dp Posted July 5, 2009 Posted July 5, 2009 Ok, here's the scoop and I'm sorry if this get long. I have been with my husband for 8 1/2 years. We've only been married for 1 1/2 of those years. Over the course of our relationship he has cheated on me with the neighbor girl and told me 3 times that he was unhappy with me and that he was thinking about leaving me. So the most recent event happened this past Feb. He said he was thinking about leaving me and that if our current situation continured he would end up cheating on me. I was at first upset and confused. Then I just kept getting stronger and stronger and now I'm at the point where I just don't care anymore. Here enters the topic of this thread. I met a guy at work. He's new and has only been there since March. How it came to be that I talked to him is that I do the repairs that he brings to me. So there was interaction between us because of our work relationship. But, we became kind of friends. I'm very friendly and like to joke a lot at work so I guess he just liked that I was funny and he felt comfortable around me. Well about 3 weeks after I met him he sent me a friend request for myspace. I accepted and then sent him one for facebook which he didn't really do until I requested it. So, we facebook each other every once in a while. Here's the thing though. I don't know if he's flirting with me or if he's like that with everyone. He makes eye contact with me when he talks to me or when I talk to him and sometimes when he's leaving to go back to work he'll give me a little tap on my back as he leaves. If I ask him to walk with me at lunch or on our breaks he will, he usually sits outside with the other guys smoking a cigarette. I'm the only girl that he really hangs with at work, not that there are that many of us there but, still. We sometimes will play around like he'll say something joking around and I'll maybe push him or slap him and then he'll come back at me and we'll end up kind of "wrestling" around for a bit. He always smiles when he sees me and says hello. I started a towel snapping fight with him at work and he played a long for about 15 minutes. I asked him one time if he thought that an outfit I was wearing was dumb and he said no. He then told me that if I ever asked him anything that he would always tell the truth because he doesn't lie. So I did a Q & A with him and he warned me that if I didn't want to hear the answer to a question then I shouldn't ask it because he was gonna tell me the truth. So some of the questions I asked were if he found me attractive and he said yes, I asked if things were different if he'd like to date me and he said yes! He had said that he doesn't like to mix business with pleasure so when Friday comes I rarely hear from him except for maybe a comment on facebook or if he responds to my email. So I don't know if he's telling the truth that he would like to date me and that maybe because I'm still married and we work together that's what's keeping him distant or what. Also, he's been (this past week) hanging out at my desk a little more. He's made a special trip over to my desk to talk to me just for a couple of minutes while he waited for someone else to do his repairs and on Thurs. he spent a lot of time with me. He said that he didn't have any work to do so he came down to see me. We joked around and he even offered to help me do my work for an hour. When he finally had work to do he started to leave and take his lunch bag with him and then he turned around and said that he'd just leave it there. Which means that he'd have to come back to pick it up before he left for the long weekend. We have a good relationship at work but, it just seems like when Friday comes he acts like he doesn't know me. Also, about a month ago I had these little stickers with my picture on them. I stuck one on his badge at work and when he came back down it wasn't on there. I asked him where it was and he said he stuck it on his keychain. I figured that he was just lying and that he got rid of it. So, when I was up there I saw his keys sitting there and I flipped his keychain over and to my surprise there was my sticker!!! This was 3 weeks after I gave it to him. So I'm trying to figure out if he's into me or if he's just someone who keeps girls as friends. He's single and he does have a lot of girls that are friends but, I'm different. If he thought that we could just be friends and hang out then he would so obviously he either feels that I'll get out of control or he will and that things will get sticky because we work together. Any help figuring this out would be greatly appreciated. I've pretty much moved on emotionally from my marriage. I can only take so much abandonment from my husband and this is the 3rd time that he's done this to me. I just don't know what to do about him and now throw in this new guy at work and I'm really confused! HELP!!!
Brady_to_Moss Posted July 6, 2009 Posted July 6, 2009 I cant read this!...you really need some paragraphs..my eyes hurt just look at all of that..sorry!
carhill Posted July 6, 2009 Posted July 6, 2009 Ok, here's the scoop and I'm sorry if this get long. I have been with my husband for 8 1/2 years. We've only been married for 1 1/2 of those years. Over the course of our relationship he has cheated on me with the neighbor girl and told me 3 times that he was unhappy with me and that he was thinking about leaving me. So the most recent event happened this past Feb. He said he was thinking about leaving me and that if our current situation continured he would end up cheating on me. I was at first upset and confused. Then I just kept getting stronger and stronger and now I'm at the point where I just don't care anymore. Here enters the topic of this thread. When a man speaks negative words, believe him. I met a guy at work. He's new and has only been there since March. How it came to be that I talked to him is that I do the repairs that he brings to me. So there was interaction between us because of our work relationship. But, we became kind of friends. I'm very friendly and like to joke a lot at work so I guess he just liked that I was funny and he felt comfortable around me. Well about 3 weeks after I met him he sent me a friend request for myspace. I accepted and then sent him one for facebook which he didn't really do until I requested it. So, we facebook each other every once in a while. Here's the thing though. I don't know if he's flirting with me or if he's like that with everyone. He makes eye contact with me when he talks to me or when I talk to him and sometimes when he's leaving to go back to work he'll give me a little tap on my back as he leaves. If I ask him to walk with me at lunch or on our breaks he will, he usually sits outside with the other guys smoking a cigarette. I'm the only girl that he really hangs with at work, not that there are that many of us there but, still.Does this sound like the beginning of a revenge affair? We sometimes will play around like he'll say something joking around and I'll maybe push him or slap him and then he'll come back at me and we'll end up kind of "wrestling" around for a bit. He always smiles when he sees me and says hello. I started a towel snapping fight with him at work and he played a long for about 15 minutes. I asked him one time if he thought that an outfit I was wearing was dumb and he said no. He then told me that if I ever asked him anything that he would always tell the truth because he doesn't lie. So I did a Q & A with him and he warned me that if I didn't want to hear the answer to a question then I shouldn't ask it because he was gonna tell me the truth. So some of the questions I asked were if he found me attractive and he said yes, I asked if things were different if he'd like to date me and he said yes! He had said that he doesn't like to mix business with pleasure so when Friday comes I rarely hear from him except for maybe a comment on facebook or if he responds to my email. So I don't know if he's telling the truth that he would like to date me and that maybe because I'm still married and we work together that's what's keeping him distant or what. More steps along that path. Also, he's been (this past week) hanging out at my desk a little more. He's made a special trip over to my desk to talk to me just for a couple of minutes while he waited for someone else to do his repairs and on Thurs. he spent a lot of time with me. He said that he didn't have any work to do so he came down to see me. We joked around and he even offered to help me do my work for an hour. When he finally had work to do he started to leave and take his lunch bag with him and then he turned around and said that he'd just leave it there. Which means that he'd have to come back to pick it up before he left for the long weekend. We have a good relationship at work but, it just seems like when Friday comes he acts like he doesn't know me. Also, about a month ago I had these little stickers with my picture on them. I stuck one on his badge at work and when he came back down it wasn't on there. I asked him where it was and he said he stuck it on his keychain. I figured that he was just lying and that he got rid of it. So, when I was up there I saw his keys sitting there and I flipped his keychain over and to my surprise there was my sticker!!! This was 3 weeks after I gave it to him. So I'm trying to figure out if he's into me or if he's just someone who keeps girls as friends. He's single and he does have a lot of girls that are friends but, I'm different. If he thought that we could just be friends and hang out then he would so obviously he either feels that I'll get out of control or he will and that things will get sticky because we work together. Any help figuring this out would be greatly appreciated. I've pretty much moved on emotionally from my marriage. I can only take so much abandonment from my husband and this is the 3rd time that he's done this to me. I just don't know what to do about him and now throw in this new guy at work and I'm really confused! HELP!!!OK, then get a divorce. I'm unclear if this guy at work is really compatible or if it's just a distraction and/or ego boost, but I guess that's irrelevant. I would strongly suggest that you not monkey-branch with this guy at work, and it sounds like you are fishing for ideas as to whether that's possible, as it will deny you the proper time and reflection to heal from the pain of your H's infidelities and the end of your marriage. Even though you say you are now emotionally detached, that hurt is still there, under the surface, and will affect you in future relationships if you don't work through it. IMO, you will be doomed to repeat history unless you properly learn from it. Also, depending on where you work and the importance of your career, a workplace romance, especially if failed, can be devastating to a career and professional reputation. Think that through. If you want validation/romance/sex, get it outside of work. That's my opinion.
Author dp Posted July 6, 2009 Author Posted July 6, 2009 When a man speaks negative words, believe him. Does this sound like the beginning of a revenge affair? More steps along that path. OK, then get a divorce. I'm unclear if this guy at work is really compatible or if it's just a distraction and/or ego boost, but I guess that's irrelevant. I would strongly suggest that you not monkey-branch with this guy at work, and it sounds like you are fishing for ideas as to whether that's possible, as it will deny you the proper time and reflection to heal from the pain of your H's infidelities and the end of your marriage. Even though you say you are now emotionally detached, that hurt is still there, under the surface, and will affect you in future relationships if you don't work through it. IMO, you will be doomed to repeat history unless you properly learn from it. Also, depending on where you work and the importance of your career, a workplace romance, especially if failed, can be devastating to a career and professional reputation. Think that through. If you want validation/romance/sex, get it outside of work. That's my opinion. Thank you for the advice. I don't think that it's a revenge affair. I have had other opportunities to get involved with someone but have not done so. I am still trying to take things slowly to make sure that I am making the right decision. A work place romance won't hurt my career if it goes badly but, that would only be based on how well we would handle it. Our work place doesn't have a policy about work place dating. I won't be there forever anyway since I'm in school and will be leaving my current career in about 2 years. I've also been through counseling to deal with all of this as well. Whether or not I'm compatible with this new guy at work, I don't know. Thank you for your reply and for reading my long post.
Author dp Posted July 6, 2009 Author Posted July 6, 2009 I cant read this!...you really need some paragraphs..my eyes hurt just look at all of that..sorry! Sorry, I type like I talk! I apologized in the beginning for the length.
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