JadeAyanami Posted July 5, 2009 Posted July 5, 2009 I have no where else to turn. I need some advice and fast...Please help me out a bit. You see I dated this guy for about 3 years, we were engaged...But some terrible things went on that slowly drove us apart... You see, he was an extremely angry, possessive, and all around threatening man. I was stupid to stay with him as long as I did but, love makes you dumb ya know. He got ALOT better through the years, but he had his outbursts. Well, I finally broke it off with him about a year ago, but we continued to be friends. We were exceptionally close friends for more than a year after we broke up. I helped him with his anger, and he helped me with just about everything. We knew that we loved each other still, but knew we could not be together again after what had happened. We were strictly friends, no sex or kissing...we did cuddle and goof off, but that was the extent of it. His anger, jealousy, and aggressiveness began to diminish and I helped him deal with his anger. He goes to church now and has been doing soo much better. Even his friends have seen a HUGE change in him. Well, he got himself a stripper/druggy girlfriend a few weeks ago. I am not upset by any means, but he tried to make out with me and told me how much he missed me and such only a couple days after he told me this. I missed him too, but I keep telling myself I cant be with him. Well, I told him we should not see each other anymore since he has a girlfriend... I miss him SOOOO much though. He was my most best friend in the whole world. Neither of us want this, but I think it is right.... WHAT SHOULD I DO!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?! (sorry my writing sucks right now, I am so scatter brained right now)
TaraMaiden Posted July 5, 2009 Posted July 5, 2009 Exactly as you have said. Move on, and let this be. I keep harping on about this, but you really need to read the link/signature thread, of a member here called Caliguy. It's masterful and you should stick to it completely 100%. good luck, be strong.
Author JadeAyanami Posted July 6, 2009 Author Posted July 6, 2009 Thank you so very much. I slipped up last night and had him over....He tried to make out with me again, he still knows exactly what buttons to push. I told him to leave her and take me in the heat of the moment. He said no and yet still tried to "make love" with me. I told him sorry, but he has to leave. I lost an excessive amount of respect for him. It disgusts me that he was willing to cheat on this girl of his. Not to mention "make love" to me yet refuse to leave the other girl. I guess now I gotta try and keep myself busy and keep a smile on my face. ^_^
NopeNah Posted July 7, 2009 Posted July 7, 2009 He sounds like a real standup guy! Now you know what needs to be done with this.
Trimmer Posted July 7, 2009 Posted July 7, 2009 Well, I told him we should not see each other anymore since he has a girlfriend... Actually, my thought wasn't so much that that the girlfriend alone is the reason you shouldn't see him. I think you now realize that this is much more of a concern: Well, he got himself a stripper/druggy girlfriend a few weeks ago. I am not upset by any means, but he tried to make out with me and told me how much he missed me and such only a couple days after he told me this.
dxb Posted July 7, 2009 Posted July 7, 2009 You cannot be friends with someone you love. Not only does it traumatise both of you ("Hey, let's have all the crappy elements of a relationship and none of the benefits!") but it also doesn't exactly help if you're trying to get a relationship sorted for yourself. If he's not smart enough to cut himself loose from you, if you really do care about him, you'll do it for him.
Author JadeAyanami Posted July 8, 2009 Author Posted July 8, 2009 Oh my goodness, it just keeps getting crazier. You see I could have sympathy for the devil...He needed a ride to court today to settle some things and he needed a ride... Ugh, guess who agreed. So, I drove him and after that we went to get something to eat...Well, he looked at me and asked if I would MARRY HIM!!! AHHH!! I told him he was being silly, and reminded him that he had himself a girlfriend. Some people have such nerve.
BCCA Posted July 8, 2009 Posted July 8, 2009 Oh my goodness, it just keeps getting crazier. You see I could have sympathy for the devil...He needed a ride to court today to settle some things and he needed a ride... Ugh, guess who agreed. So, I drove him and after that we went to get something to eat...Well, he looked at me and asked if I would MARRY HIM!!! AHHH!! I told him he was being silly, and reminded him that he had himself a girlfriend. Some people have such nerve. $50 says he was just trying to get you to sleep with him, as disgusting as that sounds. I highly doubt he was at all serious about marrying you, especially since he wouldnt dump his gf to get back with you when given the option. He just wants to have his cake and eat it, too. He wants to sleep with you when he feels like it, and come and go as he pleases, but still have a gf and whole other life on the side. Its lame, but Ive had a 'freind' do that to me before. It really stinks when you have to walk away from people that mean a lot to you, but - sometimes you dont have any other choice.
Trimmer Posted July 8, 2009 Posted July 8, 2009 Oh my goodness, it just keeps getting crazier. You see I could have sympathy for the devil...He needed a ride to court today to settle some things and he needed a ride... Ugh, guess who agreed. So, I drove him and after that we went to get something to eat...Well, he looked at me and asked if I would MARRY HIM!!! AHHH!! I told him he was being silly, and reminded him that he had himself a girlfriend. Some people have such nerve. OK, so in the past, he was angry, threatening, and possessive. His impulse control problems seem to have been effectively hidden for a while now, but in his attempts to regain your attention and reassert his "possession" of you, he's gone from "give me a kiss," to "let's have sex," to "marry me." So far it's all words, but yes, it is getting crazier. Do you have high confidence that his impulse and control issues from the past are really gone, or just suppressed? I think it would be good to watch out here for any signs that he is slipping in his impulse and anger control. Your description of how he used to be, as "threatening" and "abusive" really raises a red flag with me, in view of his current escalating behavior.
Author JadeAyanami Posted July 9, 2009 Author Posted July 9, 2009 Ya know, I had truly thought he had changed. Of course now I am not so sure. I honestly wonder if he is simply obsessed...That probably sounds rather vain, but that is what the people around me are sayin. When we were together he would get extremely upset when guys would even glance at me. I am not an ugly girl so it kinda happened all the time. He would not go to bars or pool halls with me because he would get too pissed off with other guys staring. This actually was still true after we broke up come to think of it. He still calls everyday and texts. It is so hard to be mean to him though. How do I say goodbye and stay away?
NopeNah Posted July 9, 2009 Posted July 9, 2009 How do I say goodbye and stay away? Stop responding, period!
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