CarrotJuice Posted July 6, 2009 Posted July 6, 2009 Hi all. I had been dating this guy for almost 1.75 years. We were living together. Things got difficult because of financial situations, and we decided to take a break. We were "officially" broken up, but still living together until our lease ended. Even though things were "official", we still ended up fooling around once, and a couple times having sex with each other. I didn't want things to be over, and it seemed like he didn't either. When talking, we figured that we could maintain a relationship once we moved out. We just couldn't handle living together right now because we were arguing about financial matters too much. Well, about 3 weeks after we "officially" ended things, we had sex. And right after, he asks me if I'd be mad if he started to kind of like someone. I start crying, ask him who it is, etc etc. He tells me. He says he's only talked to her about three times before. I ask him why we've been doing sexual things if he thinks he likes someone else. I tell him it seems like he's rebounding (since the girl he picked has the same interests as me, same body type, similar face and same freckly skin.) He, I guess, lies and says he didn't really want to pursue anything because he doesn't know her well enough. So the next morning we end up cuddling and we have sex. I am remembering him telling me he didn't want to pursue things with her, so I feel okay. But then he asks me if he can invite her over when I go out that day. I freak out, tell him no. I go out, come home that night. He's gone. Next day, I go out, come back, he's there. Tells me he went to see her, they smoked and drank and he ended up having sex with her. He feels really bad, cries, says it was a mistake, he was so anxious, couldn't stop thinking about me. Says he shouldn't have taken me for granted, etc etc. I don't know what to think. It's been about two months since then now. We've decided to try again. I really want things to work out between us - he is trying very hard. He wants things to work too. But I cannot let go of this incident....I want to forgive him, but I cannot. I just think about it at random times and become depressed...What do you think?
Exit Posted July 6, 2009 Posted July 6, 2009 I think he is full of it. A lot of guys act like that when they cheat (well you were "broken up", but still). They go out, get what they want with the other woman, and then suddenly they collapse under the guilt and act sorry. Don't fall for it. He intended to do what he did. It wasn't just a random mistake. The fact that you are already "trying again" is a bit scary. How easy did you make it for him to get you back? Now he knows he can walk all over you. You say you want to forgive him, but forgiveness is something that needs to be earned. Has he DONE anything to show that he's sorry, aside from breaking down like a wimp because he can't handle the choices he made? What is going to stop him the next time he wants to sleep with someone else? There is such a thing as too much trust and forgiveness. Maybe he really deserves a chance, or maybe you are allowing him slack just because of how much you want to be with him. It's a fine line you're walking. Do not make it too easy for him.
TaraMaiden Posted July 6, 2009 Posted July 6, 2009 Hi all. I had been dating this guy for almost 1.75 years. We were living together. Things got difficult because of financial situations, and we decided to take a break. We were "officially" broken up, but still living together until our lease ended. Even though things were "official", we still ended up fooling around once, and a couple times having sex with each other. I didn't want things to be over, and it seemed like he didn't either. When talking, we figured that we could maintain a relationship once we moved out. We just couldn't handle living together right now because we were arguing about financial matters too much. Well, about 3 weeks after we "officially" ended things, we had sex. And right after, he asks me if I'd be mad if he started to kind of like someone. I start crying, ask him who it is, etc etc. He tells me. He says he's only talked to her about three times before. I ask him why we've been doing sexual things if he thinks he likes someone else. I tell him it seems like he's rebounding (since the girl he picked has the same interests as me, same body type, similar face and same freckly skin.) He, I guess, lies and says he didn't really want to pursue anything because he doesn't know her well enough. So the next morning we end up cuddling and we have sex. I am remembering him telling me he didn't want to pursue things with her, so I feel okay. But then he asks me if he can invite her over when I go out that day. I freak out, tell him no. I go out, come home that night. He's gone. Next day, I go out, come back, he's there. Tells me he went to see her, they smoked and drank and he ended up having sex with her. He feels really bad, cries, says it was a mistake, he was so anxious, couldn't stop thinking about me. Says he shouldn't have taken me for granted, etc etc. I don't know what to think. It's been about two months since then now. We've decided to try again. I really want things to work out between us - he is trying very hard. He wants things to work too. But I cannot let go of this incident....I want to forgive him, but I cannot. I just think about it at random times and become depressed...What do you think? I'm sorry - really, I am - but -have you any idea how insane this sounds? In a nutshell. he can crap on you from a great height, and he knows he can keep doing it because you let him. Sex isn't everything. Take the sex away. Take it right out of the equation. Pretend like it never happens. So what else about him makes you think it's ok for you to be treated as nothing more than a di*ck receptacle, as and when he feels like getting some from you? (Because of course, he's getting it from someone else too.... yeah?)
fani Posted July 6, 2009 Posted July 6, 2009 I know I will probably get slated for saying this, but I like that you too are trying again. What you have to see is YOU WERE BROKEN UP when he slept with her. If you had stopped living together straight away then the two of you most likely wouldn't have had sex, because the temptation wouldn't have been there, and you possibly would have not known about this girl. I think, and I may be wrong, that because he asked you if she could come over, and you said no, it made him want to see her more, I think regardless of whether he liked her or not, it's the whole "forbidden fruit" type thing, as soon as you said no, he thought it must mean it would be good (for him) I am not saying in anyway that this is how all men think, but it is a possibility. You have a few options, I think the main ones are either to try and forget about this, just forget about what has happened and hope you can move on, or talk to him, tell him exactly how you are feeling, that you are wanting to forgive him (or not) and need his help, his explanation, anything that wil help you get over this and get your relationship back on track.
JenniferxO Posted July 6, 2009 Posted July 6, 2009 Hey CarrotJuice.. I have been through something VERY similiar. You and the boyfriend break up, and he strays.. not sure why they do it, but I wish I knew. However, the first time it happened to me, I took him back. Worked on things for a little bit, then ended up back at square one. Things weren't working anymore, we broke up, and again.. he tries to move on fairly quickly. 4 times so far... It hurts worse every time. But then again, I began giving it right back to him.(not implying you should do so) If They walk all over you once, they will again. Not only do they not respect you, or lose respect quickly, but you begin to lose respect for yourself. I've done so much thinking, and so much over analyzing.. and it's not worth it. They're not worth it. I wish I left that first time, and never looked back. It's so much harder now. I think this is a tough decision you will have to make, and whatever one it is.. Remember, keep your pride, and your happiness.
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