mavstar Posted July 5, 2009 Posted July 5, 2009 Someone help me please!!!, i have read thru the threads and my situation is so similar. i dont even know where to start. basicaly i have lost my wife of 14yrs and dont know how to get the words out without shorting my keyboard from tears
Trimmer Posted July 5, 2009 Posted July 5, 2009 Just do the best you can. Did she leave? Were you having problems, or did it seem to you to be a sudden decision? Do you have kids? Do you think, or suspect, or know whether somoene else is involved? Just start getting some of the basics out. Be careful with your identity - don't post anything that can identify you directly (no names, locations, be careful with talking abotu jobs, etc...)
Author mavstar Posted July 5, 2009 Author Posted July 5, 2009 The events leading up to the separation start building about 3 years ago. We have had a great marriage(of course normal disagreements), two beautiful little girls 14 & 8, great communication and great sex life, until 3 mths ago. We both acknowledge, we both have are faults and 4 weeks ago we decided to take a break for a couple weeks to clear our heads. We had been mostly arguing about the life style were living and my desire to scale back a little on the partying and drinking. The decision was mutual on the separation. She and the girls went to her mothers. I was upset that she would get mad at the things I would say or do around friends but she would be doing the same and it was ok with her. We both agreed that the influence of this one friend was not healthy for our relationship, so we decided to cool the friendship with her. I did, I stopped all contact with her and assumed my wife would too. Instead, she started accusing me of making her choose between her best friend or me. I tried to explain to her that this friendship and party atmosphere was killing our marriage. She agreed, but every time something “FUN” came up she would want to hang out again. And, sometimes I admit I would too. When it got to where we were spending 5 days a week with either her or her and her husband, I had had enough. I told her I was through going over there. She could, but me and the girls were through hang out so much. There is a lot more to this, but that gives a general starting point to the major problem. This led to us arguing and loosing respect for each other for the last 3 months. After she stayed at her mothers for 3 days, she called and was saying that there wasn’t enough room. I told her to come home and we would try to work it out together. My stand was If you want me to change for you, fine. There were things I needed her to change. She agreed, but never held up her end. Now, I explained that what she was doing was anything major(drinkin and attitude that goes with it), but the fact she want me to do for her, but she want give me the same consideration. ie…. She wants her cake and eat it too. After, we argued about it the last time, I got mad as hell. Like an Idiot, I told her she had to leave. I calmed down the next day, and told her that if she wasn’t willing to meet me half way, then we really do need to split up. I never showed any emotion. I helped her and the girls move into her grandmothers home. Get settled and all. That was a month ago. I went thru the norm. 1st week- mad, 2nd week- numb, 3rd week – physicaly sick and depressed, no sleep, lost 12lbs. This past week, we discussed her coming home because I knew I messed up asking her to leave. She said she wants to but she wants to make sure what she wants now.
Author mavstar Posted July 6, 2009 Author Posted July 6, 2009 Sorry everyone, i read thru prev. post i couldnt understand half i wrote. my head is so screwed up. i cant even find the words.
seibert253 Posted July 6, 2009 Posted July 6, 2009 Have you guys tried any type of counseling. It' takes two to fix a fractured marriage and so far she's not holding up her end of the bargin. Your right about the cake eating. If you haven't, you need to consult with an attorney to protect yourself. Time to stand up. Tell her you love and miss her, and would love to stay married, but she's not been holding up her end of the bargin. Come up with a plan for healing, and lay it out for her. Ask her for her input. If she's still not willing to work on this, then you need to call her bluff and file for D. Maybe that will snap her out of this.
mark982 Posted July 6, 2009 Posted July 6, 2009 what's the big attraction, with this other woman and her husband?
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