asuman Posted July 5, 2009 Posted July 5, 2009 So, I was at a wedding last night and something my lovely date said (about the whole vibe at the place; kind of fake) reminded me of the way I've felt in certain dating or relationship situations. It's what you feel when you're with someone you really, really want, and who you really, really want to want you, but she just doesn't. I have had that feeling before. I know that girls I've dated have also had that feeling before, and one broke up with me because she figured it out. It's an uncomfortable sensation. Not a very happy one either. It's kind of terrifying to realize it, actually. There are people who live for years this way. Entire lifetimes. Think about that the next time you pine after the ex who you think is so awesome that you'll never find someone like her again. Yeah, yeah, she's "perfect". She's beautiful, and has all the right things about her that you love, blah blah blah. But she's not into you. A year from now, do you really want to be faced with this sentiment that by then you will not be able to deny? Look for someone who's into you the way you are into them. She's not "perfect" if she's not nuts about you, folks.
aboynamedmike Posted July 5, 2009 Posted July 5, 2009 True that man. I lost interest in my ex and lived a few weeks with her knowing that I didn't want to be with her anymore. It was absolutely terrible and I thought I was going to go insane. So I told her that I saw her as only a friend in the nicest way possible and ended it. I felt bad for making her hurt so bad, but I couldn't lead her on like that. Good advice man!
Eve Posted July 5, 2009 Posted July 5, 2009 H'mmmm, I could not live like that. I dont know how people can stay together when the love/attraction has totally gone. That would be like holding someone prisoner. But I guess for some relationships are not about love, its an agreement. Take care, Eve xx
gorgio Posted July 5, 2009 Posted July 5, 2009 Many people end up settling because they are afraid of the passion. When you are passionate about someone you can easily get hurt but when you are with someone that is 'safe' you feel safe. And I agree, that down the road you will always have something missing in your life if you chose to settle.
aboynamedmike Posted July 5, 2009 Posted July 5, 2009 Many people end up settling because they are afraid of the passion. When you are passionate about someone you can easily get hurt but when you are with someone that is 'safe' you feel safe. And I agree, that down the road you will always have something missing in your life if you chose to settle. Are you saying that people get married because they're afraid of getting hurt? And that if you feel safe with someone you will be safe with them? Just trying to clarify, I'm only 20, but the whole idea of marriage seems like a joke to me lately.
CaliGuy Posted July 5, 2009 Posted July 5, 2009 So, I was at a wedding last night and something my lovely date said (about the whole vibe at the place; kind of fake) reminded me of the way I've felt in certain dating or relationship situations. It's what you feel when you're with someone you really, really want, and who you really, really want to want you, but she just doesn't. I have had that feeling before. I know that girls I've dated have also had that feeling before, and one broke up with me because she figured it out. It's an uncomfortable sensation. Not a very happy one either. It's kind of terrifying to realize it, actually. There are people who live for years this way. Entire lifetimes. Think about that the next time you pine after the ex who you think is so awesome that you'll never find someone like her again. Yeah, yeah, she's "perfect". She's beautiful, and has all the right things about her that you love, blah blah blah. But she's not into you. A year from now, do you really want to be faced with this sentiment that by then you will not be able to deny? Look for someone who's into you the way you are into them. She's not "perfect" if she's not nuts about you, folks. This is a more detailed way of a statement I often make on LS. "Never make someone a priority in your life who only sees you as an option..." In other words, if he/she just isn't that into you, it makes no sense to chase after them. Your energy is best spent on someone who WANTS to be with you in the same way you want them. Only then will the relationship flourish. And might I add: One-sided relationships absolutely SUCK.
Author asuman Posted July 5, 2009 Author Posted July 5, 2009 H'mmmm, I could not live like that. I dont know how people can stay together when the love/attraction has totally gone. That would be like holding someone prisoner. But I guess for some relationships are not about love, its an agreement. Take care, Eve xx The situation I'm thinking of isn't necessarily one where there's no love, or even no attraction. Two people may very well care about each other, and be somewhat attracted to each other. But she's just not into him, no matter how much she "likes" him, and even though he's nuts about her. That's a very bad scenario. And the realization will hit you sooner or later. All I'm saying is that this is something to think about for everyone here who can't get over an ex who dumped them. They dumped you for a reason. Even if you can "win" them back, do you want to face this possibility in your future? Let them go. If they're nuts about you, they'll come back.
Lyssa Posted July 5, 2009 Posted July 5, 2009 This is a more detailed way of a statement I often make on LS. "Never make someone a priority in your life who only sees you as an option..." In other words, if he/she just isn't that into you, it makes no sense to chase after them. Your energy is best spent on someone who WANTS to be with you in the same way you want them. Only then will the relationship flourish. And might I add: One-sided relationships absolutely SUCK. This is something I absolutely agree with. In fact, I believe I have agreed on this several times, CG. Definitely something people should keep in mind!
Eve Posted July 5, 2009 Posted July 5, 2009 The situation I'm thinking of isn't necessarily one where there's no love, or even no attraction. Two people may very well care about each other, and be somewhat attracted to each other. But she's just not into him, no matter how much she "likes" him, and even though he's nuts about her. That's a very bad scenario. And the realization will hit you sooner or later. All I'm saying is that this is something to think about for everyone here who can't get over an ex who dumped them. They dumped you for a reason. Even if you can "win" them back, do you want to face this possibility in your future? Let them go. If they're nuts about you, they'll come back. Sorry, I get you now.. and agree. Take care, Eve xx
gorgio Posted July 5, 2009 Posted July 5, 2009 Are you saying that people get married because they're afraid of getting hurt? And that if you feel safe with someone you will be safe with them? Just trying to clarify, I'm only 20, but the whole idea of marriage seems like a joke to me lately. No, what I am saying that many people settle and marry someone who is 'safe'. The idea of marriage is a joke, if you love someone you don't need the paper to prove it.
gypsi Posted July 5, 2009 Posted July 5, 2009 what if your ex was completley nuts about you and your relationship was heaven sent and you ***ed up by hurting them due to some ***ed up behaviour on your part and they leave you? Not only did you break their heart but you broke your own heart aswell how do you cope with something like this?
Author asuman Posted July 5, 2009 Author Posted July 5, 2009 what if your ex was completley nuts about you and your relationship was heaven sent and you ***ed up by hurting them due to some ***ed up behaviour on your part and they leave you? Not only did you break their heart but you broke your own heart aswell how do you cope with something like this? If they loved you so much, wouldn't they want to give you another chance? If you loved her so much, would you really have effed up in the first place? There's something to be said about the psychology of not really wanting something until it's suddenly taken away from you.
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