Lauriebell82 Posted July 6, 2009 Posted July 6, 2009 I can't even believe this. My friend is only 24 and she is getting divorced!!! They have been married for 4 years, however did get married along the fast side. And it's just so weird because they got engaged after 7 months and got married like 9 months later. So they really moved along and we SOOO happy. I'm not going to press her on the issue as she seems very upset but I feel so bad. I just can't believe people my age are getting divorced already. Yikes.
girl68 Posted July 6, 2009 Posted July 6, 2009 That's what happens when you rush not to mention they were too young. All they did was think the that honeymoon lasts forever. They didn't even get to live a real life before they decided to spend the rest of it together.
Touche Posted July 6, 2009 Posted July 6, 2009 Sorry about that but I'm not surprised. I think the young age has everything to do with it and not he "rushing" part. I don't think they rushed it but they were just too young. I'll still stand by my assertion that MOST (not all) are not ready for marriage before 30. P.S. Did they have a big wedding? lol
girl68 Posted July 6, 2009 Posted July 6, 2009 I'll still stand by my assertion that MOST (not all) are not ready for marriage before 30. 30 is far from 20, I'd be more willing to bet mid to late 20's.
Touche Posted July 6, 2009 Posted July 6, 2009 30 is far from 20, I'd be more willing to bet mid to late 20's. Not sure what you mean.
girl68 Posted July 6, 2009 Posted July 6, 2009 All I meant was that I don't the majority need to be 30 to be ready (excluding exceptions). I think the majoity is ready mid to late 20's and not mid 30's.
Author Lauriebell82 Posted July 6, 2009 Author Posted July 6, 2009 Sorry about that but I'm not surprised. I think the young age has everything to do with it and not he "rushing" part. I don't think they rushed it but they were just too young. I'll still stand by my assertion that MOST (not all) are not ready for marriage before 30. P.S. Did they have a big wedding? lol Yeah, it probably is the young age. Not to mention she had very few relationships prior to her marriage. It wasn't a huge wedding, like 60-70 I think?
Jilly Bean Posted July 6, 2009 Posted July 6, 2009 It's not an age thing, LB. It's probably the fact that they rushed into it. 7 months is not nearly long enough to know someone well enough for a commitment like marriage. It's still the honeymoon phase! But, don't worry, hon. It won't be contagious.
Author Lauriebell82 Posted July 6, 2009 Author Posted July 6, 2009 It's not an age thing, LB. It's probably the fact that they rushed into it. 7 months is not nearly long enough to know someone well enough for a commitment like marriage. It's still the honeymoon phase! But, don't worry, hon. It won't be contagious. Yea, that's true too. Maybe a combo though. Oh it's DEF. not contagious, just a little sureal (sp?) to think that couples are getting divorced already.
Jilly Bean Posted July 6, 2009 Posted July 6, 2009 Well, age in that they were too young to know that 7 months isn't long enough to know if a marriage will work. lol
Author Lauriebell82 Posted July 6, 2009 Author Posted July 6, 2009 Well, age in that they were too young to know that 7 months isn't long enough to know if a marriage will work. lol Well, her husband was a little older, he was 24 and she was 20 when they got married, still young but he probably should have known better.
Author Lauriebell82 Posted July 6, 2009 Author Posted July 6, 2009 You seem naieve, just like the OP. Live, learn. Are you calling me naive?
Touche Posted July 6, 2009 Posted July 6, 2009 All I meant was that I don't the majority need to be 30 to be ready (excluding exceptions). I think the majoity is ready mid to late 20's and not mid 30's. Totally disagree there. I still say MOST are not ready before 30. Mid 20's is no different to me than 20...pretty much the same maturity level there. One's brain isn't even fully developed until 25. Did you know that? And 7 months is PLENTY of time for two mature people in their 30's and beyond to know whether they're a good match or not. ONE month is enough for that matter. At least it was for my H and I. We'd been around the block a time or two so yeah. We did know after one month that we were right for each other.
Jilly Bean Posted July 6, 2009 Posted July 6, 2009 Well, her husband was a little older, he was 24 and she was 20 when they got married, still young but he probably should have known better. Eh, it's tough to tell, LB. 50% of marriages end in divorce, so the odds of success aren't weighted that way. Back in our parents time, people got married at 20, and spent a lifetime together. Go figure.
Touche Posted July 6, 2009 Posted July 6, 2009 Are you calling me naive? I don't know who she was saying that to? If she meant me she's sure barking up the wrong tree with that one!
hoping2heal Posted July 6, 2009 Posted July 6, 2009 I too think it was age and not a "rush" factor. I know two people, who got engaged on their SECOND date. Were married within 3 months. Now, it's only been 5 years; but they are still going strong. However, they were also both not in their 20's. They both had a well established sense of who they were, and they both had careers and done their schooling, trades etc. What's funny is, about 40 years marrying at 18,18,19 was fairly normal. Now days it isn't until your mid-to late 20's before you have really established a sense of who you are, and how you feel about the world and where you want to go. Anyhow, she was only 20 when she got married, that could have been the clincher.
Citizen Erased Posted July 6, 2009 Posted July 6, 2009 Quite a few people I was friends with at one time or another are already married and we're only 21-22. Not one of those marriages can I see actually lasting.
Author Lauriebell82 Posted July 6, 2009 Author Posted July 6, 2009 I think it might have been a combination of the two (age and time together). I remember when she told me she was engaged, I was only 21 and shocked that she was even considering marriage. I asked her if she was ready to get married and I remember exactly what she said "Of course I am, he is such a great guy." I even remember at one point her telling me he was a much better guy then her ex boyfriend. IMO I think they didn't really let their "masks" down until after they got married..they were probably in the honeymoon period a long time. And by the time they were out of it they were already married.
JamesM Posted July 6, 2009 Posted July 6, 2009 Eh, it's tough to tell, LB. 50% of marriages end in divorce, so the odds of success aren't weighted that way. Back in our parents time, people got married at 20, and spent a lifetime together. Go figure. Bingo. Since almost half of all marriages do end in divorce, age is not always the issue. Since 60% of all second marriages end in divorce, then again, age is not the issue. It is the maturity of the individuals and the willingness to work out all problems. It is the commitment of both to remain faithful, and it is the willingness to submit to the other's needs while forgoing one's own needs. No, not doing so out of resentment but out of love. And above all, it is necessary to do this while each grows and matures...even if they become a different person than when first married. I have some friends who were married fifteen years and they divorced. I know of a guy who was married the same day as I, and his marriages lasted just a year. But I also know of a number of marriages that have lasted over twenty years, and these started while the couple was in their early twenties. IMO, today there are too many influences that tell someone that when the going gets tough, it is time for a divorce.
hoping2heal Posted July 6, 2009 Posted July 6, 2009 Bingo. Since almost half of all marriages do end in divorce, age is not always the issue. Since 60% of all second marriages end in divorce, then again, age is not the issue. It is the maturity of the individuals and the willingness to work out all problems. It is the commitment of both to remain faithful, and it is the willingness to submit to the other's needs while forgoing one's own needs. No, not doing so out of resentment but out of love. And above all, it is necessary to do this while each grows and matures...even if they become a different person than when first married. I have some friends who were married fifteen years and they divorced. I know of a guy who was married the same day as I, and his marriages lasted just a year. But I also know of a number of marriages that have lasted over twenty years, and these started while the couple was in their early twenties. IMO, today there are too many influences that tell someone that when the going gets tough, it is time for a divorce. I agree. When a couple is having communication problems, what advice do they get? Play games, use passive aggressive behavior. "He/she doesn't do little things for me like they used to." What advice is given? "Start paying them less attention, so they come around!" They are not advised to use a skill set to work through problems, IMHO Often problems start out on a small and reasonable scale, they are never dealt with only compounded, to the point the person feels "okay time to walk away" when it's turned into a monster. If there's one thing I'm most thankful for in my relationship, it's that I know the masks are off. He knows all my negative traits, he knows what I do that would push his buttons or set him off. I know what he does that would push my buttons or set me off. We have a lot of room to grow, but we're just starting out, and I do everything I can to keep us growing in a positive manner. I'm learning a lot, but I want to be that couple who works out problems and becomes stronger. But yeah, I believe "back then" people HAD to work it out. If they didn't, it wasn't quite as easy or accessible as it is now to just get a divorce and viola. I don't think staying together was necesarily indicative though of a happy relationship, it's just that two people "needed" eachother in their respective roles back then so much more.
girl68 Posted July 6, 2009 Posted July 6, 2009 Are you calling me naive? Yes I was. Becasue you seem so utterly shocked that a young marriage such as your friends was ending. Maybe I'm just negative, but I would have thought that was going to end long before it even started. Totally disagree there. I still say MOST are not ready before 30. Mid 20's is no different to me than 20...pretty much the same maturity level there. One's brain isn't even fully developed until 25. Did you know that? A 20 year old and a 25 year old is the same age to you? Okay then, that's obviously why you have that opinion. A 5 year difference from 20 to 25 is pertty significant to most folks. At 20: living at home, part time job in school. At 25: moved out, full time job, owns car. Not even comparable!
Touche Posted July 7, 2009 Posted July 7, 2009 Yes I was. Becasue you seem so utterly shocked that a young marriage such as your friends was ending. Maybe I'm just negative, but I would have thought that was going to end long before it even started. A 20 year old and a 25 year old is the same age to you? Okay then, that's obviously why you have that opinion. A 5 year difference from 20 to 25 is pertty significant to most folks. At 20: living at home, part time job in school. At 25: moved out, full time job, owns car. Not even comparable! Nah, doesn't really make a difference. Same maturity level for the most part. As for this: But yeah, I believe "back then" people HAD to work it out. If they didn't, it wasn't quite as easy or accessible as it is now to just get a divorce and viola. I don't think staying together was necesarily indicative though of a happy relationship, it's just that two people "needed" eachother in their respective roles back then so much more. EXACTLY! Different times...that was then, this is now. And I agree with you James...it's the maturity level not the ages of the couple involved that will determine whether the marriage will be successful. But for the most part, age and maturity level DO go hand in hand. Of course there ARE the few exceptions out there.
NoIDidn't Posted July 7, 2009 Posted July 7, 2009 I think its a maturity thing, not an age thing. Like James said about the divorce rate, if it was an age thing, surely second marriages wouldn't be divorcing at a HIGHER rate than first marriages. And based on the stats for third, fourth, and so on marriages, the rates only get worse. Maturity, not age. I know plenty of couples that got married in the same age range (myself included), and they are still going strong.
allina Posted July 7, 2009 Posted July 7, 2009 My friend was divorced by her first wedding anniversary, at 24, I didn't even know this was possible. It was hard to watch and accept, I'm glad she got through it, the breakup wasn't her fault.
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