New_life Posted July 6, 2009 Posted July 6, 2009 Hi, please bare with me... Sorry if its long, I appreciate any comments I broke off with my gf cause things seemed to be getting low. However I expected this to be for her a wake up call, since she had done it to me when I was getting cold. Its been 3 months now, we maintained contact, however she always said she was busy, etc. I found out she started dating someone, however they had a complication and broke it off, she does seem a bit touched by that break up. I told her that I wanted NC because I wanted her back and noticed that no way she would be back with me especially since she had fallen for her new bf. We had a week of NC, and she told me she wanted to be friends. I told her that not right now, and not even be dating since I was hurt she date and fallen for someone else. She replied: wow you forgot about your feelings to me so quickly? That’s a shock; I did think eventually we would be back together. Anyway, the whole NC is killing me. Although I hear her talking and she has turned in this disgusting cold person that I would have never fallen for, however my heart hopes she can change to the way she was. She also treats me like ****, and that helps me just hate her more. I know not to contact her, but I keep thinking she wanted to be friends, what if in the future we get back, etc? But I can’t be friends cause her and her new bf are back and the image of her doing everything we did kills me. I mean, I would have gave my life for her back then. Now I just want to see her fall and live a sucky life without me. I have read her that NC is best going out with friends, however I’m in a new city and don’t have any. So she was everything, and I fell like trash. I mean she trashed me after 4 years, when she calls me it’s always like I have to go eat, I’m busy just called to tell you I need my book, etc. She is sooo cold and so horrible to me, I feel like I’m begging always and looking like a whiner. However I am better than weeks before. Anyone going through this?? I see people saying they’re in for 9 months! I can’t survive that! I know it’s not love, it’s possession for someone that I cared about and I know hate to see her happy with others except without me!!
Peanut9330 Posted July 6, 2009 Posted July 6, 2009 The pain and hatred your feeling are quite normal most everyone goes through these kind of emotions after a break up. You need to focus on yourself and what is best for you.. In this case I think that it would be better for you to just move on becasue your hurting yourself. I understand that its hard but in time it will get better you just have to be strong and optimistic of what is ahead. Its hard for me to judge becasue I dont understand the feelings you have for her only you know that but it sounds like if you do get back with her it wont work becasue of the thought of the other guy so your gonna end up resenting her for it. I know its quite easy to forgive someone but the question is will you be able to forget and move on if you guys do end up being togehter. Think about that before you go and try to be with her again and also ask her what is it that she wants from you, does she want to be friends or your GF again, and maybe then once you both discuss what you want from each other you can work on being friends or together again.
Author New_life Posted July 6, 2009 Author Posted July 6, 2009 thank you for the comment Peanut, Everyone here seems like a success story on NC, how to not fail. I mean its like I like the pain, everytime she or I contact it burns cause she treats me bad, saying Im working it out with my bf, and im trying to sound mature but cant help asking so your choosing him then?? and she answers: i have to go, or mmm again with this, or this is different, etc.... Anyone out there in NC problems???
hrtbrk hotel tenant Posted July 6, 2009 Posted July 6, 2009 first of all smack urself and come to grips if u dont want her back then leave her alone dont just want her so she wont be with someone else das stupid god....u admit das being possessive. also u cant break up everytime shyt get "cold" light the spark in the relationship both of u communicate with one another and see what the problem is.....
Peanut9330 Posted July 6, 2009 Posted July 6, 2009 I totally understand how you feel because my boyfriend of 3 years cheated on me and I fought really hard to get him back and went through the whole your choosing her over me and I was hurting and this was a month ago. He told me he wants to be with me and he made a mistake but I'm not starting to realize that even though I love him I dont think I can be with him, things will never be the same and I'm starting to feel better about myself and everything else, with time everything gets better and it seems like she is choosing him over you and in that case you should try to move on, you cant force a person to be with you no matter what u do, I'm very sorry and I know it hurts but beleive me when I say it does get better with time.
Exit Posted July 7, 2009 Posted July 7, 2009 It is normal to feel a bizarre criss-cross of emotions. I've come to realize how many ways my ex let me down, she didn't communicate with me, she just let the relationship fail, and many other things that point to us maybe NOT belonging together, but at the same time the yearning continues.
Author New_life Posted July 7, 2009 Author Posted July 7, 2009 hrtbrk Im well aware that I have to snap myself out of this, I mean I was always so very much with a shield in love, and never got heartbroken. Now my world crumbled. I did break it off, since I got mad seeing her lying to me and never going out with me. She did tell me that she still loves me, but doesn't know what is going on with her. peanut, thanks for sharing that. I mean its crazy, they hurt us and we have to end up going after them, when it should be the other way. Here is an update: after 1.5 weeks of NC, she contacts me asking how Im doing. I didnt answer the text, but sent a FB inbox message saying to please not contact me, that i had given up and that if she thought a future was insight i would doubt it since we had hurt so much. She called me after she read it, telling me she was confused and just couldnt give me an answer, that I was giving up and didnt give her a chance to say anything. I told her if she felt a shred of what i felt we wouldn't be saying goodbye. And of course she popped another excuse for not saying anything: she was on her days and was confused, etc etc... She told me to give her time...... She ALWAYS says that (only to see her partying with friends and her new ex that seems to be getting back together) Any recommendations, I know I have to move on, but anything that has worked for you to stop thinking about them???
Peanut9330 Posted July 7, 2009 Posted July 7, 2009 What your feeling wont go away over night because you really cared about her, I had a very hard time because everything reminded me of my ex but once it hit me that he was the one that betrayed me and kept on walking all over me I decided it has to stop and with time its getting much better, I heard the "i'm confused" excusse too and its not fair to you like it wasent fair to me. You just have to be strong and go out and meet some friends and in time those feelings will pass. Dont loose your self confidence or self respect becasue by taking her back your just showing her that she can do whatever she wants becasue no matter what you'll always be there. Like I said go out and make some new friends and keep yourself busy that way you wont have too much free time to dwell on the situation, and beleive me in time it gets much better I started to feel better after about 3 weeks, I'm not hurting and I stopped associating everything with him so just trust me time heals everything. In the meantime just keep yourself busy.... hope you start to feel better soon!
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