ms.stressed Posted July 6, 2009 Posted July 6, 2009 Okay folks. Here is a brief run down of my relationship. I've been with this guy for 4 years. He was my first everything. I love him, I see us married with 2.5 children and a picket fence. Here's the thing. Our relationship is a roller coaster. He cheated in less than a year of dating. I took him back. Then he proposed after 2 years of dating (no ring) and I had to call it off because he chose his friends over me nor did he seem interested in ring shopping or planning. Eventually I moved out, but later got back with him. Then I found out he was cheating again. I took him back still. Less than a year later he moved in with me and my sister and I discovered that he was carrying on long distant flirtations with his best friend. Basically, for each year we've been together he's cheated. I love him. I don't know if he loves me and I keep telling myself that he's a good guy. He's very sweet. But the best friend was the breaking point. He moved out but I took him back. Now I'm wondering if this was the right thing. He doesn't call. He doesn't try to see me. He still puts his friends first (if I call, he'll say he'll call me back because he's doing something with them or talking to them). I mean, how many times must a dude cheat? How does a guy who loves you act when he ****ed up? His family loves me. They tell him he'd be a fool not to marry me. If he loves me like he says he does why isn't he acting like it or is this how guys in love act? I don't really know. I've never seen how a man should love a woman (I grew up with a single mom). I love him but does he love me?
carhill Posted July 6, 2009 Posted July 6, 2009 Men who are mature, stable and in love do not act like your BF. Take your pick of which (it doesn't have to be just one) adjective does not describe him. I'm sure his family does love you. I'm sorry you didn't have a positive male role model in your life. I think of the daughter I always wanted and was never able to have when I give you the following advice: Love yourself first. Respect yourself first. Share yourself with someone who loves and respects you within your boundaries. I think you know what those are. It's time to start believing in them, and you. Today....
Lyssa Posted July 6, 2009 Posted July 6, 2009 He has cheated on you time and again. You took him back twice, am I right? He's putting his friends above you. He's cheating on you with his best friend. Everything is just wrong. This is a relationship you have to get out of. I'm sorry you have him as a BF. You deserve someone better.
whichwayisup Posted July 6, 2009 Posted July 6, 2009 Actions speak louder than words and this guy isn't showing you the love you deserve. He isn't ready to commit to you and he certainly sounds immature. Trust me, first loves are great, but most aren't long term marriage material.
sugarmomma Posted July 6, 2009 Posted July 6, 2009 He is sooooo not the ONE. He knows that he can cheat and you will keep taking him back. Hope he doesn't bring you a horrible disease before you open your eyes to reality. He doesn't love you and you don't love him because you don't love yourself. When we love ourselves we don't allow people to walk all over us and treat us like sh*t. Please let him go and start working on self esteem/love/respect.
Author ms.stressed Posted July 6, 2009 Author Posted July 6, 2009 I must say that you guys are totally right. So called him and of course no answer. But I left a voice message for him. He always say 'I love you, I just do dumb stuff.' So I told him via voicemail that he must be an emotional retard in need of remedial classes. The ability to love someone is easy if you truly love them. I then said that he needed an epiphany and after 4 years of trying it surely can not be me and I hope he finds it with someone else (my voicemail was long but this was years of pent up feeling). I haven't called him. I directed his calls to voicemail and removed his number from my phone. I'm crying because I feel stupid and used. I thought that I was so different from my mom. I thought he loved and just didn't know how. Thank you guys for making me see what I was blinding myself too. P.s. he's left 2 messages and called my job. I told them to tell him I was busy. Keep me in your prayers.
lostnlov Posted July 6, 2009 Posted July 6, 2009 I've been in a relationship like this. I know what its like to go through the motions with someone less than willing. You deserve someone who treats you like a princess, and someone who calls you at 3 in the morning just to say he was dreaming about you and that he loves you. You deserve a MAN who knows that he doesn't deserve you, and will treat you with the utmost respect just so he can hold onto you longer. What you have right now is a boy, it doesn't matter what his age is, he is a BOY. Good job making him come crawling back, but this time don't take him back. take some time to figure out who you are now, and what you want from life. you deserve something bigger, better, and greater than what he was giving you. don't settle in life, it only hurts you. good luck on the rest of your life, and i wish you the best in your future relationships.
Author ms.stressed Posted July 7, 2009 Author Posted July 7, 2009 Thank you. I am really hurting right now. Like I said he was my first everything. I'm just really doing a lot of self evaluation.
LostLamb Posted July 7, 2009 Posted July 7, 2009 Thank you. I am really hurting right now. Like I said he was my first everything. I'm just really doing a lot of self evaluation. I'm sorry you hurting so much now , I split up with the first man I was serious about back in December so know how you feel. If you are feeling weak just imagine what married life would have been like with him , it won't be easy at first but you can do better than dating a cheater who treats you like crap. Good luck and stay strong.
sugarmomma Posted July 8, 2009 Posted July 8, 2009 Thank you. I am really hurting right now. Like I said he was my first everything. I'm just really doing a lot of self evaluation. http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/red-flag-relationships-and-behaviour-for-drama-seekers/
torranceshipman Posted July 9, 2009 Posted July 9, 2009 Wow Ms Stressed, good for you - that was an awesome self respecting act on your part...stay firm in that decision and never take him back. You've yet to meet the amazing guy who you'll end up being very happy with.
Quest Posted July 10, 2009 Posted July 10, 2009 Ms Stressed - you are doing brilliantly. Stay strong and you'll stop this kind of relationship turning into a pattern in your life As other posters have said, it's all about self respect and expecting proper treatment from the man in your life. I've failed at this consistently but am trying to learn - you have the chance to learn much earlier in life and save your self a lot of heartache in the long run.
boogieboy Posted July 12, 2009 Posted July 12, 2009 I congradulate you Ms Stressed, you are really strong being able to cut him out like that. Looks to me like you were thinking about this all along, and you just needed the right words to make it so. You are on the fast track to healing and finding someone who will treat you the way you need to be treated.
love2dance Posted July 12, 2009 Posted July 12, 2009 Congrats! Glad to hear that you dropped such a looser. You deserve a lot more that that.
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