Coming home from a strip club - what goes through his head?

[worldtravelbug]

So my lovely BF came home from a strip club, walked through the door and dragged me straight to bed. Fine and dandy, but what was going through his head?

 

Was he thinking of all those beautiful bodies and wishing I were one of them? OR comparing me, thinking I'm not as tanned or my skin isn't as smooth? That I'm not sexy or he wishes I looked like one of the girls on his lap during the evening?

 

Generalizing here, but what do you fellows think when you come home from a strip club and see your GF/Wife?

 

Please note, I'm okay with this. It was a one time thing. I'm not envious and I've gone to a strip club with him before - same reaction when we came home. It really doesn't bother me and he knows strip clubs are for certain occasions only eg. Bachelor parties. He used to love them as a young man, but now he's slowed down and not that interested. I understand where men come from, they are very visual beings and its probably comparable to going shopping for a woman - just a visual stimuli. Yes shopping doesn't turn one on, but it does make us feel good, excited, happy; but then once home its all forgotten.

 

I'm hoping to get an answer from a few men here. Thanks.

[Bayern]

Never been to a strip club, but I assume they just get him excited and ready for the big show (you).

 

Sorry I can't help more...Good luck.

[Thaddeus]

There's an old saying: "Doesn't matter where you get your appetite, as long as you eat at home."

 

I used to frequent clubs like that in my younger days (haven't been for, oh, 5 or 6 years now) and I'll admit there is something appealing about some - not all - strippers. And you're right when you say that men are visual creatures.

 

He may be fantasizing about them when he's in bed with you, but I don't think that's any different if you were fantasizing about, say, Brad Pitt or (insert choice of hunk here). But the thing is that he's expressing his love to you.

 

Bayern had it right: YOU'RE the "big show."

 

The only concern I'd have would be if he's spending an inordinate amount of time at the club and burning through wads and wads of cash. But that seems not to be the case, so if I were you I really wouldn't give it a second thought.

[Jersey Shortie]

Wouldn't it be more fair to compare a non-sexual male dominated activity with something as non-sexual and female as shopping? Perhaps how men like to play golf can be compared to how women like to shop. But I personally get a little frustrated when we make comparisons about something of a sexual nature for men to something extremely benign like shopping. Because the truth is, men are no less more comfortible with their woman going out there in the big bad world and expressing their seuxality any way they please seperate of their male partner.

 

But the thing is that he's expressing his love to you.

 

Bayern had it right: YOU'RE the "big show."

 

He is expressing his horniness from the strippers and using his female partner to finish the job. I think when a man expresses his love for his partner, he actually manages to be engaged with her instead of random women. Frankly, the woman, the one that loves him isn't the big show. The big show was an hour before when he was drooling over 20 year olds and then came running home so he could finisih himself off by using his partner.

 

Not like it matters. Most Men will always go to strip clubs for years to come because that's what they care about more then their partners. I don't really think men today have a great respect or consideration for their partners by purposely going out to get titalating by other women and then expecting their own woman to be there to spread their legs. Why don't you guys actually try showing some repect for owmen for a change instead of treating us all like disposble items to you only there for your use and pleasure.

[D-Lish]

He's thinking about the stripper(s) that he got the lap dances from.

Other women got him horny, he came home and finished with you.

 

I've envisioned other men while having sex with a partner.

It is what it is, not much can be done about it.

[BobSacamento]

He's probably looking at all the losers throwing their hard earned money at those women and saying:

 

"Thank God I can get it for free at home!"

 

Well somewhat free...

[LDR]

He is expressing his horniness from the strippers and using his female partner to finish the job. I think when a man expresses his love for his partner, he actually manages to be engaged with her instead of random women. Frankly, the woman, the one that loves him isn't the big show. The big show was an hour before when he was drooling over 20 year olds and then came running home so he could finisih himself off by using his partner.

 

This describes it. I remember I once went to a friend's bachelorette party and there was a male stripper. After the party I told my boyfriend at that time that I would meet with him. When I saw him, I was very turned on, and had sex with him, while I thought about the stripper.

 

I agree with my boyfriend not being the big show as he was not the one who turned me on that evening, he was just the outlet I used to think about the male stripper. . . sad but true.

[SincereOnlineGuy]

what do you fellows think when you come home from a strip club and see your GF/Wife?

 

I'm hoping to get an answer from a few men here. Thanks.[/b]

 

You're not really doing very well in the getting-answers-from-men-who-have-ever-been-to-a-strip-club department.

 

The crap you have been getting is so shallow and absurd that it is laughable. It is downright hilarious that these answers imply that your b/f reacted in response to asses and tits he (must've) liked better than he likes yours.

 

The always-present element at a strip club is that women are perceived to be showing more vulnerability in those environs than they tend to allow themselves to show in the rest of public life. It is THAT element more than anything, which is sometimes defined by the asses and tits on display, to which men are drawn.

 

In fact, if women could figure out how to do so, they would gain so much understanding about their individual male mates merely by watching those mates when those mates were 'alone' and attending a strip club.

 

The typically counterproductive move that a woman in your shoes tends to make, is to buy into the absurd belief that the man must like some other set of tits he saw tonight/(last night) more than he likes her own. Then she'll fly off the handle only to present herself like someone who is as far from seeming both comfortable with her sexuality and vulnerable (as were the central elements in the strip club environment).

 

This, of course, almost always has the effect of driving the male more toward the strippers and further away from the outraged and insecure partner.

 

Women control their own fate as is usually the case in relationships, and yet these are the steps that so many choose. It never ceases to amaze...

 

They need to either have enough strength to break-off a relationship or apply common sense to their reactions to such things.

[butcher's hook]

 

Please note, I'm okay with this. It was a one time thing. I'm not envious and I've gone to a strip club with him before - same reaction when we came home.

 

 

If you are ok with it why are you questioning what is going through his head?

 

If I spend an hour on a sex phone line having strange men talking to me in ways that are going to get me completely aroused and to the brink of climaxing what do you think I am feeling when I finally have sex with my boyfriend? Aroused by the conversations with the strangers or my actual boyfriend?

 

He was hard for them clearly, and using you to finish off.

[Jersey Shortie]

You know what is funny is that we always make excuses because men are "visual". Now, I get that men are visual. But does that make everything they want to engage in "visually" right? Women are "emotional" right? Would it be fair for a woman to get her jollies from engaging in emotional things with other men?

 

And the example Butcher provided is a good one. Worthy of a new thread.

 

 

 

In fact, if women could figure out how to do so, they would gain so much understanding about their individual male mates merely by watching those mates when those mates were 'alone' and attending a strip club.

 

The typically counterproductive move that a woman in your shoes tends to make, is to buy into the absurd belief that the man must like some other set of tits he saw tonight/(last night) more than he likes her own. Then she'll fly off the handle only to present herself like someone who is as far from seeming both comfortable with her sexuality and vulnerable (as were the central elements in the strip club environment).

 

that can be a catch-22. Because I think more women do want to be able to be more vunlerable. The fact is, when we live in a world where sometimes even our own guys don't protect us, it's very hard for us to feel that we have a safe environment to express that. Maybe the key is for men also to provide the kind of environment that allows for women to be more vunerable. And in all honesty, do you think that a man in a relationship attending a strip club is going to make his woman more vunerable and trusting to him or less? I think in most cases, it makes a woman even less so because here she has this man she cares for and he is choosing to put himself in an environment that is all about the sexual titualtion of other women. If you want to talk about what is counterproductive..that seems to be counterproductive.

 

 

This, of course, almost always has the effect of driving the male more toward the strippers and further away from the outraged and insecure partner.

 

The male partner has already made the first step in causing his partner to distance herself from him when he decides to go to a strip club to begin with.

 

Women control their own fate as is usually the case in relationships, and yet these are the steps that so many choose. It never ceases to amaze...

 

They need to either have enough strength to break-off a relationship or apply common sense to their reactions to such things.

 

Common sense applies both ways. Please, lets not pretend that attending strip clubs is about common sense.

[worldtravelbug]

*sigh*

 

Well according to the women here I was used. I'm not sure how to take this, obviously. To some extent we all use each other alittle. Its not always about pasionate love-making is it? It was a bachelor party, was I suppose to stop the guy from guying to another friends bachelor party? Just like I would not want my boyfriend from stopping me in attending a strip show with my soon to be married friend, I'm sure he wouldn't appreciate me becoming upset either.

 

Since when does 'relationship' status imply we must control another persons actions? I certainly would be upset if I wanted to do something and couldn't. Even once, even on a special occassion. I would be very annoyed to come home to a moody upset boyfriend. I wouldn't want to be in a relationship like that.

 

Anyway, it did not upset me, it made me think about whether he was having sex with me or with someone else. But a fantasy is a fantasy, we all have them.

 

This obviously is a touchy subject for a lot of women. If this was a regular thing, I would not be with my BF. BUt once with me and once with with his friends is nothing to worry about. What does worry me is that perhaps he has a skewed perception of what a beautiful woman is - that is all about the breasts or body. This is the true problem for me, not the strip club. He has made comments about liking latinas with large breasts (I'm polish with medium breasts). He has made comments about womens skin colors.... and liking flat abbs. The one time I was in a strip club with him, he did make comments about how hot one girl was. This upset me.

 

I dont' know anymore. Perhaps its time to change boyfriends. Its not the strip club, its the fact that he likes women that look like that.

 

More than anything, the responses here have upset me. How aggressive and forcefull people are in their opinion...there are different ways of putting things and explaining them...

[Thaddeus]

Its not the strip club, its the fact that he likes women that look like that.

Love your alias, by the way.

 

With the caveats that I made before, I really don't see anything wrong with him going to the occasional strip club, just as I wouldn't see anything wrong with a woman going to a male strip club.

 

Like you said, a fantasy is a fantasy, we all have them. Nothing at all wrong with that, as long as they remain that way.

 

Point is, there are always going to be temptations (for both parties) in a relationship. But the fact is that he made a commitment to you and, from the sounds of it, he's maintaining that commitment. He's chosen you out of the myriad of possibilities. That makes you pretty special!

[Jersey Shortie]

If you don't feel used Worldtravelbug, I wouldn't worry about what other women think, even me.

 

But I don't really get the impression you are 100% cool with it.

 

I personally think that if a man thinks his woman is that special, he wouldn't feel the need to go check out the specialness of other women, even if it's just window shopping. doesn't mean you have to agree with that.

 

And I understand wondering about his attraction to you when he seems to like a certain type. I have struggled with that myself in certain relationships when I knew they seemed to like a certain type I obviously didn't fit into. Kind makes you wonder why he is with you if he still feels the need to visually seek out a certain type to pleasure himself too.

[worldtravelbug]

^ yeah I feel the same. I'm not his 'type' he's into latinas with big breast and flat abdomens. And the time I was there with him, those are the only girls he chose for dances. Makes me wonder too.

[Jersey Shortie]

Well of course it does. I mean, women want to to feel pretty and sexy. Especially from their partner. But if their partner is all about every kind of woman other then his SO, well it is almost like he rather make other women feel beautiful and sexy then his own SO by giving those women his attention.

[SincereOnlineGuy]

 

The male partner has already made the first step in causing his partner to distance herself from him when he decides to go to a strip club to begin with.

 

 

 

Common sense applies...

 

 

... apparently not in your case.

 

 

So now the male caused his partner to distance herself from him??? He did no such thing. It was her choice, and done entirely by choice too.

 

 

That is as stupid as would be a small-busted woman concluding that her male lover only likes large breasts merely from the fact that he happened to glance at a woman who happened to have large breasts. By your logic, his glance at such a creature "caused" her conclusion, when in reality it was entirely independent of him.

[MadDriver]

... what do you fellows think when you come home from a strip club and see your GF/Wife?

 

When I'm in a relationship, I don't go to strip clubs. Desire is just not there. Why go out when I've got something just as good (if not better) at home, just for me. Not to brag, but maybe I've just been luckier than most men by having had some pretty hot gf's.

 

When I'm single though, I'm always at the strip clubs, VIP section.

[SoulSearch_CO]

He may be fantasizing about them when he's in bed with you, but I don't think that's any different if you were fantasizing about, say, Brad Pitt or (insert choice of hunk here). But the thing is that he's expressing his love to you.

This made me throw up in my mouth a little. I've NEVER fantasized about a different guy while getting it on with someone. I might fantasize if I'm alone, but never, never, never when I'm focusing my attention and so-called "love" on my man. That's disgusting. And I'd rather just never know if a man I'm with does this. Seriously...gag reflex.

[Jersey Shortie]

So now the male caused his partner to distance herself from him??? He did no such thing. It was her choice, and done entirely by choice too.

 

 

That is as stupid as would be a small-busted woman concluding that her male lover only likes large breasts merely from the fact that he happened to glance at a woman who happened to have large breasts. By your logic, his glance at such a creature "caused" her conclusion, when in reality it was entirely independent of him.

 

No it's not stupid. It's how women think. And unless you have a complete disregard in understanding how women think, I really think you will not understand women very well.

 

I agree that it is her choice to distance herself. But it is also his choice to go to the strip club. And why should a woman with a man she loves feel more connected to someone that is clearly, even if it's for an hour, doing something that is meant to engage him with the sexuality of other women? I mean you seriously that that's going to make a woman in a relationship feel more connected to her partner or even just as connected? We all do things in the relationship that can either have a positive or negative affect on our partner. That's a fact.

 

And yes, if I was with a man that had a perchant for glancing at women with large chests, I would naturally conclude that was what you liked and desired and would wonder what he was doing with me that being the case.

[Jersey Shortie]

When I'm single though, I'm always at the strip clubs, VIP section.

Right now I am imagining all the shoes I could have bought if you gave that money to me instead..and I probably would have been more sincere in my graditude.

[Vet]

Personally I find the idea of paying for sexual gratification unappealing, so I guess I can't really answer the question posed by the original poster. The one time I went to a strip club was with a girlfriend, and while we got a lot of attention from the dancers (amazingly enough, they really love it when you talk to them), it was not sexy in any way--men openly degrading them, women telling us about having to put their kids in daycare while they danced, the artificiality of it all (not just talking about their breasts here). It seems like most of the women do not enjoy the actual work at all, so it's difficult to get excited about strip clubs.

 

It was an interesting social experience though; more than once during the few hours we were there, men would come up to the stage and the dancers would gyrate on the floor below them while they dropped singles all over them, one at a time.

 

We probably ended up having sex later that night, but it wasn't because either of us were turned on from the visit.

[Sam Spade]

Actually, he's not necessarily even thinking about the strippers while with you (could be, but not necessarily). I personally like both the clubs and all the internet stuff to get worked up, but at the end of the day I have no motivation to imagine other women when wiht my gf.

[chrissylee]

There's an old saying: "Doesn't matter where you get your appetite, as long as you eat at home."

 

He may be fantasizing about them when he's in bed with you, but I don't think that's any different if you were fantasizing about, say, Brad Pitt or (insert choice of hunk here). But the thing is that he's expressing his love to you.

 

 

 

I do not agree with you at all. If my man is pretending I am someone else while we have sex he is not expressing love for me. He is using me as a way to get off while thinking about other women.

 

It does matter to me where he gets his appetite. If he is turned on by someone other then me then he can take care of it by himself. When we have sex I want to be the person he is turned on by and thinking about.

[borbiusle]

Speaking from experience, whenever I came home from a strip club and had sex with my GF, I never imagined her as someone else. In my case, there was a big lack of foreplay/sexual enticement from my GF and the strip club made up for it.