love sucks Posted July 5, 2009 Posted July 5, 2009 I'm in love with someone who has been a friend I've been intimate with over the last few years. She dated and was engaged to a good friend of mine. He broke up with her 6 months ago for unrelated stuff. She and I have become best of friends over the last few years while we periodically hooked up. I know it was wrong but I've felt such a tremendous connection to her, and it has been mutual. But, she is now talking again with her ex and tells me she is confused in her heart. As bad as it sounds, I've been willing to give up my friendship with him to have a relationship with her. But, now I'm at a point where I just can't be used emotionally anymore. She has given me signs all the time or at least I read into them that there is a future between us, but I am coming to realize that is less and less of a possibility. She expects me to be able to turn on and turn off my feelings for her and that is simply impossible for me to do. She is basically my best friend and knows me better than anyone in the world but the pain of not being with her and knowing that she's still in love with him is killing me. So, I'm trying to clear my head out, get over my feelings for her and still maintain my friendship with her. Telling him is not an option at this point. It would simply ruin too many lives. I know I'm being selfish and am concerned about myself and what I've done I probably deserve all of this pain that I'm feeling. But, I just need some help in how to deal with all of this. I've told her we need to take a break from talking so I can clear out my head. Basically, I'm trying to get to a point where we can still be friends while I'm not hurt if she gets back together with my friend or whatever. It just feels so darn right to me but I have zero control over that opportunity ever coming to pass. So, what do I do?
heatherb16 Posted July 5, 2009 Posted July 5, 2009 You mentioned it- NC. Try breaking off from her. I sent my ex one last text and i made a vow to myself to not contact him. I think it was the best choice for me. We would still love to be friends someday and NC is part of that process. NC will allow you to realize that you CAN be independent. You don't NEED someone. Of course it's a nice little bonus; kind of like a bonus paycheck. You WANT it, but you don't NEED it. You can still strive and be successful without it. This time will also allow emotions to settle since they are flying high right now. Take the time for yourself. Take time to have fun. Time with your friends and family. And when you are BOTH ready, a friendship may, potentially, be formed. But stay strong. And good luck!
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