broken_promises Posted July 5, 2009 Posted July 5, 2009 Today has been the hardest day thus far in the breakup. (A long breakup/decision period when we were living together, but only 11 days moved out.) I don't know why today is so hard. I'm just miserable. I'm not even missing HIM necessarily, but I'm consumed with all of the crap from the breakup phase (why he could care less about me, what he is doing right now, etc.) We have had no contact since I moved out except for one email that he sent me that was pretty pathetic. I didn't reply. And I've been doing okay... keeping busy, going out with friends, etc. But today/tonight, I feel like I'm going stir crazy. Like I'm crawling out of my skin. I want to reply to his email that he sent a week ago. I just don't know how to get through the rest of this night without either getting drunk or being self-destructive in some way. I just feel unstable and not strong enough to get through this at all tonight. Ugh.
PinkToes Posted July 6, 2009 Posted July 6, 2009 Hey there, I'm so sorry you're going through this right now. I hate those times; you're doing OK, or at least not feeling too desperate most of the time, and WHAM..... the rug comes out from under you. It's a horrible part of the process, and if you're like me, you just want to wake up and forget it ever happened and feel good again. I wish I could say something to help you feel better, but I'm glad you're here and you're posting. Sometimes all you can do is keep breathing and keep putting one foot in front of the other and just survive. Wait it out, because you know this stumbling block won't last forever. Be gentle with yourself right now. You'll get there. Take care.
asuman Posted July 6, 2009 Posted July 6, 2009 You're going through what every single one of us goes through when faced with this situation. I'm sorry to hear about it because I know it's tough. There are some people who turn to things like getting drunk, getting stoned, or other self-destructive stuff during a time like this. For whatever lucky reason, I've always been the exact opposite. I take the negative pent-up energy I have, and funnel it into something like: climbing a mountain, running a few miles, lifting weights, etc. Try and use this anxiety you're experiencing and funnel it into something positive that will improve your life, rather than alcohol or drugs. This has worked really well for me.
fooled Posted July 6, 2009 Posted July 6, 2009 Asuman is right - do something physical. Reaffirm that you are good and worthwhile. Now is all about YOU.
moo Posted July 6, 2009 Posted July 6, 2009 I've been feeling that way too...very anxious, very uptight...as if I am in withdrawal. I did crafts all weekend, and then after I finished tonight, I just broke down and had a powerful, really good cry. I went for a walk with a friend, came back and wrote in my journal, and got on here.
Author broken_promises Posted July 6, 2009 Author Posted July 6, 2009 Thanks all. I did eventually end up crying a lot last night and then did get a few hours of sleep. Of course, I woke up at 5am with all the same thoughts from yesterday still swirling in my head. The thoughts that I want to keep hold of (where I am strong and can see the breakup/ex for what they really are) are so elusive. I guess I just want to know that the confidence I felt when I first moved to my new place is going to come back. I tend to get hung up on exes and breakups and I don't want that to happen with this one because I can see the reality of the situation and felt so good about it at first. So, I don't want some skewed version of it that my brain latches onto at times like these to be the way I start to see it permanently. Does that make sense? Thanks for the words of encouragement and knowing what I am going through. That is really helpful. I have returned to working out (something that I somehow stopped doing in the relationship) which is helpful because it is a way to channel the anxiety in a good way. It is just when I can't sleep or when I am faced with the sudden aloneness of being out of the relationship and my self-worth starts sinking that I end up feeling the I am bottoming out.
adamt Posted July 6, 2009 Posted July 6, 2009 my body seems to be in the habit of waking up at 5:30-6am every morning, even if i go to bed after midnight. first 2 weeks of break up i didnt sleep much now i cant seem to get out of the habit. i dont feel tired or anything. maybe it is just the light mornings in the summer.
Danzig Posted July 7, 2009 Posted July 7, 2009 i'm going through the same thing adamt. waking up at five after going to bed late and being wide awake. The mornings are the roughest i find...
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