lostinmisery Posted July 5, 2009 Posted July 5, 2009 Hey to all the men/guys here, i really need your perspective because i'm female and 21 and have no clue as to how guys think. Case in point, there's a guy at my school, and he is soo hard to figure out. How does a guy let a girl know he's interested? Does he smile a lot when he sees her? Does he ask her her name more than once? I'm confused, because then how can you tell if a man is not interested and just being nice? You know, the whole he's just not that into you, but likes you as a friend. Please help me, please....
Bayern Posted July 6, 2009 Posted July 6, 2009 In my opinion guys will never actively seek out a girl to be friends. If they find out she is interesting or nice they might pursue it, but if the guy only knows your name (or doesn't considering he is asking more than once ) then I highly doubt he wants anything but a relationship - or at least to get to know you for one. The smiling is also telling that he wants more than friendship also. It is hard to say in general what guys do to let girls know they are interested in them, but in this case I think it's pretty safe to say he wants more than friendship. Please don't sue me if it's not the case. Good luck.
Author lostinmisery Posted July 10, 2009 Author Posted July 10, 2009 Please click one of the Quick Reply icons in the posts above to activate Quick Reply.
kizik Posted July 10, 2009 Posted July 10, 2009 If he smiles at you, asks you questions, touches you occasionally (your hand or arm or gives you a big hug) and asks you out - he's interested in you. Don't settle for anything less though, he needs to make you feel wanted.
Author lostinmisery Posted July 10, 2009 Author Posted July 10, 2009 i think i blew it with this guy, ok here's what happened. an organization at my school was showing a movie that i really wanted to see. they were showing it in the student union and when i first walked thru the door, there he was. he came over with a curious look on his face, like who is that girl. so he said hi and introduced himself as benny. and i told him my name and then he offered me cookies and punch. i said no, i didn't want any. i told him that i was just there for the movie and nothing else. at first sight, i thought he was handsome but had vacant eyes. like when he looked at me, it was like he was thinking in his head at the same time. then he asked if i wanted to sit with his group of friends at the other table, but i still declined. so i walked towards another table and just sat down. he went back to his group of friends and he leaned over to tell them something and they laughed. then one by one they came over different ones and intriduced themselves. they just surrounded my table and of course beeny sat down while all the others chatted around us. two of his friends who were girls felt embarrassed and his closest friend a guy friend said to me, hey we got one thing in common and i said, what. we both like pepsi and the girl who was standing there said, oh, you're using one of your pickup lines again. well benny was sitting quietly and i looked at him and it seemed again that his mind was thinking about something else. he would look at me but it was like he was looking and thinking to himself. but meeting him seemed great at first and i told him i wanted to join the organization and benny asked for my number and then my name. he told me he was bad at remembering names. then over the next weeks i don't know what happened but whenever he would come over to say hi, i kind of gave him the reserved silent hi like you know just a reserved hello not exactly a friendly one. and i went to the next meeting his group had but i was quiet and yet again reserved. he called me like he said but at the meeting i guess i didn't give a friendly impression. i left abruptly and i don't know, i guess i was intimidated by him. i retreated somehow like when he would look in my direction in passing. i would look the other way and i wouldn't smile. and i just kept my distance from him. i was nice to him but i didn't allow myself to get close to him. then for some reason i got angry at him inwardly because i thought he should have done more. but i never made any effort, i acted as though i couldn't stand him. i just ignored him except for when he came over to my table that i was sitting at with another guy from my class. i talked to him and i was polite and all. again it seemed that his mind was on other things and before he left he shook both of our hands. i thought it was strange and he was zipping and unzipping his jacket and that kind of got on my nerves. but now he doesn't speak, he stopped looking at me and then i overheard him tell his friend that i was weird and a freak. now we are enemies. i give as many evil stares as i can and he ignores me. i made up in my mind that i don't want to have anything to do with him and i should move on. i know i was a bitch but i don't know....i'm insecure and his outgoing personality his wanting to know me, i couldn't believe a guy that was as handsome as he was could find interest in me.... i thought he was just wanting to talk to me so that he could go back to his friends and laugh behind my back and spread my business. i assumed the worse and now that's what i got the worse. and now he's on my s list. so that's pretty much it. Please click one of the Quick Reply icons in the posts above to activate Quick Reply.
BobSacamento Posted July 10, 2009 Posted July 10, 2009 If by "weird and freak" he means socially awkward than I'd agree 100%. Seriously the guy tried to be friendly, what did you do for him?
boogieboy Posted July 10, 2009 Posted July 10, 2009 Yep, you are weird and a freak. When a guy showed interest in you, you turned your back on him and acted like you werent interested. You cant expect him to WANT to try harder when you are pulling away like that. You screwed it all up. Good job. The only way to fix it is now, since he thinks youre a freak, you have to approach him and change his impression of you. You have to make the effort and flirt with him now. You have to take the chance that he will not accept your advances now because you are acting too inconsistenly. You have to be prepared to take the loss on this one. But I know what youre going to do. Youre too afraid of rejection, youre a kid and you will do nothing and wonder what could have happened, arent you?
Cora Posted July 10, 2009 Posted July 10, 2009 Yep, you are weird and a freak. When a guy showed interest in you, you turned your back on him and acted like you werent interested. You cant expect him to WANT to try harder when you are pulling away like that. You screwed it all up. Good job. The only way to fix it is now, since he thinks youre a freak, you have to approach him and change his impression of you. You have to make the effort and flirt with him now. You have to take the chance that he will not accept your advances now because you are acting too inconsistenly. You have to be prepared to take the loss on this one. But I know what youre going to do. Youre too afraid of rejection, youre a kid and you will do nothing and wonder what could have happened, arent you? Wow, you just tell it like it is don't you? While it may be true, some people just have a harder time with rejection than others. I can relate to what she is going through though. I have been in her shoes many times where I don't know if a guy is flirting with me or just being nice. Now that I look back I see all of the missed opportunities....all the woulda coulda shoulda's. Truth is, I have just let fear control me for too long. I agree with what you are saying, however, you could have put it a little nicer I think. Ah well, I suppose your signature says it all though.
boogieboy Posted July 10, 2009 Posted July 10, 2009 Wow, you just tell it like it is don't you? While it may be true, some people just have a harder time with rejection than others. I can relate to what she is going through though. I have been in her shoes many times where I don't know if a guy is flirting with me or just being nice. Now that I look back I see all of the missed opportunities....all the woulda coulda shoulda's. Truth is, I have just let fear control me for too long. I agree with what you are saying, however, you could have put it a little nicer I think. Ah well, I suppose your signature says it all though. Well thats why i put that in my sig. Typically Im the only one who doesnt "put it nice" i just get frustrated sometimes. And after I dont put it nicely, everyone else softens it up after me. Problem is since shes young, she WILL do this again when a guy smiles at her. She will not risk the rejection. I dare her to prove me wrong.
Bayern Posted July 10, 2009 Posted July 10, 2009 Well you know what you did wrong because you explained it to us. I suggest you try to correct those errors with the next guy. Maybe even talk to Benny and explain you weren't really yourself when talking with him.
Author lostinmisery Posted July 10, 2009 Author Posted July 10, 2009 boogie's right, yeah i tend to be scared and yeah there have been a lot of guys who have tried but then i turned it into something negative. i don't know, i sabotage everything! gawd, i'm not that young, if you consider 18 young! but i push guys away, i push ppl away and that's because well i don't know why. you guys don't go to my school do you?? cuz, i swear, you know me too well! and no, i don't want to flirt or try with him and yeah i'm weird! i swear, have you guys talked to anyone close to me, i swear for strangers i've never met, you know me like a book! so, how do i change?? what do i do? i mean, how can i be more appealing? i don't know how to do any flirting, i've never flirted before! how can i stop the guys from running? you would be the people to ask, wow, i guess i should have asked you all BEFORE i went into freakishly weird mode..... Well thats why i put that in my sig. Typically Im the only one who doesnt "put it nice" i just get frustrated sometimes. And after I dont put it nicely, everyone else softens it up after me. Problem is since shes young, she WILL do this again when a guy smiles at her. She will not risk the rejection. I dare her to prove me wrong.
boogieboy Posted July 10, 2009 Posted July 10, 2009 18 is REALLY young for most of us on this site, but you dont worry about that you cute lil thang. To make yourself more approachable, all you need to do is smile at the guy and make a lil eye contact. Approaching people takes some getting used to, and problem is, if youre gonna approach someone, you might need something to talk to them about as ammo. In your case, I would say for now, until you get used to approaching, just walk by, say "hi" while smiling, and walk away. That will open the door for him to make a move. See how im nice now Cora? She admitted that she always does this, and I have no problem giving her a lil pat on the butt for support.
Cora Posted July 11, 2009 Posted July 11, 2009 18 is REALLY young for most of us on this site, but you dont worry about that you cute lil thang. To make yourself more approachable, all you need to do is smile at the guy and make a lil eye contact. Approaching people takes some getting used to, and problem is, if youre gonna approach someone, you might need something to talk to them about as ammo. In your case, I would say for now, until you get used to approaching, just walk by, say "hi" while smiling, and walk away. That will open the door for him to make a move. See how im nice now Cora? She admitted that she always does this, and I have no problem giving her a lil pat on the butt for support. LOL Good Job! I'm just too much of a softy I suppose. I really could learn a lesson or two myself from your advice. I'm a very naive 26 year old.
Author lostinmisery Posted July 11, 2009 Author Posted July 11, 2009 then what would i do? if i really really really like a guy....and i do all these things, smile, make eye contact and i do all of this like you say, then what if he wants just friendship? and i'm left feeling stupid for putting myself out there, and he was only trying to be a polite friend....it's soo confusing! i want to know what a guy's intentions are BEFORE i do anything. i want to know if he's wanting a relationship or friendship. and how can i tell the difference between a guy wanting to be "just friends" and a guy who wants something more? LOL Good Job! I'm just too much of a softy I suppose. I really could learn a lesson or two myself from your advice. I'm a very naive 26 year old.
boogieboy Posted July 11, 2009 Posted July 11, 2009 then what would i do? if i really really really like a guy....and i do all these things, smile, make eye contact and i do all of this like you say, then what if he wants just friendship? and i'm left feeling stupid for putting myself out there, and he was only trying to be a polite friend....it's soo confusing! i want to know what a guy's intentions are BEFORE i do anything. i want to know if he's wanting a relationship or friendship. and how can i tell the difference between a guy wanting to be "just friends" and a guy who wants something more? In this case, you dont have a choice. You will never know what he wants until you make the effort to find out. You HAVE to put yourself out there. Its not confusing, you just know that you have to risk rejection and you dont want to. He put himself out there and you turned your back to him, so you have to do damage control. if a guy wants more than friendship he will make moves on you. But if he makes moves, you cant push him away, you have to show him interest. And you have to be interesting to him for him to want a relationship with you. You should not be worried about whether he wants just sex or a relationship, the faster you go with the flow the faster you will find out. Dont put any expectations on any guy you are looking at until you hear from his mouth what you want.
Trialbyfire Posted July 11, 2009 Posted July 11, 2009 Is it a bad thing, if you manage to make another friend? It's a no lose situation and if he asks you out...bonus!
boogieboy Posted July 11, 2009 Posted July 11, 2009 Is it a bad thing, if you manage to make another friend? It's a no lose situation and if he asks you out...bonus! A "friend" is not the intention of either of them. They want to make out. Making it a friend situation is just going to prolong her procrastination of doing what she has to do. And even worse, if he doesnt like her like that, he'll put her in his friend zone, and then she'll get ignored.
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