jqb05443 Posted July 6, 2009 Posted July 6, 2009 My bf and I have been broken up now for 2.5 months. I am still having a hard time coping with the break up. The day he broke up with me I deleted him from facebook and have not looked on his page ever since. I also requested that my friends that are friends with him not to tell me anything that he posts on his page because I rather not know. I still talk to one of bf wives on facebook but we have never talked about the break up as i don't want to put her in a weird situation. Well his bf has an annual tradition of throwing a 4th of July BBQ. I knew his wife would post pictures of the BBQ and I was telling myself that I was going to avoid FB b/c I didn't want to see that she posted pics because I knew I would be tempted to look. And if I saw him at the BBQ with another girl or just even a recent picture of him looking happy at the BBQ I knew I would just lose it. Well I just signed on and saw she uploaded 75 pictures from the BBQ and my heart dropped because I wanted to look BUT I was strong and did what I had to do and logged off. I am feeling a little bit of anxiety and want to go back on and look at the pics BUT I know I won't see anything that would make me feel better. If only I was this successful with NC lol. That I am a failure with but baby steps I guess.
fooled Posted July 6, 2009 Posted July 6, 2009 What will YOU gain by looking at the pics? How will it help you?
asuman Posted July 6, 2009 Posted July 6, 2009 You should be proud of yourself. I started the same way when it came to FB. It was hard not to look at first, but with each passing day I grew more and more strength. I also knew that looking just brought me pain, rather than relief. Pain < No pain = don't look at FB.
Author jqb05443 Posted July 6, 2009 Author Posted July 6, 2009 nothing that's why I am proud of myself for not looking
CaliGuy Posted July 6, 2009 Posted July 6, 2009 What will YOU gain by looking at the pics? How will it help you? Exactly, Fooled! And good to see you posting again. Hope things are well!
jlr Posted July 6, 2009 Posted July 6, 2009 I know how rough that can be. I haven't deleted my ex from my Facebook. Last night, after making the mistake of texting her and breaking the NC I've been doing well at keeping, I saw an update from her on there. She barely checks her FB to begin with, so I was shocked to see one. It killed me. She posted how much she "loves life" right now, and also where it gives you highlights in the right column on FB it said she had changed her status to "In A Relationship". It broke my heart. I really need to delete her from my Facebook, I know. I'm torturing myself...
adamt Posted July 6, 2009 Posted July 6, 2009 I deleted my ex off facebook last week. it was hard when i did it because it is accepting it is finally over but the next day i was glad i did it as i dont know what she is upto. I didnt bother telling her, I'm sure she will understand why i am doing it. Weird thing is we have mutual friends and some of them she hardly knows but i know well. One of her close work colleagues is on my facebook, so i will probably have to delete her too if there are any pictures of my ex going up. Facebook can be a mess and something to think about when starting a relationship. In my case it wasnt too messy. I just wanted to make sure that if she met someone then she wasnt on my facebook by then. I think everyone should delete their ex until they are fully over them
Danzig Posted July 7, 2009 Posted July 7, 2009 Yeah, ex on FB = heartache. Thats how I found out she had new bf after 2 weeks from our break up. should have deleted her right away, kicking myself now though.
Trimmer Posted July 7, 2009 Posted July 7, 2009 I know how rough that can be. I haven't deleted my ex from my Facebook. Last night, after making the mistake of texting her and breaking the NC I've been doing well at keeping, I saw an update from her on there. She barely checks her FB to begin with, so I was shocked to see one. It killed me. She posted how much she "loves life" right now, and also where it gives you highlights in the right column on FB it said she had changed her status to "In A Relationship". It broke my heart. I really need to delete her from my Facebook, I know. I'm torturing myself... (I hope this doesn't make it worse, but...) As someone said in another thread, Facebook isn't a snapshot of who someone is, it's an advertisement of the story they want you to believe/know about them. So in that sense, your ex's action, especially coming on the heels of being in contact with you on facebook, just seems like an extra punch in the face. Of course when you put that stuff up, you know someone's going to be looking, and immediately after you talk to an ex? Seems pretty intentional to me...
asuman Posted July 7, 2009 Posted July 7, 2009 I know how rough that can be. I haven't deleted my ex from my Facebook. Last night, after making the mistake of texting her and breaking the NC I've been doing well at keeping, I saw an update from her on there. She barely checks her FB to begin with, so I was shocked to see one. It killed me. She posted how much she "loves life" right now, and also where it gives you highlights in the right column on FB it said she had changed her status to "In A Relationship". It broke my heart. I really need to delete her from my Facebook, I know. I'm torturing myself... That's BS. She totally did that to kick you in the face. Eff her. Rent a few strippers and bust out a digital camera for a night and post that all over your Facebook. She how she likes dem apples.
jlr Posted July 13, 2009 Posted July 13, 2009 Aha. Nice Asuman! Thanks for that, it made me laugh.It's true what Trimmer said about how Facebook isn't a snapshot of what your life is really like, but rather a snapshow of what you want people to believe. I know that when she writes stuff like "I LOVE my life" with 5,000 exclamation marks after it, it's not only to project that to others, but it's also to convince herself of that. It's like some people think if they say "I'm happy, I'm happy, I'm happy" over and over, then it MUST be true.I don't know if her FB posts were intentional to me, but I do know, from knowing her for a long time, that she likes to project an image that things are peachy, even when they aren't.So, I suppose I shouldn't take anything said on a Facebook page or other social site as a good representation of how someone is.I appreciate you guys reminding me of that. This is why I love this site.
Trimmer Posted July 13, 2009 Posted July 13, 2009 ...Facebook isn't a snapshot of what your life is really like, but rather a snapshow of what you want people to believe. I know that when she writes stuff like "I LOVE my life" with 5,000 exclamation marks after it, it's not only to project that to others, but it's also to convince herself of that. It's like some people think if they say "I'm happy, I'm happy, I'm happy" over and over, then it MUST be true. I think that's a really important addition to my point, that it may be as much a projection of what she wants to believe, or is trying to convince herself of...
jlr Posted July 27, 2009 Posted July 27, 2009 I'm quite close to deleting it. The other day I deleted all her old emails where she tells me she'll be with me forever. I also deleted her from my phone and the picture of her that would come up when she calls. Just little things. Facebook is now my last thing to do. One positive note. While seeing those other things on Facebook made me terribly sad, I did end up seeing a picture of the new guy. Not on her FB, but his. I was so worried I'd see this guy, run into them or something, and he'd look like Brad Pitt and I'd feel worse about myself. But, seeing him, and all the things he's into - everything I'm NOT - made me feel better. He's no catch, and he's not into any of the things me and her were. It's so intentionally going AGAINST me, that it made me laugh a bit. I'm not someone who has a lot of confidence right now because of this, but I'm way cooler and more attractive than this dude. It's like, have fun with your rebound. Me, I'm doing it the smart way. I'm working through all the pain and heart ache so that one day, when I meet someone, it won't be just to rebound. It won't just be someone to make me forget her, like this dude is for her. 1
yharden Posted July 30, 2009 Posted July 30, 2009 I know how rough that can be. I haven't deleted my ex from my Facebook. Last night, after making the mistake of texting her and breaking the NC I've been doing well at keeping, I saw an update from her on there. She barely checks her FB to begin with, so I was shocked to see one. It killed me. She posted how much she "loves life" right now, and also where it gives you highlights in the right column on FB it said she had changed her status to "In A Relationship". It broke my heart. I really need to delete her from my Facebook, I know. I'm torturing myself... That is how I found out my ex was in a relationship too. It broke my heart, and then about 4 weeks later he changed his status again to engaged to her. Of course I should have deleted him sooner, but I was torturing myslef too.
yharden Posted July 30, 2009 Posted July 30, 2009 But, seeing him, and all the things he's into - everything I'm NOT - made me feel better. He's no catch, and he's not into any of the things me and her were. It's so intentionally going AGAINST me, that it made me laugh a bit. I'm not someone who has a lot of confidence right now because of this, but I'm way cooler and more attractive than this dude. The woman my ex is now with is frumpy to say the least, and in one picture she looked like a dude. However, seeing how unattractive she is did not make the pain of seeing them together any less painful. I mean she is with him, and I am not no matter how much better looking I am than she is. 1
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