white milk Posted July 5, 2009 Posted July 5, 2009 hello i'm 28 year old recontly seperated man.. i developed a crush on this girl that i'm having a tough time understanding.. we texted like crazy and got to know each other a fair bit off the bat, she was flirting and so was i.. since im a bit of a head case (because of the separation) i start feeling guilty for starting to like her. i had guilt issues. anyways i try to somewhat get rejected by her in a subtle way (being too emotional too fast). i tolled her i was falling for her she jokingly says "no your not" when i tolled her she's beautiful she kept saying "no im not" i tolled her she's perfect " she says "im far from perfect" she acts cute and intrested during this time" i brought her roses and ask her if it awkwarded her out she says "only because she got peppered with questions at work" then like i thought would happen she starts backing off. after a few days of nothing, i tolled her i wanted to be rejected by her then stopped talking to her or texting her for a bit. i wanted pain and now feel justified to move on. i really like this person more and more the more i think of her, she went through a hard breakup 5 months ago and it seems she got affected (she wanted to get married the other guy didn't). we barely text now and she never flirts anymore..few days ago she phones me to help her with something.after that she came to my work(im a car salesmen and her car was getting service during this time) we chilled and walked around she followed we talked, she seemed very nervous almost scared lol well anyways i noticed her mimic my smoking and i saw her hand getterly shake lol she looked down and away when i tried to make eye contact. she couldnt hold eye contact long we had a monotonic conversation and we chilled an extra 30 mins together even after her car was done. i flirted with her after on text and she called me a nerd lol. anyways i dont know what to do.. i know that sounds weak but i believe i might be a little weak since my break up. she really seems confusing i cant read her. thanks to any help.
mammax3 Posted July 6, 2009 Posted July 6, 2009 Ok white milk, lemme see if this is what you're saying: You like this girl. You came on very strong as an emotional test to see if it would drive her away. When it didn't drive her away you actually told her you wanted to be rejected by her. The two of you stopped texting, she's stopped flirting, and seemed scared/nervous when she saw you in person. And you would like to know what to do? Before you attempt another relationship I think you need to work on yourself - your own issues surrounding your break up and your feelings (of guilt, inadequacies, self-esteem/worth...). There is lots of people with knowledge here on LS, and there are lots of books in the library about healing and getting whole after a break up. After a break up it can take upwards of 3 years with a lot of work before a person is emotionally ready to be a healthy partner with no emotional games, and not using the same relationship blueprint as the ended relationship. it sounds as though you recognize some of the areas you need to work on. That's great! It's a big first step.
Author white milk Posted July 6, 2009 Author Posted July 6, 2009 Ok white milk, lemme see if this is what you're saying: You like this girl. You came on very strong as an emotional test to see if it would drive her away. When it didn't drive her away you actually told her you wanted to be rejected by her. The two of you stopped texting, she's stopped flirting, and seemed scared/nervous when she saw you in person. And you would like to know what to do? Before you attempt another relationship I think you need to work on yourself - your own issues surrounding your break up and your feelings (of guilt, inadequacies, self-esteem/worth...). There is lots of people with knowledge here on LS, and there are lots of books in the library about healing and getting whole after a break up. After a break up it can take upwards of 3 years with a lot of work before a person is emotionally ready to be a healthy partner with no emotional games, and not using the same relationship blueprint as the ended relationship. it sounds as though you recognize some of the areas you need to work on. That's great! It's a big first step. i do have issues and everyday they are getting better.. i'm just very confused right now in my life. btw i now have closure i guess, i texted her today asking if i made her scared last time. she said no i didnt but thinks i'm still trying to get her after she said no. i respond back with i don't know what i want/wanted and tolled her i didn't meen to give mixed signals. and that i do like her. she responds back with keep it just as freinds. in which case i responded with agreement. i wonder if i messed that up forever lol. funny it doesnt feel too bad now.
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