carhill Posted July 8, 2009 Posted July 8, 2009 OP, if you're still reading, tell me the last friendly thing your neighbor lady did for you. Think of one proactive action. One inquisitive sentence. Tell me about those. She'll get extra points for introducing you to some of her single female friends; after all, she knows you quite well, yes? I'll give you my opinion after hearing your response. I have a lot of experience with the friend-zone
Author Thaddeus Posted July 8, 2009 Author Posted July 8, 2009 OP, if you're still reading, tell me the last friendly thing your neighbor lady did for you. Think of one proactive action. One inquisitive sentence. Tell me about those. She'll get extra points for introducing you to some of her single female friends; after all, she knows you quite well, yes? I'll give you my opinion after hearing your response. I have a lot of experience with the friend-zone Well, it's a very small thing but the last friendly thing she did was to give me some stuff I needed for a dinner I was making and had run out of. (I hadn't been grocery shopping.) This happened two or three days ago. She's got a sewing machine and is happy to do some sewing for me if I need it. She also collects my mail for me when I'm away. Now, I know these aren't big things but this sort of stuff does happen on a pretty regular basis. As for introducing me to her single friends, that hasn't happened but then again I've never asked her about it. Is that the sort of thing you mean?
carhill Posted July 8, 2009 Posted July 8, 2009 Responding to your inquiries/expressed needs is neighborly. I still do such for my mom's neighbors, even though I haven't lived there in 25 years. Talked to an old neighbor (she knew me when I was pooping in cotton diapers) the other day for an hour, even though I had things to do. That's neighborly. Friendly is proactively sending you birthday wishes. Asking about your mother. Taking an interest in your garden. Things like that. Proactive things, which indicate that she is thinking about you and is interested in you as a friend. She knows you're single. "Hey, Thad, I have this really cool single female friend/acquaintance. Who knows, you two might hit it off. Would you like me to arrange something?". The key here is proactive thought and and action. That defines friendship. IMO, so far, all I'm seeing is a neighborly ego feed.....
Author Thaddeus Posted July 8, 2009 Author Posted July 8, 2009 Responding to your inquiries/expressed needs is neighborly. I still do such for my mom's neighbors, even though I haven't lived there in 25 years. Talked to an old neighbor (she knew me when I was pooping in cotton diapers) the other day for an hour, even though I had things to do. That's neighborly. Friendly is proactively sending you birthday wishes. Asking about your mother. Taking an interest in your garden. Things like that. Proactive things, which indicate that she is thinking about you and is interested in you as a friend. She knows you're single. "Hey, Thad, I have this really cool single female friend/acquaintance. Who knows, you two might hit it off. Would you like me to arrange something?". The key here is proactive thought and and action. That defines friendship. IMO, so far, all I'm seeing is a neighborly ego feed..... OK, I see what you mean. Well, not too long ago my mother was admitted to hospital for some sort of lung infection and she (my neighbor) was asking about her health. She did wish me a happy birthday. And when another friend of mine recently died from stomach cancer, she (again, my neighbor) was there to listen to me talk about my deceased friend. That was at her instigating, not mine. (I'm not one to openly display strong emotion, but I'm ok with it around her because I know she won't judge or dismiss my feelings.) Does that help?
alphamale Posted July 8, 2009 Posted July 8, 2009 To add to this...if she simply feels no chemistry with you, then there is nothing that you can do, unfortunately... indeed, chemistry is either there or its not, and in this case its the latter
alphamale Posted July 8, 2009 Posted July 8, 2009 Supplicating your way into her pants with expensive dinner dates sucks because it sets a bad precedent for your relationship, reduces your value and exposes you to all sorts of manipulation. if you haven't noticed SD, good looking women are attracted to money and resources
carhill Posted July 8, 2009 Posted July 8, 2009 Does that help? Yes, that does. It brings a more friendly nature to your interactions, IMO. She should have no problem with and welcome meeting your female companions. I would talk about them at your earliest convenience. Women love to gossip
BenThereDunThat Posted July 8, 2009 Posted July 8, 2009 if you haven't noticed SD, good looking women are attracted to money and resources Allright, I've held my peace long enough. DUDE - you are so clueless when it comes to women. Completely clueless. I mean, the pre-conceived notions you have. Boggles the mind.
NotNow Posted July 8, 2009 Posted July 8, 2009 SoulSearch Co gave some really fantastic advice, and there's really not much I could add to that, other than to say I'm a girl and she's spot on with what she's said. The only issue (as someone else mentioned) is that if your friend honestly thinks there wasn't any chemistry, that might be difficult to overcome. There's always a chance that could change when she sees you as desireable by others. Good luck
alphamale Posted July 8, 2009 Posted July 8, 2009 Allright, I've held my peace long enough. DUDE - you are so clueless when it comes to women. Completely clueless. I mean, the pre-conceived notions you have. Boggles the mind.
BenThereDunThat Posted July 8, 2009 Posted July 8, 2009 Roll your eyes all you want. You are so off-base when it comes to women.
alphamale Posted July 8, 2009 Posted July 8, 2009 You are so off-base when it comes to women. oh so just cause i wasn't interested in you all of a sudden i know nothing about women in general.
carhill Posted July 8, 2009 Posted July 8, 2009 Friend-zone of a different sort OP, IMO, keep doing what you're doing; be friendly but not romantic and be conspicuous in your activities with other ladies. This does two things...widens your opportunities and raises your stock with your neighbor.
BenThereDunThat Posted July 8, 2009 Posted July 8, 2009 oh so just cause i wasn't interested in you all of a sudden i know nothing about women in general. You want to take this to its own thread so we don't hijack? Firstly, I wasn't anymore interested in you than you were me. Secondly, YOU were the one who kept pushing for a damn meeting. You started talking about meeting 3 f*cking years ago and I kept putting you off. Then all of a sudden I get a text from you - I live closer now, let's meet. What did I say? I said, you come down for a ball game or whatever, I'll meet you for a beer. But Nooooo, you took that as an invitation. Here's where I admit fault. I let it go on. My curiosity was piqued. I gave you the benefit of the doubt. That you weren't really the a** you portray yourself to be here. But yeah, you pretty much are. No. I don't think you're an a**. I don't think you're socially acclimated enough to be an actual a**. You wanna bring it? Bring it.
alphamale Posted July 8, 2009 Posted July 8, 2009 Well, it's a very small thing but the last friendly thing she did was to give me some stuff I needed for a dinner I was making and had run out of. (I hadn't been grocery shopping.) This happened two or three days ago. She's got a sewing machine and is happy to do some sewing for me if I need it. She also collects my mail for me when I'm away. Now, I know these aren't big things but this sort of stuff does happen on a pretty regular basis. she's just being neighbourly...thats all. women start relationships and choose the men they want. if she wanted you romantically then you'd already be with her.
boogieboy Posted July 8, 2009 Posted July 8, 2009 Yeah Thaddeus, the only way she will be intrigued by you now is if she sees you with more women hanging all over you. But by the time that happens, you will already have someone you like, and you wont be concerned with her.
boogieboy Posted July 8, 2009 Posted July 8, 2009 You want to take this to its own thread so we don't hijack? Firstly, I wasn't anymore interested in you than you were me. Secondly, YOU were the one who kept pushing for a damn meeting. You started talking about meeting 3 f*cking years ago and I kept putting you off. Then all of a sudden I get a text from you - I live closer now, let's meet. What did I say? I said, you come down for a ball game or whatever, I'll meet you for a beer. But Nooooo, you took that as an invitation. Here's where I admit fault. I let it go on. My curiosity was piqued. I gave you the benefit of the doubt. That you weren't really the a** you portray yourself to be here. But yeah, you pretty much are. No. I don't think you're an a**. I don't think you're socially acclimated enough to be an actual a**. You wanna bring it? Bring it. :eek:
BobSacamento Posted July 8, 2009 Posted July 8, 2009 I just think you missed a step here. The fun part. Telling a girl you want to be romantically involved or whatever is so boring. It's like your coming out and saying "Hey I want to be your BF." I think a better move would be to ask "Would you like to go get a cup of coffee?" It might seem boring at first, and just friendly but it gives you an opportunity to be in a setting where it's a date. You can flirt and see if she reciprocates.
alphamale Posted July 8, 2009 Posted July 8, 2009 I think a better move would be to ask "Would you like to go get a cup of coffee?" an even better move would be to ask her if she want to go to an expensive steak place. at least he won't look cheap and fancy restaurants have a way of putting women "in the mood" for romance if you know what i mean. cup of coffee = cheap, and women hate skinflints
Pyro Posted July 8, 2009 Posted July 8, 2009 an even better move would be to ask her if she want to go to an expensive steak place. at least he won't look cheap and fancy restaurants have a way of putting women "in the mood" for romance if you know what i mean. cup of coffee = cheap, and women hate skinflints The woman is not worth it if you have to woo her with an expensive restaurant. There is nothing wrong with asking a woman out for a cup of coffee.
Author Thaddeus Posted July 8, 2009 Author Posted July 8, 2009 For the record - and for those who are interested in this sort of thing - expensive stuff doesn't impress her. Never has. Her previous husband was a millionaire a few times over and she left him. He wasn't abusive (at least, that's what she told me and I believe her) but he spent so much time working that the relationship collapsed.
BlueHarvest Posted July 8, 2009 Posted July 8, 2009 Imagine you could've said something like: - what does it take for you to feel... really... attracted to a guy? - me, I think it's really important that people can connect and understand each other on a deep level... can you imagine such a connection..? - if we could always be ourselves, without societal pressure... just our world, no judgment... Now that's the kind of stuff you should be saying. Find out about what she likes, tell her how great it is that two people can connect on a really deep level and appreciate each other blah blah... Just be a guy of passion and fire up her feelings! Everything else is just relying on luck and divine gods to create that attraction out of nowhere. This is NOT "firing up the passion" this is what people call "pickup lines" sure they aren't the cheesy ones your used to like "heaven must be missing an angel..." Look at what you said. - what does it take for you to feel... really... attracted to a guy? Sure this one is the "best" line you have. Because its an actual genuine conversation that he and she would both be interested in talking about. - me, I think it's really important that people can connect and understand each other on a deep level... can you imagine such a connection..? This is a bull**** line. This is something you probably say to *make* women feel emotional connections with you, falsely. If they have an emotional connection with you, it won't need to be sparked by such droll and mundane lines. They'll be inherent in the conversation. - if we could always be ourselves, without societal pressure... just our world, no judgment... And if the world could have peace, and everyone have gold toilet seats, and end world hunger too! What are you? A beauty pageant queen? What kind of bullcrap is this? Society will always unfortunately have pressures, This is just another bull**** line used to pick up women.
Author Thaddeus Posted July 10, 2009 Author Posted July 10, 2009 Quick update: After she came home from work last night her boy came over to my place for me to help him repair his bicycle. The boys will often ask me to help them with this sort of thing, and I'm sincerely happy to help. As the boys and I were in my garage fiddling with bolts and wrenches, she showed up. "How do I look?" she asked. She was smokin' hot! Above-the-knee skirt, bare legs, strappy stiletto shoes... wowza! She went on to say how she loved her new shoes (what is it with women and shoes, anyway?). It's either one of three things, I figure: She's a c0ck-tease that loves the attention It's an opening and she wanted me to say something provocative or make a move (not really possible with her 9-year-old son there) She doesn't see me as a sexual being or a threat and she just wanted to show off to a "safe" person. I'm thinking it's #1. It's some sort of "aren't I hot, and YOU CAN'T HAVE ANY!" kind of game. Hate it when women play games like that.
SoulSearch_CO Posted July 10, 2009 Posted July 10, 2009 The less of a reaction you give her, the more it will bother her if #1 really is true. I'm inclined to believe the same thing - that she's messing with you. You may be THINKING, "Damn, you look hot!" But do NOT say it. Rather: "Oh, you look nice." And IMMEDIATELY go back to what you were doing.
Author Thaddeus Posted July 10, 2009 Author Posted July 10, 2009 You may be THINKING, "Damn, you look hot!" But do NOT say it. Rather: "Oh, you look nice." And IMMEDIATELY go back to what you were doing.That's exactly what happened, I said "Nice shoes" or something and then went back to fiddling with wrenches and bolts on the boy's bike. But yea, I'm pretty sure she's just trying to mess with my head. Fine. Go ahead. Bring it on. If she can ladle it out, I can handle it.
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