Decks Posted July 5, 2009 Posted July 5, 2009 Hi folks, I've been having major issues with my girlfriend of 3 years lately and I was hoping I could get some advice. My problem is our sex life, we don't have one, and when we do have it (about once a month if I'm lucky), it's robotic. About a year ago I had a talk with her about it, and she said this has been a problem for a few years now. She told me that when she was my age (btw I'm 24, She is 32), she always wanted sex from her partner and that he was having the same problems. Either too tired to have sex or not in the mood. So, she understood where I was coming from and assured me that it wasn't a problem with me. Ok, so after our talk, I felt better about the situation, I started to get used to not having sex as much and moved on. Fast forward to now, and it's bothering me again. I really thought I was more mature then to be worrying about sex all the time but I guess not. I've started to search the net looking for dating websites. I haven't cheated and don't plan to, I'd rather break up then solve my problem with some quick fix behind her back. However, I'm really not sure what to do at this point. I really do not want to hurt her, and I know breaking up would do that. We have talked about getting married and having kids, but I just don't see it anymore. I feel like I'm just her roommate. This whole situation has me depressed. Sorry for the wall of text, I hope it makes sense. Hope you can help!
lkjh Posted July 5, 2009 Posted July 5, 2009 If she doesn't care about your needs you should find another gf. She isn't going to change and it has nothing to do with her age. Some people just have lower sex drives. There are plenty of girls out there with good sex drives
sugarmomma Posted July 5, 2009 Posted July 5, 2009 You two live together? That would be a problem and I can tell you that if you marry her it will get worse. Find someone who has a similar sex drive as you do. Ihad a friend that dated a guy that only wanted sex once every 3 months. She was able to stay with him six months and it was over. I'm sure.
Author Decks Posted July 5, 2009 Author Posted July 5, 2009 You two live together? Yeah, we have been living together for most of our relationship. That would be a problem and I can tell you that if you marry her it will get worse. Find someone who has a similar sex drive as you do. Ihad a friend that dated a guy that only wanted sex once every 3 months. She was able to stay with him six months and it was over. I'm sure. Hmm...any advice on how to break the news? This was my first real relationship with anyone.
TaraMaiden Posted July 5, 2009 Posted July 5, 2009 I think you need to broach the subject by admitting that you're missing sex again, and that it's beginning to worry you. Ask her whether she might consider counselling, because if not, you don't see this going anywhere. Speak gently with her, but don't be persuaded by empty promises of change and effort.... Good luck.
sugarmomma Posted July 6, 2009 Posted July 6, 2009 You may want to let her know that it is a problem and that you can't continue this way for much longer. HOpefully, she will listen and make some changes but I doubt it. Wow. I have never been in this situation myself but I would be long gone.
D-Lish Posted July 6, 2009 Posted July 6, 2009 I actually dated a guy with NO sex drive. It was incredibly frustrating. I actually grew to resent him. I couldn't imagine spending the rest of my life with someone under the same circumstances. I think you are going to have to tell her the reason why you are breaking up with her- she will want to know. Stay away from browsing dating sites until you work through this. Don't make yourself the bad guy- it's possible she could find out. Sorry you are facing this- I know what you are going through. I also know your relationship won't surive this. Her sex drive won't change and your needs won't diminish.
ms.stressed Posted July 6, 2009 Posted July 6, 2009 First of all I must commend your consideration and faithfulness to her but you have needs and they aren't being met. Sex is an emotional bonding mechanism when utilized by two people who care for each other. It's quite clear that you love an respect her but when physical needs are not being met, it can put a damper on the relationship. You should leave if it's not there for you anymore and you are not wrong in the reasons for leaving.
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