L.Lou Posted July 6, 2009 Posted July 6, 2009 Okay. If you like love stories (or something that sounds like one lol), read this. I need help with an Ex whom I really like/wanna be with. We're pretty much RIGHT for each other. This is gonna be long, so be prepared. This AWESOME (my dream girl) chick, broke up with me around this time (Jul) last year, reason being "she wasn't ready for this relationship and still has things about herself she needs to work on, BUT wants to be good friends with me". We dated for just bout 2 months (total of "talking" and dating was 3 months), but BOTH took different approaches than we did with our previous (horrible) relationships. Getting out most of our disagreements early on to avoid major probs in the future...didn't really work lol. Never cheated. Never argued, DID debate..but always ended in happy understandings, we talked out ALL of out problems. We were good, functioning perfectly. Time passed, I got WAY too comfortable, and didn't want to leave my "bubble". We (she) did everything I like to do, but when it came to me agreeing to do things she liked...I didn't. And I DID, used to get upset (not really MAD) with very petty things. I was pretty critical, I feel as if my attitude was like a "stay on your toes, on your Ps and Qs sweetheart, or I'm gone" type of attitude. More time passes, other people came into play. A dude who was everything I wasn't (AT GLANCE). Everything the she wanted to do (that I didn't) HE DID. So we are still together, they start hanging out more often, as JUST friends. Ultimately she left me for him. Then later down the line she left him, finding out he WAS in fact a scum bag (like I said, but when is a fresh ex's words relevant yannow). So she dated other people. Understandable of course. And I try, TRY to as well. We BARELY spoke after wards, like almost NOT AT ALL. Why?? I believe my calling, cause when we broke up, I recall saying "I wouldn't be able to be your friend, that'll be torture for me to sit across from you and not kiss you or be more than just that". So I stopped contacting her, of course AFTER my brief stint of being a "sniveling worm", with a barrage of texts and calls and messages. Yeah, lame I know. Kept that word (of not speaking to her)for A YEAR. She'll text around holidays, I may or may not have texted back. Our run ins were VERY awkward (which she admits to now btw) Came into my job once, with her sis and her mom (who doesn't like me by the way, based on my appearance pretty much)..and she NEVER used to come in there, even when we dated. Came in, walked around said a cold sounding "Hey", "whats up" I said. I went to the back, then when I came out. They already had left. Less than 8 minutes of being in there. ANYWHO...recently. We're cool now. It all started after a flirty comment she made towards me. She starts hitting me up on myspace (which she done hasn't since we were together). Wanting to hangout. So, we start texting each other more often. I showed I cared after something horrible happened to her. I made a gesture of taking her out to get her mind off of things. I came over that night, we did the "catch up questions" thing. I STILL didn't ask the ones that would hurt me (your "ever thought of us getting back together", "do u want to get back together", "how are you feeling about me", "what was the true reason to us breaking up", how did you feel about it all, the relationship AND the breakup" etc..). I did ask why are you single, her reply was "Why not, all these guys are the same", I reply with "maybe you're not making yourself accessible in the RIGHT PLACES and with the RIGHT crowd" , she said "you're probably right". I did tease that I have about 3 or more other questions, but aint gonna ask em. Told her I DO have feelings for her, but aren't gonna act on em, explained how I'm one of those friends who always likes her, the kinds that I used to poke fun at when we were dating. And how I am one of them now. And I hate that. Her responses were "Oh ok, gotcha" and "I wasn't sure of what you were talking about, but I am really glad we're becoming friends again"..yeah, not the best sounding answers i know. NOW...she REALLY wants those other questions to be asked. But AINT NO WAY I'm gonna hurt myself again by asking em. Next day came, So we went out, kind of reenacted one of our first dates a year ago as a couple (beach). All through it she kept pressuring me to ask the questions, of course I didn't. We lay on the beach, she's playing in my hair, touching my arm where I got my new tattoos. Asking what I'm thinking about, when I'm staring off. Then she asked what the questions pertained to, "her?..yes. Another person? ..no. Me?..I SAID NO, even though it does). She got quiet, I changed the subject. Then she said a random "yes", I said "what", she said "to answer your question".."you don't even know my question!" I said..lol..we laugh. She keeps saying "now's your chance". I laugh it all off. We play in the water, now I've shaken A LOT of insecurities since we dated, and make it shown. She jumps on my back (which totally caught me off guard to where I almost dropped her lol), playing around, i carry her deeper into the water, she hops down. We smile. As we were just walking around, she's now bringing up memories of when we last went out there. We ate in the same restaurant, she brought up where we sat last time. Now she's dropping the "babes" and "babys" left and right. She texts me about the questions again, while sitting RIGHT NEXT to me. She makes hints to when her fav bands are coming to town. She wants me to watch her fav movie with her later after the beach. And saying that maybe the answers to my "questions" wont be as bad as i think. I keep in mind, she DOES have dude friends. But none seemed to call or text while we were together that day/night, except her bestfriend. Driving her home' we're both singing (something I was scared to death to do around her when we were together) at the top of our lungs to Michael Jackson songs, she's having a blast. She brings up how I used to drive and how i used to get mad, which she always found as super funny..lol..That was ALL on Wed and Thurs. Now EVERYDAY, she texts me asking if I'm gonna ask the questions, and she's not gonna stop til I ask (her words). ALL THIS knowing I still like her, but I aint been showing it so much..other than when I told her. Early Fri she texted me at 2am asking about the questions again, I didn't reply, so she texted AGAIN after 8 minute. I then replied, DIDN'T ask em.We hung out at her place again on Sat evening, SUPER boring. Very little talking, we both kind of seemed uninterested (even though I really AM). I ended up leaving, and she textes "Sorry I'm so boring", I of course say "No, it's ok. you're not at all. YOU didn't bore me. I'M sorry I'M so boring lol". Later that night I text her "Goodnight", she says "Goodnight to you too". That's the last time we really said anything to one another, it's now Tues. She also has a rep of NOT EXPRESSING her feelings and sure as hell not talking about em. She was "gaga" (her words to friends) over me when we dated, enough so to actually break down and express her feelings with me. I used to be a "big deal" to her. Am I getting back to that same guy i once was in her eyes?? or is this her just being friends, OR maybe wanting it again..but making sure we start off AS FRIENDS ALL OVER and not rush. I dunno people...what do yall think??? Whats up with the non communication thing now. Did I play TOO hard to get?? She is unlike ANY other woman I EVER had been with, a true enigma. What should I do???
b10wick Posted July 6, 2009 Posted July 6, 2009 This may seem harsh, but I'm going to say what I think based off my past experiences. No, you won't receive a second chance. She just wants to make sure she still has you swinging from her branch, so to speak. Trust me, don't ask her the questions. 1) It will let her know your still interested in her and she will have received her answers... 2) The answers you will receive probably won't be what your looking for. Look, I'm in a similar situation.. very similar. Dated this girl for almost 3 years, she left me for a total opposite back in beginning of March..May-June-July she texts me every other week asking to hang out, to make sure I don't "forget about her". She doesn't want to get back together, just wants to make sure I don't forget about her. Like I said, this is based off my experiences, so take it for what it's worth. But I recommend you don't ask her those questions.. Keep playing hard to get- No matter how hard to get it may seem like your playing.
Author L.Lou Posted July 7, 2009 Author Posted July 7, 2009 b10wick, I appreciate it. And am sorry you're going through a similar situation. Remember I said I TOLD her I still do have feelings for her BEFORE we even hung out again. And she STILL acted the way she did, which was good...but it was only THEN. And she didn't leave me for an opposite, she left me for someone who was in a way..more "complete me". Everything I was working on or wanted to do, he was doing. PLUS..he knew that me and her were heading towards breakup, so...he knew what not and what to do. I'll give him credit on that. But his true colors shown towards the end of last year. Anywho Here's a little update. A few days ago, I had decided to take her to a concert (the one she spoke of on the date) that comes here on Jul 22nd, for her b-day present (seeing she's gonna be out of town with family during her actual birthday). But upon me REASKING if she took that day off yet, she dropped a question ON ME. I'm not the type to take out someones gf. So I asked "lemme ask you this, seeing my dumbass forgot to earlier lol. Are you is talking to anyone like that, cause I don't like to take out someones gf or potential gf" (and a hidden way to find out IF she in fact is or not)..She said "No, I'm not. So why couldn't you ask me that a long time ago? And are you doing all of this so we can get back together?"..yeah, dropped that little bomb on me. I was like "..didn't want to. And no, of course not, you can't BUY some one back, and YES that was ONE of them". Her reply was "Exactly. But I think everything would be a lot easier if you would just come out and say or ask what you want to know instead of walking around unsure of whats going on". My reply went like this """what do you mean? I already know...we're just friends. I would never try to "buy you back", i mean for one I'm white-ish and you're black...that aint a good look of me "buying" you lol..but nah, I saw asking "the questions" as irrelevant..already know the answers, just...don't wanna hear them""".....sooooooo that's where we're at now. I feel as if I held off too much, played too hard to get. But at the same time, I don't wanna screw anything up BEFORE the concert, just for it to be super awkward. Bare in mind I DON'T text her everyday. Most time's it'll be her to hit me up first
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