pandagirl Posted July 6, 2009 Posted July 6, 2009 Do you think a person's relationship history and how they behaved/treated past boyfriends/girlfriends, should be a factor in how you view them? For instance, if you found out the person you dated treated past SO's not very well, flippantly, etc., would that affect how you felt about that person? I ask, because I'm getting indication that the person I'm currently dating did not treat his past gf's so well... I know each person is a different case and relationship, and you can only go by how they treat YOU, but I've always veered on the side that a good person will treat everyone respectfully and kindly.
lora22 Posted July 6, 2009 Posted July 6, 2009 Do you think a person's relationship history and how they behaved/treated past boyfriends/girlfriends, should be a factor in how you view them? Yes. If a guy treats girls badly as you say is the case with your bf and his exes, why was he with them, and why would he respect you but not them? I might consider a maturity argument in some cases (where a guy learned from his mistakes and grew up), but not when it comes to an issue of respect.
Bayern Posted July 6, 2009 Posted July 6, 2009 They can change, and in many cases you probably don't know both sides of the story. I would agree, though - proceed with caution if they have a bad reputation just like anything else.
kizik Posted July 6, 2009 Posted July 6, 2009 While lots of people say that "the past is the past" and "more mystery, less history," the truth is that a person's past does directly affect their current behavior. This girl I've seen twice loves zombies, had emotionally abusive parents and likes drugs. I can't just pretend like these things came out of nowhere. BUT! We are not serious, not even close yet... so I can kind of gloss over those things. But it's never going to be a serious R, and the reason is that I almost feel too normal for her. She's going to cut out on me once she realizes I won't treat her like sh*t. Elliott Smith: "I was bad news for you just because / I never meant to hurt you." - "Pitseleh"
tanbark813 Posted July 6, 2009 Posted July 6, 2009 Depends. If they treat me well but treated their exes poorly then I would assume we're a better match and have a better relationship. If they treat me poorly and treated their exes poorly then I would assume either we're equally as poor a match or it's something more to do with her. Have you treated all of the people you've dated the same?
Ronni_W Posted July 6, 2009 Posted July 6, 2009 I think it's important to consider the source of your information. I'd bet money that my current b/f's exes would have plenty "bad" to say about him...but, in 10 years, I haven't seen it! Not that he has no faults -- I am well aware of those but, well, even *I* could spin them so he comes off sounding like a total dick/jerk. He isn't...but anyone who has an axe to grind with him can make it sound as if he is, I mean. There's a 'personal history' questionnaire at MarriageBuilders.com -- might be a better idea to each complete one, and then go over it together. Or any other method, really, where you'll be getting your info directly from him.
Author pandagirl Posted July 6, 2009 Author Posted July 6, 2009 Depends. If they treat me well but treated their exes poorly then I would assume we're a better match and have a better relationship. If they treat me poorly and treated their exes poorly then I would assume either we're equally as poor a match or it's something more to do with her. Have you treated all of the people you've dated the same? Of course, I haven't treated everyone I dated the same, but I will say -- with friends, coworkers, family, etc -- that I treat everyone kindly and with thought. Like, sometimes I have friends who are like, "well this person has never done anything bad to ME," even though they might have screwed over their friends or other people. In my mind, I don't want to associate with that kind of person. it doesn't matter if you treat ONE person well, it matters how you treat everyone.
hoping2heal Posted July 7, 2009 Posted July 7, 2009 When you say, you get the impression; Is this a confession from himself? That he didn't treat his exes very well? I guess the answer here lies ultimately in him. You might of treated an ex one way, but you may have learned since. Just like you may of treated an ex poorly, and haven't learned and you're going to keep repeating.
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