DMadd Posted July 6, 2009 Posted July 6, 2009 Hello, This is my first post on here ever and just feel like I need some perspective from uninvolved parties. So I have been dating this girl and we are coming up on 7 months now. Im 26 and she is 25 years old. Things were fantastic for the first few months and she shared with me early on about her previous boyfriend who she had a three year relationship with but unfortunately, got cancer and died last July '08. (She also lost her father in a car accident when she was 17.) So its coming up on the 1 year anniversary now..And she fought all the way through it with him, staying with him in the hospital all the time. She was of course very nervous to tell me about it because of how I might react. Well, I mean I understood and I wasn't worried about being a "rebound" persay because she had told me that she tried dating just a bit before me but that it didn't feel right at all and she wasn't ready for it yet. When we met and started dating she said that everything just felt right and that I was like the greatest guy and I was so understanding and she really appreciated being able to talk about it with me. I truly do understand and realized that was a horrible thing that I hated that she ever had to go through.. Well everything was great and we probably got pretty serious pretty fast. It was around two months of dating we told each other that we were in love with each other.. and maybe a little later like maybe a month just kind of playful talk of being the ones for each other and could see being married one day.. Well things still were good for the next few months.. but right around a month ago, about a week before our 6 month anniversary.. she got really down, and we were talking one night and she just broke down and started crying... Well she is really stressed with working and graduate school at the same time but then she also went into how she just really misses her boyfriend who died and became really really sad about it all. She said she was sorry to talk to me about it and knows how it must make me feel... but believe it or not I still understood. Well it lasted for probably two weeks at least and in that time we had a long talk one night, after I told her I really wanted her to open up to me so I could help understand what she was going through, where she just told me everythign and how she is still sad.. and feels guilty about thinking about him alot while we are dating and that its not fair to me, and that she never actually broke up with him so she doesnt know how to feel about that either.. she thinks she is messed up right now and realizes maybe she isn't ready to move on yet and doesn't want to put me through that... I kind of feel like she was giving me the chance to leave that night but I told her that while I cant say I understand what she is going through because I havent dealt with that but that I could understand that it must be something horrible that I realize could leave a scar that takes a really long time to heal. So I told her that she was worth sticking around for and she couldn't see how I was so good to her when she is so emotional these days... I told her it was simple and that I loved her.. Well, she just felt so much pressure to be a good girlfriend that we kind of agreed to, rather than break up or stay the same, to just kind of cool down for a bit and still see each other just MUCH less often.. Well, we had my best friend's wedding the next weekend that she still agreed to go with me to but we hadn't seen each other for several days only exchanged messeges briefly and that night before the wedding after the rehearsal dinner we talked again and she said she was so sorry for putting me through all this.. but also that she did miss me and had been thinking of me and wanted to invite me over the other night but fought hard not to just to help... she said she still wanted to make sure though that she truly missed me and wasn't just being lonely which I told her was an honestly fair question to ask herself, and fair to me to ask herself that.. Well the next day was the wedding and we eventually got to the reception and had a great time dancing and drinking and such and this wedding was also finally the chance for her to meet all of my close friends because distance and jobs had not allowed it to happen to this point. But it was a great night and we both had a great time.. Well we talked again the next night, sunday, and just wanted to talk about how while we still had a great time and realize we do really have strong feelings for one another that we still need to keep the cooled down relationship for a while, which just meant from seeing each other all the time to seeing each other maybe once to twice a week. We are in our second week of that now.. we had dinner together one night the first week of it after the wedding and it was really good and we had a good time as well.. kinding saying that we arent even on a break at all because we really have still talked every day by phone or texting its just that we are kicking back a few notches on how serious we are right now because it takes alot of pressure off both of us right now. but we are still exclusively dating each other.. And throughout all of this she has always said that it has nothing to do with me or us as a couple and its all her and what she is going through right now.. So finally, wow that was a long setup huh?... I guess my question is how do I help her through all of this? it seems like some distance is what will help best but it scares me to think I might lose her and that I feel like a bad boyfriend not being able to be there and help her through her hurting.. Does it sound like we will be alright in the end? Or does it sound like she is maybe really having second thoughts about how she really feels about me and may be losing her interest in me? Do I just need to stick strong and give her her space and trust her when she says its not about us and just enjoy when we do spend time together as little as that may be lately? I just wanna do whats best for her. She is worth it... Advice appreciated..
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