UnamedSeven Posted July 5, 2009 Posted July 5, 2009 Well, i've had a year-long history with this girl (I'll call her S). Me and S live 400 miles away from each other and we tried to make this LDR work in the beginning of the Summer last year and we seemed perfect for each other; never getting into fights or ANYTHING like that, up until the end of Summer last year. I decided that we should just be friends but it was because i liked this girl in my town, and i would never want to cheat on a girl in my life but i never told S this. Soon, everything drifted away between me and S. I left this wonderful girl, S, to be in a relationship with this other girl (name not important) who left me without saying why. When me and S were in our LDR, it was me that suggested that we should just be friends, but i never told her why. I almost cried when she said she understood but didn't need a reason. She was everything i could ask for and i didn't deserve her. So, me and S texted each other here-and-there around Halloween but we stopped in December but we started to pick things up in March. I started to experience all the old feelings that i had for her in the past. I kept my cool and tried not to give away how i felt. We'd text each other so much during the day, it was just like the old days last year. At around May, we began saying "love ya!" in our texts and recently i told her the reason why we broke up. I added in that no matter how many times i told her i loved her when we were in our LDR, i truly meant it even more now. So, in response to this, she said she had to go and i told her to text me later and she said okay. I haven't heard anything since than and its been 2 weeks. Since we both have subscriptions to this game we play, i sent her messages through that and she's been neglecting those, along with my texts and i feel really bad about about what i last told her. She deserves to know why we broke up, and i never told her until 2 weeks ago. I'd give anything to have just our friendship back and nothing more. I haven't sent her a text in a couple of days and we haven't talked on the phone since last Summer so my question is, do you think i should try calling her or just wait a while for things to cool down more? If you have any input at all, it is greatly appreciated and im sorry this message is so long.
ratingsguy Posted July 5, 2009 Posted July 5, 2009 Yes, call her! You tried to rekindle an old flame via text message? Call me old fashioned, but even for the younger generation which is completely addicted to text messaging, this isn't going to work. Put yourself in her shoes for a moment. How sincere do you think she's going to think you are about your feelings if all you're doing is sending text messages? Text messaging is so impersonal. At the VERY least you need to call. Ultimately, if you want to start up this LDR again, you need to figure out a way to get together again in person. Working through her feelings about you leaving her then wanting to get back together again can't be accomplished via text messages... trust me. Good luck!
Island Girl Posted July 5, 2009 Posted July 5, 2009 At around May, we began saying "love ya!" in our texts and recently i told her the reason why we broke up. I added in that no matter how many times i told her i loved her when we were in our LDR, i truly meant it even more now. So, in response to this, she said she had to go and i told her to text me later and she said okay. I haven't heard anything since than and its been 2 weeks. So, in a nutshell, you told her why you broke up with her (that you thought the grass was greener and had found someone close by that you thought may be better) and she hasn't responded since? Since we both have subscriptions to this game we play, i sent her messages through that and she's been neglecting those, along with my texts and i feel really bad about about what i last told her. She deserves to know why we broke up, and i never told her until 2 weeks ago. I'd give anything to have just our friendship back and nothing more. So she is doing NC at this point. No response to texts and no response in the game. My guess is she is really angry and hurt by the fact that you dumped her because you thought you found someone better. No matter how you put it or try to justify it that is what happened. If you want to be friends I would do as ratingsguy suggested and call her. More than likely she won't answer but you can leave a message apologizing to her and telling her that you would like to have her in your life in any capacity and most of all you miss her friendship. Just keep in mind that if you were her true friend you wouldn't have treated her the way you did. If you were a dedicated boyfriend you wouldn't have done what you did. And if she is as great as you say she deserved better all the way around.
Author UnamedSeven Posted July 5, 2009 Author Posted July 5, 2009 Thanks for the responses: ratingsguy- I'm not looking to be in an LDR with her again. I miss our friendship so much and even getting THAT back would require more than i can give. I'm afraid i really screwed up this time and i don't want to bother her with the constant text messages or messages through the game. I believe that i'm only hurting her more by doing that than anything else. Island Girl- Yeah, she hasn't texted back. I've sent her at least 5 texts just saying "hey can we talk?" and my phone says that it gets delivered to her phone (meaning, she opened and read the message). So, she pretty much is ignoring me because of what i told her; which is fine and i'm able to understand that. But, i didn't just say "hey wanna know how we broke up?". That wasn't the case at all. I amounted to that during our text message conversation 2 weeks ago by saying, "I have to tell you something about our breakup". She said "Sure" and thats when i told her. I apologized at the end of the text and said that i loved her even more now than i did before and THATS when she said i gotta go. I know that i threw away my LDR for some other girl and i know that it was wrong but she knows how sorry i am and my guess is, she doesn't want anything to do with me b/c of this. And, even if she doesn't want me to text her anymore, than i want to hear it from her and not just assume. I'll gladly let her live her own life but i just want things to be a mutual understanding between us. Thanks for the responses and i will call her tonight.
ratingsguy Posted July 5, 2009 Posted July 5, 2009 Well, wait a minute. You love her more than you ever did before, but you don't want to be in a relationship with her? I'm confused. If you really don't want to be in a relationship, I don't see much point in the two of you being friends. If she's gone NC on you, she clearly wanted a relationship and was happy in the relationship you had. So why add insult to injury by asking her to be friends? You're only going to confuse this poor girl and cause more hurt. Allow me to ammend what I said. Only call her if you are interested in getting back together with her. If you're not, respect the fact that she's gone NC. If and when she wants to be friends, that should be her decision to make. She's moved on. I think it would be best if you did as well.
Author UnamedSeven Posted July 6, 2009 Author Posted July 6, 2009 You see, Ratingsguy, i loved her more than i ever did, before she went NC on me. When she decided to stop talking to me 2 weeks ago, it was a sign to me that she couldn't return the feeling. Since then, i've slowly become more and more sad about what i last said to her and judging by the look of things, 2 weeks ago was our last conversation ever. Allow me to explain: At 7 this afternoon, i get a call i can't forget. It was a call from my mom telling me that my grandfather had died. I was speechless and just couldn't and still can't comprehend anything. I've tried to fight back tears but couldn't. Writing that last paragraph took me about 30 minutes to type. When i hung up the phone, i texted S and said that i needed to speak to her and implored her for her comfort since a death in my family just occured. I've yet to get another text since then. The only thing i can think of, currently, is that S has already forgotten who i am by now.
Island Girl Posted July 6, 2009 Posted July 6, 2009 I am so sorry about your grandfather. I'd post about the relationship but right now you have enough going on. We can come back to this when you feel like it.
Author UnamedSeven Posted July 7, 2009 Author Posted July 7, 2009 Don't worry, its fine. I used the majority of today to reflect on everything and came to a few conclusions, which i guess is good. Its not worth having things from the past drag you down. All the burdens that old relationships carry has had a gigantic affect on me and its better if i try to start over completely. So, im deleting any of the texts that are from S, as well as any other things on my phone that relate to her. I can't afford to grieve over my grandfather's passing but rather celebrate the times i shared with him. He's always called me his favorite so its nice to know that he's continually looking after me from above now Anyway i decided that i should ignore any texts from S because she would've at least said something to me in response to when i texted her about one of my family members dying (i didn't specify in the text) but she still should've said something.
Island Girl Posted July 7, 2009 Posted July 7, 2009 Probably a good plan to just move on as you plan to. I guess you learned the grass isn't always greener and always look at what you have instead of what you don't have. I hope your next relationship is a happy fulfilling one that brings you the same kind of friendship that you had with her.
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