t0ri Posted July 6, 2009 Posted July 6, 2009 I seriously want to go off on my ex some days for the cruel way he treated me. I never ever would (NC), but have any of you?
Excellent Posted July 6, 2009 Posted July 6, 2009 I have had a couple of talks with my ex about the relationship we had after the break, and i said directly to her that i did not deserve the way she treated me right before and after the breakup. The best thing i got out of her was that she would admit that she behaved like, and i quote, "somewhat like an idiot". She has never apologized, nor directly agreed that she did treat me wrong. For me, that's not good enough, but it is for her it seems. I think she can't see it the way i do, and it is frustrating to know that. But, it's been a few months since i realized that she probably never will see it. All i comfort myself with, is that in the end, karma will backfire on her, eventually she has to bump into someone who won't tolerate her behavior. So, i don't see the point in going ballistic on her, even though it has been really, really tempting sometimes.. She, and probably your ex too, just don't see it like we do. And sadly, there isn't much we can do about it. Somehow, they feel justified to treat us like crap, even if they know deep down that we did nothing wrong to deserve that. She pretty much kicked my ass emotionally, but i learned my lesson. I will never, ever, tolerate something like that again. The next one to treat me like she did, will have to have a pretty high-class excuse and a good apology ready, or it's out the door in an instant. It still sucks though, i have to admit, losing her wasn't what hurt me the most, it was how she treated me that hurt even more.
moo Posted July 6, 2009 Posted July 6, 2009 I cried to my ex over and over again because of the way he treated me...There was no apology and there never will be. One time I got very verbally abusive, but then apologized...not for him, but for me. If I ever come across so much cruelty again, I want to keep my dignitiy in tact. My ex thinks it's okay to treat people like dirt because I think he feels he's entitled. He is very, very selfish. I almost broke NC today. By I don't want to make the mistake my mother did. My mom stayed with my father even though he was never home and didn't seem to care at all about her needs. I want something better for myself, which means I have to stay away, no matter how much it hurts.
Author t0ri Posted July 6, 2009 Author Posted July 6, 2009 It still sucks though, i have to admit, losing her wasn't what hurt me the most, it was how she treated me that hurt even more. I feel the same way! But I guess him being such a complete ass gave me more of an incentive to move on. I know my ex does not see things how I do, but he has to have some sort of conscience and realize he did some unnecessary, selfish, cruel things to me - someone he supposedly loved at one point or another. But, he didn't care about me anymore apparently, so what treatment I got from him didn't matter, right?? There would be no point in going off on him, I agree, but I would have some choice words with him if there were. And ya, I definitely learned my lesson as well. I'll never put up with any BS ever again.
moo Posted July 6, 2009 Posted July 6, 2009 It still sucks though, i have to admit, losing her wasn't what hurt me the most, it was how she treated me that hurt even more. Yes, when I think about how he treated me..yes it adds a great deal to the pain.
Excellent Posted July 6, 2009 Posted July 6, 2009 There would be no point in going off on him, I agree, but I would have some choice words with him if there were. . Oh yes, i too know exactly what to say if she decides to yank me the wrong way again. It has been times where i would hope that she just would say that "one" word wich would set me off, but i have managed to stay away then. It's not easy tho, as we work together, and have to see and interact with eachother every day.
sugarmomma Posted July 6, 2009 Posted July 6, 2009 I did and don't regret it. I got everything off my chest and felt so much better about leaving his azz.
asuman Posted July 6, 2009 Posted July 6, 2009 I seriously want to go off on my ex some days for the cruel way he treated me. I never ever would (NC), but have any of you? The worst ex I ever had, yes I did tell her off and I'm glad I did. She started it though. She was emailing me to get some of her stuff back, and somehow this turned into an argument even though I had been trying to be civil and friendly with her. At one point she then threw some accusations at me and how I'd supposedly treated her unfairly, saying some really nasty and vicious things about me. I completely let loose on her at that point and told her things I'd felt for a long time but had never said to her because they were just too cruel. Mind you, I broke up with her because she cheated on me, 2 months after my dad died, so don't feel sorry for her. I told her: "You think you were my TROPHY girlfriend? If you were supposed to be my trophy you're the worst trophy a guy could ask for. You were by far the worst relationship I've ever had with anyone in my life. The only reason I stayed with you as long as I did was because I was afraid you'd commit suicide if I left. There wasn't one moment in our relationship that I truly felt happy." That was literally the last I ever heard from her. It's been a few years now. I doubt we'll ever talk again. Good riddance.
door-mat Posted July 6, 2009 Posted July 6, 2009 Yes I have, and it was the best thing I ever did. I was in a relationship with this chap for about 4 years, he was very violent towards me and completely in control of me. On the night he became my ex we had a huge falling out, and after I was called several choice names I just came over all funny!!!!! It was like I had been taken over and I punched him, he actually went through the hedge, the police where called but nothing came of it. And I have never looked back. I had no problem with any thing after that, I felt I had taken control of my life back from him and am so glad I done it. Although now with my child (not his child) I always say that violence is not the answer. But I think in this case it was much deserved. I would say do what you have to do!!! If going of on one is going to help you move on then go for it. but if it is not going to change your situation then I wouldnt bother. bottom line is moving on!!! do what you have to, too be able to contine with your life.
gypsi Posted July 6, 2009 Posted July 6, 2009 so what would you all do if your ex was genuinly sorry about treating you like crap from the bottom of your heart apologized a million times and even said that they would go for councelling to get better? Take them back or just say thanks and move on?
now_what Posted July 6, 2009 Posted July 6, 2009 Yes, I have told him off big time through email. It was at a time when he was afraid to speak to me and only emailed for over four months. When we did finally meet - at the attorneys, I told him he had no idea how horrible it felt to be rejected like he did to me - to just move out while I was at work leaving me and our daughter alone. I told him that it just felt so disrespectful that he would not see me or talk to me after being together over 30 years. He said he was just afraid. I said I hoped he never had to experience that feeling, because it was just terrible. But secretly, I hope his marriage to his dream woman is not a bed of roses and he one day regrets his actions, but at that point I will have moved on and will not care. In our situation, it's not what he did so much as how he did it. He was and still is such a chicken sh**, afraid to take responsibility for his actions, just preferring to hide and ignore things so he doesn't have to experience anything unpleasant.
Soul Bear Posted July 6, 2009 Posted July 6, 2009 you have NO IDEA how much I WOULD LOVE to tell her off, oh man, I have SO MUCH I want to say to her and just how awfull and selfish she is being...but NC and my now pride prevents me from doing so...Im a little jelous of those of you who have managed to tell them off
wow123 Posted July 6, 2009 Posted July 6, 2009 I did! Told her she was selfish and what she did was really ****ty. Thought I would never hear from her again. But, she started calling me a week later. Guess she saw that I do have respect for myself and won't kiss her a** when she treats me poorly.
Ingenue Posted July 7, 2009 Posted July 7, 2009 I did, in some ways. After about 6 months NC, we spoke again. It was then that I frankly told him that his break-up method was cowardly, that how he acted was despicable and that he was a lousy human being for how he treated me. I didn't scream. I didn't yell and I didn't raise my voice. I simply very calmly laid out the situation and his reprehensible behaviour. He claimed that he had no idea that it would affect me in that way and that he felt that the message was more important than the manner in which it was delivered. He offered an apology for it and at the time it seemed sincere. In retrospect, they were just words that lacked any resemblance of remorse. Getting that off my chest was cathartic to some degree. I don't regret it and I think in my ex's situation, better than he learn what a colossal douchebag he was than continue with his behaviour and think himself valiant and heroic.
kizik Posted July 7, 2009 Posted July 7, 2009 I have not told my ex off, or anything like that. Rather the opposite. After she dumped me I emailed her a month later and wished her well. It was a pretty mature email, void of any vitriol, and in retrospect I wish I'd said some things. But I didn't feel any of those things. Yet. We all know that there are several stages to grieving and at that point, I didn't feel the anger yet. The anger that I still feel. Here's what I would say, though, if given the chance (and yes I know, there is a thread for this already, one with over 2,000 posts): R, it's amazing to me how quickly you could cast me out of your life, after having spent three years as a couple and knowing each other for twelve. You behave as if you don't even know me. I understand now that you just don't care. I was nothing but supportive of you, and I loved you. What are you going to do now? J
mr.dream merchant Posted July 7, 2009 Posted July 7, 2009 Sometimes I wish I did, but I'm glad I went out the way I did. I was open, honest, and sincere about my emotions. I wasn't upset with her at all, just disappointed how skewed and one sided her view of our relationship was. I wasn't going to yell at her, or curse her out over it. She was a sucky, self centered, bitchy, whiny, immature, prude and boring GF. If I told her all of that it would've crushed her. And even though she crushed me, I could never do that to her willingly. I'd rather just let it be and walk away with her knowing I really wanted to make it work.
asuman Posted July 7, 2009 Posted July 7, 2009 so what would you all do if your ex was genuinly sorry about treating you like crap from the bottom of your heart apologized a million times and even said that they would go for councelling to get better? Take them back or just say thanks and move on? I would NEVER IN MY LIFE go back to my evil ex. I have had some amicable break-ups. Most of them, to be very honest, I'd at least think about although for the most part we broke up for good reasons. But I'd think about it. The ones who were bad break-ups? I wouldn't go near with a ten foot pole.
kizik Posted July 7, 2009 Posted July 7, 2009 The ones who were bad break-ups? I wouldn't go near with a ten foot pole. Yeah, and my last one, though without screaming matches and blatant cruelty, I would consider a "bad breakup" b/c of the sheer amount of PAIN I felt.
LostLamb Posted July 7, 2009 Posted July 7, 2009 The last time I saw my ex I hugged him. He was collecting stuff and it was in December. Most women would have shouted or sworn at him but I find deep emotional confrontation hard and the break up was my fault anyway.
asuman Posted July 7, 2009 Posted July 7, 2009 Heh. That's a funny list. The last thing I did with any of my ex's. The last one I just dated for a few months: Made out with her for an eternity. (Goddamit. Traumatic flashback. Why did it end? Why!?) Ex before that: Big fight, she stormed off. Ex before that: I caught her lying to me about another guy. She felt guilty and made me some pasta. I ate it, said goodbye, and left, never to see her again. Ex before that: Lots of hugs and kisses. Ex before that: Lots of hugs and kisses.
Author t0ri Posted July 7, 2009 Author Posted July 7, 2009 I have not told my ex off, or anything like that. Rather the opposite. After she dumped me I emailed her a month later and wished her well. It was a pretty mature email, void of any vitriol, and in retrospect I wish I'd said some things. But I didn't feel any of those things. Yet. We all know that there are several stages to grieving and at that point, I didn't feel the anger yet. The anger that I still feel. Same here. I respected his decision and just took all the cruel things he dealt me during and after the breakup. He was the one breaking my heart, yet he still found it within himself to add unnecessary cruelty to the mix? I don't know what reason he seems to have found to justify that, but he did. And all the while, I wasn't once rude or anything. You would think the dumper would be a little nice or compassionate knowing they're breaking someone's heart, and the dumpee would be the angry, not-so-nice one feeling thrown out like garbage. Definitely worked opposite from that in my experience. Definitely was a bad breakup although I was nice about it all. I also wrote a little sweet and emotional goodbye note, for my own sort of closure, and he deleted it without even reading it! And expectedly, never responded. But I didn't feel anger YET while my ex and I were still in contact, 2 months ago. Now I do. However, I would never want to express anger or any emotion whatsoever to my ex, EVER again. I strongly dislike him and he'll never hear from me again.
heatherb16 Posted July 7, 2009 Posted July 7, 2009 We broke up 3 weeks ago, and right before I started NC, which was 4 days ago, I went off on him. We left on good terms, but I still had anger built up that needed to be released. That anger is what initiated NC, for me.
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