Sounobvious Posted July 6, 2009 Posted July 6, 2009 I dont know why i do it. I have a boyfriend but yet I’m constantly leading other guys on. I like them, I wonder sometimes that maybe I could be happier with them and find things in them that my boyfriend doesn’t have. Today I made a list of all the pro’s and cons about being with my boyfriend. Turns out, the cons list was much longer and it was much easier to come up with things to put on it. Unfortunately, on the pro’s list i wrote down that im in love with him...but sometimes i think it would be easier if i didn’t. I have loved this guy pretty much since I’ve met him which was 5 years ago in highschool, we dated for 7 months, broke up for 4 months, and now we’ve been back together for the last 3 years. Being with him just feels so natural, so comfortable, i still feel happy when i kiss him and just cuddle with him. However, we don’t have much in common. We both like animals, some of the same movies and a couple of other things maybe. We differ because I like to go out, socialize, meet new people, im active, adventurous, and i’d say he’s pretty much the opposite...he’s lazy, subborn, antisocial, and doesn’t find the things that i like to do fun. Sometimes I just get so frustrated when I want to do something and he just says no all the time. So many nights we just lie on the couch and do nothing and it’s fine once in a while but he seems to want to do it like most of the time and i get bored... There’s this guy i just met about 2 weeks ago. He’s my sister’s boyfriends bestfriend. I liked him right away and i don’t know, i just couldn’t help flirting. He seems like a really fun guy, fun in the way my boyfriend isn’t. I told him I have a boyfriend, but he still seemed to want to talk to me anyway. I’d say I’ve talked to him everyday for the last week. Last night i saw him again at the bar...and we danced a bit...and he kept like grabbing my hands and smiling at me...i told him my boyfriend would hate me right now and he said, “well, where is your boyfriend? Maybe he should be here.” And honestly, I wish he would be..he just wont come. Anyway, I felt pretty guilty about it...and still do since I can’t seem to stop talking to him. I’ve lead another guy on before though a couple months back... I just get these big gigantic crushes that I can’t make go away. I start thinking about them all the time..I know I probably seem like such a horrible person, actually i know I am. It’s just so hard to be in a relationship where sometimes you are so happy and then other times you totally don’t know why you are still with this person. I have been going over everything in my head for the last 3 days and really considering breaking up with him...and then i saw him tonight, decided i loved him way too much and now here i am writing on this site feeling very stuck again. If i could make a decision using only my head, and not feel at all i would have probably broken up with im already...i just feel so strongly and know it would probably be the most pain that i have ever experienced in my life. I need some advice if there is anyone out there who can give some to me....
whichwayisup Posted July 6, 2009 Posted July 6, 2009 You have either a major insecurity issue that runs deep and you feel the need to be desired and have attention from other guys or you truly do not love your boyfriend and are enjoying an ego feed by leading guys on. Or, you're just plain addicted to the crush like and intense feelings that happen during every new relationship. Either way, what you're doing to your boyfriend is NOT fair. Either focus on him and make your relationship better or break up with him so can find someone else who will love only him. DO NOT STAY with him because he's comfortable and safe, and all that you know. Sometimes people grow apart or out grow eachother and don't know when to say goodbye. Sounds like it's time to say goodbye to him.
sugarmomma Posted July 6, 2009 Posted July 6, 2009 I think you're young and not in love or really compatible with your bf. You just like kissing and cuddling with him and that is a very small part of being in love with someone. You and the BF don't seem to have anything in common which will lead you to seek other attributes that he doesn't have from other men. I would suggest that you not be committed to anyone right now. You are too young and the BF has just become familiar and that is not a reason to stay with someone. I did it when I was your age and wished that I hadn't. Break up with him and find someone that you are compatible with that has the same values, goal and interests that you share. And do it before you cheat on your BF.
Author Sounobvious Posted July 6, 2009 Author Posted July 6, 2009 i... just want to be happy really. I can say i like how the attention feels but i dont really think that is why i do it. I just am very curious to know if there is someone out there who is more like me...who will enjoy doing things that i do...so maybe that doesn't have to be something always causing a fight. He's my first serious relationship...my first love really. I'm only 20...and have only really experienced dating one person...so how do i know if he is the right one? I know he doesn't deserve what i've been doing... i know i would probably be so hurt if he did it to me...and I know i should break up with him because this isn't fair at all. I just, don't want to make the wrong decision, he says if i ever broke up with him...it would be too hard and he would probabaly never talk to me again..which makes leaving him so much harder because if its the wrong decision, then he's gone forever i guess.
sugarmomma Posted July 6, 2009 Posted July 6, 2009 Personally, I don't think this guy would make you happy long term. Don't let him guilt you into staying with him either. If you break up be prepared to have him out of your life. He wasn't born with you. If I could be 20 again, I wouldn't seriously consider committing to anyone until I was at least 28. You are young and should be having different experiences with dating and finding out what you want a need from a r. Clearly your needs are not being met or you would not be seeking attention or so open to it from other men. I was like that before and it was because the partner at the time was not truly what I wanted in a mate. You have to take a risk for your happiness. I would gently break up with this guy and start to live and find out what's out there. You seem like a great girl. Just comfortable with what you have but that is not always good. You will look up 5 years from now and regret staying. Trust me.
Author Sounobvious Posted July 6, 2009 Author Posted July 6, 2009 Thankyou, it helps to hear an opinion from someone who has experienced all of this already. That's actually what a lot of people keep telling me to do...im too young to be in a serious relationship and I agree really, I just am not ready to deal with how much this is going to hurt. I guess it's like surgery, it hurts to go through with it, but in the end...it just has to be done?
sugarmomma Posted July 6, 2009 Posted July 6, 2009 No pain no gain. You only live once. He knows that you guys don't have a lot in common but men can stay in r for a long time and be unhappy. They sometimes just need a warm body to touch. I hate to say it but it is true. I stayed with the first man I was with 8 years at the age of 24. I don't regret it at all because I have met some great guys and I have gained a lot of experience. Got married and divorced but I don't regret that either. I refuse to settle for someone that doesn't meet 80% of what I want from a relationship. I would suggest that you make a list of all the qualities you want in a mate and start becoming that person. Your chances of attracting that person are greater if you aren't stuck with someone that has threatened to never speak to you again if you leave him. So immature. He should want you to be happy.
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