tcd09 Posted July 5, 2009 Posted July 5, 2009 My ex and I split at beginning of April. She dumped me and I deserved it as I was non-commital, had broken up with her twice (due to stupid reasons and each time we reconciled) and I didn't make the effort required. I was all confused and an idiot. She now has a new guy and started to see him just 2 WEEKS after we split) - it was an 8 months relationship and I tried and tried to win her back by calls, texts and e-mails and not only did that fail but I pushed her further away and she can't stand me now and says I had no dignit in how I handled the situation. The 2 weeks until she started seeing somebody else is what hurt me unbelievably as I am still very much in love with her, I realise the mistakes I made and just so desperately wanted to win her back and finally become the boyfriend she thought I was after the first 2 months we went out together. I have not contacted her for 3 weeks now (I have deleted her mobile number and don't e-mail her now) but I left it by sending her a letter to her flat offering a sincere apology for how I behaved post break-up in failing to handle her with a new guy. She unsurprisingly did not respond. The thing that has got me so confused is that one of my friends she has as a friend on facebook and I have noticed she has started to post "I likes" to innocuous posts he makes and she also comments occasionally. This I find very hurtful as she knows I access my friends page regularly and post on it myself (for laughs). Why is she doing this? The only time she had posted on his page before was back in January when she wished my friend a happy new year (again, she has only met him twice and they won't meet in the future). My friend has access to her page (I don't want to know what she is doing now) and he has confirmed she is now in a realtionship with someone else. He refuses to remove her as he doesn't see why he shoul which has also annoyed me somewhat. Is she messing with me by posting on my friends site - even when she now has a new man? She asked me to forget about her but I can't do that when she is posting and I don't want to elbowed off of facebook so that I don't see her posts. I think it is exceptionally cruel that she is doing this and it annoys me a great deal. Is she doing this innocently or is she playing with my head...?
lora22 Posted July 5, 2009 Posted July 5, 2009 Sounds to me like she's not thinking of you at all, in any way.
NotNow Posted July 5, 2009 Posted July 5, 2009 I understand you're hurt, but I agree with the above poster - I think you're thinking about her way more than she's thinking about you. I can see where her behavior is perhaps insensitive, but it sounds like she's probably moved on from you and your relationship, so it doesn't make sense that she would be doing this to torment you. If she were, I think she'd be doing more than "liking" things on your friend's page just so you'll see that she's doing it. Also, what kind of friend is this? He doesn't owe this girl anything, and doesn't even know her. He does, however, owe YOU something - so why hasn't he unfriended her?
Author tcd09 Posted July 5, 2009 Author Posted July 5, 2009 Well my mate stays near her and I guess he just wouldn't want to feel awkward if he happened to bump into her at some point. I don't know. I did ask him to defriend her but he sad "hell no, this is too good" which is pretty insensitive I suppose but I accept both your points that I am reading into this too much. I just find it strange that she is only now starting to post on his page, she never did this before and she knows I can see what she says.
NotNow Posted July 6, 2009 Posted July 6, 2009 Well my mate stays near her and I guess he just wouldn't want to feel awkward if he happened to bump into her at some point. I don't know. I did ask him to defriend her but he sad "hell no, this is too good" which is pretty insensitive I suppose but I accept both your points that I am reading into this too much. I just find it strange that she is only now starting to post on his page, she never did this before and she knows I can see what she says. I realize that your friend isn't really the topic of this thread, but I'm really disgusted by his behavior. Not wanting to feel "awkward" around someone he's met twice in his life because he "unfriends" her is total crap. If it were me, the only thing that would make me feel awkward about running into someone I didn't know is that we'd be doing that weird "I think I know that person but I can't really place him/her" kind of thing...or if I did recognize the person, I would feel awkward about knowing the details of her messy relationship and breakup with my friend. I'm not sure about his "hell no this is too good" response - he means that the potential drama is too good? What a jackass. But I digress. Are you sure that your buddy hasn't been chatting her up online since your breakup? That would be one very plausible explanation for his refusal to unfriend her and the fact that she is commenting on his stuff. Or, maybe she's just on fb more now? Also the "like" option is fairly new, so it stands to reason that she wouldn't have felt comfortable (or had anything to say) actually leaving a comment, but is OK clicking the "like" button. Since that option has been added to fb I have gotten SO many people using that option on my own account that have NEVER written on my wall or commented on anything, and who I barely know and/or haven't spoken to in forever.
Author tcd09 Posted July 6, 2009 Author Posted July 6, 2009 Nah, there is nothing going on with my mate and my ex. I know who the guy is she is dating and it's not my friend. I do agree he really should respect my wishes and defriend her but he isn't so I just have to deal with that... My ex has posted the odd comment also and it's the comments she makes that gets to me as I am trying to forget abotu her and really she should be sensitive to my feelings on this and not post on my friends page. I have been a regular poster on his page since beginning of the year (he is my old flatmate and I've known him for 15 years) and she will have read my posts on his page. She never really posted before so i can't help but think she is being quite cunning here - ie trying to remind me she still exists and no doubt having a great time without me now she has moved on. I am getting better by the day and a few weeks ago she sent me a nasty e-mail saying her new guy was "more of a man than I will ever be" and she said he has a big motorbike, a car, makes "way more money than I do" and has his own place (I am back at home just now - albeit temporarily) I think these comment she made to me were pretty disgusting and for a 28 year old as well....! To be honest I did call her stupid in an e-mail myself but that was because I couldn't convince her that I wouldn't have doubts again and wanted to build a future with her. A week later I apologised but she stood by her comments! I was stunned... I'm sure once I meet another girl I like I will be completely over her - I mean it has worked for her - but just now I just feel I am in limbo. One minute I'm feeling great and then I feel terrible. Love sucks! :-)
Lishy Posted July 6, 2009 Posted July 6, 2009 Tell your friend that if he will not de-friend her then you will remove him! Tell him that it is hurting you You have your answer and for what it is worth I would say she is doing this to get to you on some level
Author tcd09 Posted July 6, 2009 Author Posted July 6, 2009 I did actually say this to him one night when I was quite drunk in a text recently as I asked a couple of other mates about it and they said he should remove her. You know, a bit of me does think that he can just keep her on it as if I carry on as normal and not respond then it will show her that I am doing fine and she's not bothering me at all (which is obviously not really true just now...! ). If she is doing this for a reaction and to try and get to me and I ignore it then she will probably stop posting. Who knows...!?
Lishy Posted July 6, 2009 Posted July 6, 2009 But the bottom line is that it IS bothering you! I dont think much of your mate! What a tosser!
Author tcd09 Posted July 6, 2009 Author Posted July 6, 2009 Yeah, I know. He just doesn't get how much it affects me I guess. I'll say to him again I think.
door-mat Posted July 6, 2009 Posted July 6, 2009 I think it is very strange she only started posting after the split, but I also think she i quite possibly getting what she want, stop looking at her msgs on facebook, and stop talking about her to your friends and try to meet new people in the hope of finding some one special who would not do such cruel things.
whichwayisup Posted July 6, 2009 Posted July 6, 2009 Block her! If you do that, hopefully you won't see what she's writing.
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