ms3cbm Posted July 6, 2009 Posted July 6, 2009 My relationship is slipping, and I need some help. We've been together for almost 8 months (as of July 11th). Firstly, I know this is a long explanation, but it helps for you to understand exactly what has happened to us, and gives insight into our situation. Well, we live nearly two thousand miles apart, and we met through Yahoo Answers. Our relationship started well, but after one month, she cheated on me with her ex. I decided, although very hurt at the time, to not break up with her. Our relationship was strained after that, but we kept it together, even though we would drift apart at times. We started telephone calls in January, and by the beginning of February, we had both agreed to get each other something for Valentine's Day; however, she had already begun to hurt me, and I decided to break up with her on February 6th, because she cheated on me, and I couldn't stand being hurt anymore. We, however, after three days, got back together. Unfortunately, I haven't been the greatest boyfriend either. I was talking with an old friend of mine (a girl on Facebook), and I told her that she looked quite pretty in a picture of her in a dress, and she asked me for my number. I gave it to her, with the intention of hanging out just as old acquaintances...nothing more. After I did this, I realized instead that she wanted to date me, and I felt terrible about it. I did tell my girlfriend, and she said she forgave me for doing what I did. Another bad thing I did, was that I promised my girlfriend that I wouldn't speed in my car anymore, and at one point, I would speed, breaking my promise a total of nine times (I don't speed anymore, and I have kept my promise since then). The next week was Valentine's day, so, keeping with our plan to send each other a present (which we also agreed to do after getting back together on the 8th). I sent her a few small presents and a card, but in return, I received nothing. I decided then to break up with her again. This time, we were apart for approximately 1 week. By that Saturday, we were back together again. Now, after that, for a long time, we were closer, but we had a few problems with drifting apart, and hurting each other. If we had a problem, we'd work on it, and we'd forgive each other for the problems we had. Then, for our sixth month anniversary, I wanted to fly out to be with her. I told her one month in advance, on her birthday, to tell the person who would be driving her to where we were going to have our first date. I reminded her once in a while to tell the person who was going to drive her. The day before I'm scheduled to fly out to be with her, I ask her one final time if she told the person that he would be driving her to be with me...she didn't. According to my girlfriend, she didn't tell him because I was too pushy about it, and if I wouldn't have reminded her, she would have told him. At that point, I once again, broke up with her. We remained apart for three days, and got back together once again. The only present I have ever received from her was a handwritten letter, on my birthday, with a pipe-cleaner heart inside of it. I love the heart, but it seems sometimes that she doesn't care as much about me as I do about her. Also, I have sent her small little gifts/letters once in a while - totaling approximately 6 or 7 total...(little love poems, love letters, some homemade love crafts, and a couple homemade CDs). We also promised that we'd forgive and forget about things that previously happened in our relationship, but we both feel that we truly haven't forgiven and forgotten for the problems that have happened. I want to trust her, but at times, I'm really afraid that she's going to hurt me again. Since then, we have been having minor little arguments and irritations, but we never meant to hurt each other. As you can imagine, we have to set appointments "dates" to talk on the telephone. Once in a great while, she would not call me at our appropriated time, like we agreed, and would make we wait, sometimes as long as 2 hours. Recently, she did that again, except three days in a direct row. I was extremely hurt, but I decided to forgive her. Recently, I've been colder toward her, even though I don't intend to be, and I've been, in a way, mean toward her. I really don't want to be like that, and I want her in my life, because I love her so much, and she loves me. We really do care about each other, and we want our relationship to last as long as it possibly can. I don't want us to drift apart anymore, and I need to find a way to keep us together. We've both really tried to stop drifting apart, but little things keep coming up and pull us apart. Please help us! What can we do to stop drifting apart?
SoulSearch_CO Posted July 6, 2009 Posted July 6, 2009 Honestly, I don't understand why people put up with this kind of garbage in a relationship. With every time she flakes out on you (and I'm talking the phone calls, the presents, the ride to meet you), she sends you a message that she just simply doesn't care. You are not important enough for her to put forth the effort to show you love. Is that all you're worth? Really, the on-again/off-again behavior you guys have is not healthy. I think it's time to cut ties and move on with your life. Let yourself heal completely and find a girl that can love you as you love her. This has become an unhealthy obsession. You guys get back together after breaking up because of loneliness. The good news? Loneliness isn't terminal. If you deal with it long enough (or go out with friends), it eventually gets more bearable.
Author ms3cbm Posted July 6, 2009 Author Posted July 6, 2009 Thank you for your advice. I've heard that exact same thing from like ten different people. I know the on-off thing is unhealthy. We both can't just let each other go, because I guess, like you said, it's the loneliness thing. We're addicted to talking on the phone to each other, and we can't stand it because, to tell you the truth, we're both so bored at our homes. Thank you, though. I don't know what to do...I don't want to be a doormat, but then again, I really don't want to hurt her either.
mendes Posted July 6, 2009 Posted July 6, 2009 The best thing to get over breakups is to talk to each other and get to know what exactly is the problem which is resulting to this. And I don't thing there is any problem in this world which cannot be solved by talking.
ratingsguy Posted July 6, 2009 Posted July 6, 2009 Our relationship started well, but after one month, she cheated on me with her ex. After one month? This is all I really needed to hear. It's time to move on, brother. This ship is sinking, yet you still think you can get it to the port. She has demonstrated that she actually doesn't love you... and if she does, it's only when it's convenient for her. You don't date someone because you're bored. That's a terrible reason to be in a relationship with someone. You seem like a good guy, so go find someone who will appreciate all the love you have to shower someone with. She clearly doesn't deserve it. Best of luck.
Author ms3cbm Posted July 6, 2009 Author Posted July 6, 2009 Thanks everyone! Keep up the posts, if anyone else has any more suggestions. I don't know what to do! I'm so tired of being hurt and stepped on, but I don't want to hurt her!
Recommended Posts