jalex2012 Posted July 6, 2009 Posted July 6, 2009 My husband came home three months ago from a business trip. He is a writer and he was working with some colleagues and stayed in their homes. One was a single woman with whom he hit it off quite well it seems. Apparently, he poured his heart out to her about the problems in our relationship (of which he had never expressed any to me) over the 4 days he stayed with her. I have got various versions of what occurred, but he came back wanting 'more' in our relationship. He sees this relationship as having stimulated us to talk more, but I found his method of getting emotionally close to someone else deceitful, especially since she said if things were different she would be interested in him and he said he thought about having an affair with her. All this is rather murky even though I have tried to get a really clear idea of what happened. In any case when he came back he wasn't happy with the answer I gave him when he asked me if I still loved him. Which I do.... I was, literally, just totally surprised and really hurt and am having real trust issues with him now, which makes me quite sad. He claims nothing is happening with this woman, she lives on the opposite coast, but he has continued to talk with her at least once a week. (It has been 3 months) Until finally two weeks ago, I told him to stop it because it was getting in the way of healing whatever rift has occurred between us. We have been married 19 years and have one son so our relationship is much different than what he would have with someone whom he just met yet he seems to want that kind of new relationship kind of excitement. He says my concern over this woman is a generational thing -- he is 41 and I am 53 (I'm still in great shape fortunately). I don't think it has anything to do with being younger although it might have to do with experience -- I was previously married and have tried to be really careful in this relationship. In any case, if some married man can give me some insight into what is happening with my husband I would appreciate it. We are doing some counseling, but I am really hurt, particularly because he doesn't think it matters that he has a close relationship with another woman.
jj33 Posted July 6, 2009 Posted July 6, 2009 Im not a married man but I wanted to respond so you know SOMEONE is listening. You may get more responses in the infidelity board. There seem to be more men that post there. Anyway its not a generational thing - clever excuse. Either you are open to other relationships such as affairs or you arent. Its as old as time. Its a trust thing and a wanting to do what makes you feel comfortable thing. He said he
Author jalex2012 Posted July 6, 2009 Author Posted July 6, 2009 Please continue what you are saying and thanks for answering... yes, my husband is a clever with rhetoric which is why its really hard to get a handle on what happened and what is happening...
Reggie Posted July 6, 2009 Posted July 6, 2009 It has nothing to do with age difference. He acted completely inappropriately divulging marital problems and issues to another woman. He has betrayed you and you are very normal to have been hurt by this. Something is wrong with this guy. He does not understand loyalty and fidelity and boundaries.
Recommended Posts