us, I of course was upset again and begged him to reconsider he wouldn't Two weeks later we end up talking again and he says that again that he misses me but he needs time and he thinks that maybe we can work things out some time in the future. At this point I have had to move myself and my two daughters out of our large home into a tiny apartment, my daughter had to change schools and in feb. I had lost my job he told me stay home and go to school and he will take care of us. Now I don't have a job and raising my girls on my own. So now I say he had his chances it is over!!!!!! Seriously though, who does this to someone? isn't this one of the most f****d things ever to do to someone? Now I have a date set up for this week, am I really ready for even a date? I am worried that it may be too soon I will be judging this complete stranger on anything I can find wrong with him! How do I get over this and move on without taking it out on any future possiblities?
Peanut9330 Posted July 6, 2009 Posted July 6, 2009 Well first of all I would like to say that it sound like your fiance is not sure about what he wants and seems like he's not ready to settle down and wants to have his freedom, its good that you were strong enough to get away from that however only you can decide if your ready to date and you dont have to rush into anything you can just take it slow and see how it goes, if that guy is truly interested and cares for you then he will understand, you dont have to jump into a serious relationship right away, one step at a time and you will start to feel better about dating and more confidnet about the situation. Just remember take it slow that way you can get to know him and not judge him based on your ex's actions. No two people are the same so like I said take it slow and get to know the guy that way you wont be judging him and you can decide if he's someone worth your time or not.
Author lucy9216 Posted July 7, 2009 Author Posted July 7, 2009 Thank you, you are right that is the best thing to do. I saw my ex fiance today I actually have to see him every weekend because of our daughter and he keeps complaining about his situation, so I told him today that he can't have my pity because this was his choice not mine to end our relationship. He also said today that he did not plan on leaving me he just did it. I guess the hardest part has been that I feel like I just wasn't worth it and I should be worth it to a guy that I am with. My ex also told me that he thinks a revolution is comming and he is going to be the leader, he seriously thinks he is John Connor. He told me this after we broke up, after hearing this I think it is a good thing that he is no longer around. But yes I will take it slow, I haven't met this new guy yet but been talking to him for a month he does have potential wont know for sure till I meet him, but I was worried that I would take out alot of this on him. I think I can be strong enough no too, I would hate to turn out being one of those bitter old women that lives with hundreds of cats
SincereOnlineGuy Posted July 7, 2009 Posted July 7, 2009 This man walks all over you, and you continue to allow him to do so. It almost hurts to keep reading your admissions. It is entirely fine that you value the many years you have invested IN your relationship, and IN this man, but you have to separate valuing that investment from merely valuing HIM. He, as an individual, is a dog (and we have evidence of it based on how he has walked all over you). Someone not considerably affected by her own emotional investment IN such a dog, would leave the dog in her past. Value your investment, but conclude how little the guy himself is really worth.
Author lucy9216 Posted July 7, 2009 Author Posted July 7, 2009 You make a very good point Sincereonlineguy, I have not thought of it that way. I know that if he did decide he wanted to come back I would just be afraid that he would do this to me again anyways and I deserve better. It has been mostly my "investment" as you said that I have been holding on too probably not really him as a person. I did find it really hard to beleive that he would do this because I really thought I knew him and he promised he would never do something like this to me, but atleast I know who he really is now rather than 20 years from now.
The Blue Pill Posted July 7, 2009 Posted July 7, 2009 My ex also told me that he thinks a revolution is comming and he is going to be the leader, he seriously thinks he is John Connor. Sorry to hear about the situation, he sounds like he wants to mess around. But seriously, mad props for the Terminator reference! Any woman that knows who John Connor is is alright in my book!
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