audrey143 Posted July 6, 2009 Posted July 6, 2009 My boyfriend and I have been dating for almost a year and he recently took a trip to england to visit his host family he lived with all of last year with an exchange program. I have always been faithful and I know he is the only person I want to be with. A few nights ago I got a text from a guy i used to like and he wanted to meet up. I have no intentions of hooking up with him and have no desire to, so I obviously told him that I have a boyfriend and that wouldnt be a good idea. At the time, I was a little bit drunk and stupidly flirted with him via text. I just said things like 'i havent seen you in forever' and 'i used to have the biggest crushon you' and 'we should meet up during the fireworks'. I didnt meet him at the fireworks and even if I did I wouldnt have done anything as far as kissing/hooking up. I just have been feeling really lonely without my boyfriend because we can only talk once a day and only for a few minutes. I feel really guilty about it and i dont know if I should tell him or not. He means everything to me and I want the trust in our relationship to go both ways. HELP!!
whichwayisup Posted July 6, 2009 Posted July 6, 2009 Only thing you are guilty of is telling this guy that you used to have a big crush on him and giving him mixed signals. Telling him you have a boyfriend, and then openly flirt with him.. Anyway, don't see or talk to this guy anymore, focus on your boyfriend. I get that you're lonely and miss your boyfriend, but don't go looking for attention from other guys. Be with your girl friends, your family and stuff to keep busy and have fun with them, you won't get into trouble that way!
carhill Posted July 6, 2009 Posted July 6, 2009 Easiest way to tell would be for your BF to read the text exchange. I'm familiar with 'liquid courage' and, if you recounted the exchange accurately, I wouldn't give it a second thought as I would trust you to do the right thing in all situations and keep our R the priority. Do you think you did that? I tend to think so and am glad you tested that boundary. You learned something about yourself
Author audrey143 Posted July 6, 2009 Author Posted July 6, 2009 I really do have no intentions of even texting him anymore. He texted me seeing what I was doing tonight and I was very short with him and made things up. It makes me feel really bad for him as well as my boyfriend, which in turn makes me feel bad about myself. Do you think I should tell my boyfriend? We really tell eachother everything and Im really bad at lying.
sugarmomma Posted July 6, 2009 Posted July 6, 2009 I wouldn't tell him. Just stay away from the guy and stop flirting with people if you want to keep a clean street with your bf. You didn't do anything and if you tell him he will just start to question your loyalty to him. Keep your mouth shut.
whichwayisup Posted July 6, 2009 Posted July 6, 2009 I agree with Sugar. That and STOP feeling bad for this other guy. You don't owe him anything.
Author audrey143 Posted July 6, 2009 Author Posted July 6, 2009 Having him so far away just got to me. Even though I know it isn't true, it seems like since we aren't talking as much it means he isn't thinking about me as much. I know this isn't true its just hard going from being with your love 24/7 to barely talking everyday. Thanks for all the support everyone! This site is really cool, it helps to get this off my chest.
SoulSearch_CO Posted July 6, 2009 Posted July 6, 2009 Cheating is a betrayal of trust. If you did something that you wouldn't have done in front of you BF (or at least know he wouldn't be okay with it), then I think it's time to 'fess up. I think your feelings of guilt are trying to tell you something. I will say this - it's on a case-by-case basis depending on the relationship. Some relationships wouldn't see this as a problem at all. But you know your BF better than anyone here - what do YOU think?
sugarmomma Posted July 6, 2009 Posted July 6, 2009 Having him so far away just got to me. Even though I know it isn't true, it seems like since we aren't talking as much it means he isn't thinking about me as much. I know this isn't true its just hard going from being with your love 24/7 to barely talking everyday. Thanks for all the support everyone! This site is really cool, it helps to get this off my chest. How long is he going to be gone? If you have his complete trust you don't want to do anything to jeopardize it. Its hard to get back.
Author audrey143 Posted July 6, 2009 Author Posted July 6, 2009 okay so I kinda feel like I should tell him. I know if he did this, I would at least want to know. I don't think its a big enough deal that he would break up with me (I mean its not like we were physical or texting about hooking up), but I just am really scared of his reaction. He is perfect to me and I wouldn't know what to say..
Author audrey143 Posted July 6, 2009 Author Posted July 6, 2009 He has been gone for about 3 weeks and will be back in a few days.
sugarmomma Posted July 6, 2009 Posted July 6, 2009 I would be worried about his reaction too. What if deep down he doesn't believe you? What if he starts to be suspicious and not rust you anymore? If you have his trust you don't want to taint it. Just stop it. I would just not say anything and not do it again.
Author audrey143 Posted July 6, 2009 Author Posted July 6, 2009 p.s. My boyfriend knows that this other guy and me were involved and he kinda makes fun of him to me. I don't know if that changes anything.
wild_cat Posted July 6, 2009 Posted July 6, 2009 This is a tough situation. But, you should tell him. Honesty will always go farther. Tell him you are sorry. And...if drinking gets you to do those kind of things...(hate to say it) but you shouldn't drink. It seems like you had lost control of whats important in your heart. That is one thing no one needs. If you do drink...drink with him. With him you will be less likely to do something like that again. As far as missing him.....you can look at a photo of him when you miss him...and try to find a hobby to keep you occupied. Something you enjoy doing soo much you'll want to do it all the time...wether it be games,croche, playing music, etc. You can also hang with your friends more. It makes distance in a relationship a little easier.
Author audrey143 Posted July 6, 2009 Author Posted July 6, 2009 I would be worried about his reaction too. What if deep down he doesn't believe you? What if he starts to be suspicious and not rust you anymore? If you have his trust you don't want to taint it. Just stop it. I would just not say anything and not do it again. thank you so much! your advice was really helpful!
wild_cat Posted July 6, 2009 Posted July 6, 2009 well...if he makes fun of him...you might want to be careful. He apparently has a little jealousy. Guys only do that when they are jealous of another. Even if it was a while ago.
Author audrey143 Posted July 6, 2009 Author Posted July 6, 2009 This is a tough situation. But, you should tell him. Honesty will always go farther. Tell him you are sorry. And...if drinking gets you to do those kind of things...(hate to say it) but you shouldn't drink. It seems like you had lost control of whats important in your heart. That is one thing no one needs. If you do drink...drink with him. With him you will be less likely to do something like that again. As far as missing him.....you can look at a photo of him when you miss him...and try to find a hobby to keep you occupied. Something you enjoy doing soo much you'll want to do it all the time...wether it be games,croche, playing music, etc. You can also hang with your friends more. It makes distance in a relationship a little easier. so what do you think I should say to him? Im really scared of hurting him!
sugarmomma Posted July 6, 2009 Posted July 6, 2009 so what do you think I should say to him? Im really scared of hurting him! Telling him will hurt him. You didn't do anything except a little flirting. I could see if you kissed the guy or something. Don't be so hard on yourself. You're not perfect and neither is he.
Olylama Posted July 7, 2009 Posted July 7, 2009 p.s. My boyfriend knows that this other guy and me were involved and he kinda makes fun of him to me. I don't know if that changes anything. Yes it does. I recommend don't say anything to him. Learn by all this. If you want him be faithful. But hide your texts delete them now. If your going to lie do it properly. He might see it in your eyes though.
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