butcher's hook Posted July 5, 2009 Posted July 5, 2009 A few months ago I was walking home from seeing some friends and it was late at night tons of people around great night. Just as I was getting closer to my general neighborhood I spot this guy looking at me and so I make eye contact with this man with gorgeous eyes and face. It was two people saying goodbye outside of a trendy little strip in my hood. He was getting on a motorbike and putting on his helmet and there was someone else their backs towards me. As I got closer I noticed he was following me with his eyes so I held the look as well just as I passed him he made a sort of "why hello there" expression with his eyes/eyebrows and nodded his head so I gave him a shy smile and kept moving on. I kept walking and made nothing of it, I turned the corner onto another busy street and was approaching my place when all of a sudden I hear the motor of a bike and it's him riding up next to me. So he slows down to my stride and I look over and he says "hey there how are you?" So I stop and get closer to him and the following conversation happens: me: "good and you?" him: "good good..." and he removes his helmet and says "my name is____" and extends his hand out to shake mine me: I introduce myself we shake hands him" "so I noticed you back there I think you noticed didn't you?" me: "yes" and I smile shyly again we both smile him: "so what are you up to now?" me: "just heading home and you?" him: "well just had a gallery exhibit tonight and when you saw me I was leaving that" me: "so you're an artist. what type of art do you do?" him: he tells me explains a bit we chit chat he asks me what I do for a living he takes special interest and starts to ask a few questions about that. then he says "so where were you tonight?" me: "out with friends it's such a nice night just walking home now" him: tells me where he lives which is just down from my place asks me where I live I tell him general area. him: "so... do you meet men like this a lot? how do you usually meet men?" me: "I've been approached like this before sure, but I have no specific way of meeting men, it happens how it happens (I shoot him a flirty smile). Why?" him: "oh well because now a days a lot of people do internet dating and stuff like that so I suppose this is almost like that isn't it? do you do internet dating?" me: "no, not into that. why do you ask?" him: "oh because as I said I have been working all night and I am exhausted but otherwise I would totally love to ask you out for a drink now" me: "well it's just as well it's late" We both just extend a look into each other's eyes and he holds the stare and I had to look away his eyes are piercing. But the whole exchange is super chilled we are both confident in how we are talking and looking at each other and saying quite a bit with our eyes. me: "we can do it some other time maybe...?" I suggest him: "you think?" me: nonchalantly I say "I think." and I smile him: "my god you have the most incredible smile" and his face lights up me: "so what do you think?" I change the subject back to him him: "uhhhhhm, yeahhhhh I think.... we could go out some other time, we could do that...." he fires back at me insecurely me: "well let's not force it now, it's a yes or no type answer not one to mull over in pain" and I giggle and he snickers him: "well tell you what, let's leave it up to serendipity it was that that brought us together now so we'll see what happens in the future" me "ok, sound good. good night" I smile and start to walk away. he drives away. It was the weirdest ending since he was clearling interested, and that was that. Fastforward to last night, I was out and I think I ran into him. We made eye contact again (me not realizing it was him I was just leaving a place) I was leaving he was sitting towards the front with people and it was one of those "hey I know you" type of looks from him he totally perked up to see me, and it was then I realized it was him. What do you make of what happened in that conversation the night he followed me? I have my own theories but would love to hear what others think.
Athena Posted July 5, 2009 Posted July 5, 2009 He's an artist -- so he is very visually attuned... he saw you and liked what he saw... he also saw the subtle Signs of Interest (you held his gaze as you walked past)... so he followed you to 'phish' your availability out... Since you appeared willing and available to go out on another night, methinks HE is involved with someone... at the moment, but used a lame excuse of 'leave it up to serendipity' to keep that little door ajar for a future date. After all, he'd know in which 'general area' to hang out to 'accidentally and serendipitously bump into you.' If he was completely interested and/or available, he'd have jumped at the chance to take you out. That line of his, that he was working all day or else he'd love to take you out for a drink, was him 'feeling' you out for availability and to see if you liked what you saw. What's Your take on it?
Author butcher's hook Posted July 5, 2009 Author Posted July 5, 2009 Thanks for the response Athena, yeah I thought that too. He must be with someone. But it was late it was after midnight when I saw him, and if he was coming back from his exhibit wouldn't his SO be with him? I know, not necessarily. Then last night he was sitting at the end of a table and I did not see a woman sitting next to him, of what I saw. But of course I am with someone now. Wouldn't even be thinking about this had I not ran into him... I agree about the bullsht serendipity line. I thought back then he maybe got turned off by my acceptance in his advances. Like he had a hangup meeting as we did and I didn't? Especially since he went into the whole internet dating thing and how I meet men WTF!?!? not sure why he would ask that? I dunno.... but yeah he was with someone totally makes sense.
Jilly Bean Posted July 5, 2009 Posted July 5, 2009 I think he tried to pick you up in the street to take you home for sex. When you weren't interested, game over. He wasn't interested in dating. Just in having sex. Right then and there *(well, maybe not on the street - lol). He obviously struck out in the bars, and it was a last chance effort to find sex before the night ended. If he were interested in dating, he would have asked your number, OR, approached you the second time you saw each other. And I disagree about him having a SO. I think he was just out for sex, hon.
Author butcher's hook Posted July 5, 2009 Author Posted July 5, 2009 Yeah I definitely thought about the getting laid thing too but he did have a chance to ask me to go for that drink that same night if he wanted to get laid he would have asked me "what are you doing now let's go for a drink and then try to get laid that night" instead he said " I am exhausted otherwise I would ask you for a drink now" and he didn't. He was not coming from a bar that night he came out of the art gallery around my place, he claims he was there for his exhibit. Last night I was with my guy, he could/would not approach me.
Jilly Bean Posted July 5, 2009 Posted July 5, 2009 Yeah I definitely thought about the getting laid thing too but he did have a chance to ask me to go for that drink that same night if he wanted to get laid he would have asked me "what are you doing now let's go for a drink and then try to get laid that night" instead he said " I am exhausted otherwise I would ask you for a drink now" and he didn't. He was not coming from a bar that night he came out of the art gallery around my place, he claims he was there for his exhibit. Last night I was with my guy, he could/would not approach me. He did ask you out that night. The whole, "oh, I'm tired, but I'd love to take you out" thing, was his way of gauging your interest, and therefore, his ability to get you in bed that night. When you didn't bite, he lost interest and moved on. He was just looking to get laid. Nothing more.
Author butcher's hook Posted July 5, 2009 Author Posted July 5, 2009 He didn't ask me out, he jumped the gun and said he was too tired to do anything that night. Would a woman actually respond to that "ok well I just live down here wanna come up to my place?"
Jilly Bean Posted July 5, 2009 Posted July 5, 2009 Look, you asked what people made of the encounter, and I gave you my opinion. You seem to want to believe his interest was deep and meaningful, and I think he was just looking to get laid. I'm not going to argue it any more, hon. See it anyway you choose...
mammax3 Posted July 5, 2009 Posted July 5, 2009 That is an odd encounter. I lean towards the idea that he has a girlfriend. Ever seen the movie "Serendipity"? It's the exact same idea and they cross paths all the time. It's very sexy, actually. I think it's sort of romantic.
Author butcher's hook Posted July 5, 2009 Author Posted July 5, 2009 No, I do agree it could very well have been that. I think you know about this more than I do Jilly Bean! I've met men like this before that turned into boyfriends so it's not my natural tendency to resort to, "oh he must just want sex" I appreciate your experience!
Stockalone Posted July 5, 2009 Posted July 5, 2009 Well, he is either crazy or wanted a ONS. Depending on the size of the city you live, it can be very unlikely that you ever cross paths again, despite living in the same general area. I liked the movie Serendipity, but I wouldn't risk that IRL. But he is an artist, which means he could think very well have a crazy side and think that would be fun. But the cynic in me thinks ONS. Why else would you follow a women that caught your eye while passing by you late at night only to not get her number or plan a date if you have the chance. He had an exhibit earlier that night. He was in a good mood and then he sees a beautiful woman. Might as well try to see if there is chance to take her home that night as the grand finale. With him being a busy artist who has no time to date or no interest when there are women who are okay with FWB and all.
Author butcher's hook Posted July 5, 2009 Author Posted July 5, 2009 Stock I appreciate an answer from a guy. I agree with everything you said!! My city is weird you either see people all the time or never again He lives in my general neighbourhood it is actually likely we would run in again. We did last night but in a totally different part of town where all these hip new hot spots are.
Athena Posted July 5, 2009 Posted July 5, 2009 I thought back then he maybe got turned off by my acceptance in his advances. Like he had a hangup meeting as we did and I didn't? Especially since he went into the whole internet dating thing and how I meet men WTF!?!? not sure why he would ask that? I dunno.... but yeah he was with someone totally makes sense. Just a thought, but the Internet Dating question might have been based on Awkwardness on his part, OR -- crazy postulation here... perhaps HE does the online thing and thought you looked like a girl online a dating site... who knows... I did also think he might have been put off slightly when you steered the conversation back to the meeting up for a drink another time thing... dunno why.. but maybe he didn't like the way you did it <shrug>
Author butcher's hook Posted July 5, 2009 Author Posted July 5, 2009 I did also think he might have been put off slightly when you steered the conversation back to the meeting up for a drink another time thing... dunno why.. but maybe he didn't like the way you did it <shrug> See that's exactly what I was thinking, like he didn't like my boldness of accepting the situation for what it was. To me it's natural if two people see each other and like what they see to talk and take it from there I have no hangups about that. I love it when men have the guts to approach me in odd situations. But we live in a society that sees that as some sort of sign of I don't know what.... The thing is this happens to me often, just two weeks ago I was going to work and sat down next to a guy on the train and he started chatting me up about a book I am reading. So when this happens in broad daylight I am just used to this kind of thing and don't wonder "oh he is trying to get laid". Given the context of this situation my insecurity is that because it was late at night and I was walking alone, he was not some drunken jerk leaving a bar it seemed like he was talking himself into justifying how we met...that is what was bizarre, and I wasn't phased. But his questioning me on it was like he was wondering if I do this often. Basically judging me on what he was trying to do! Picking me up on the street.
Stockalone Posted July 5, 2009 Posted July 5, 2009 Stock I appreciate an answer from a guy. Although it does have some romantic appeal in theory, the Serendipity line is plain weird. Life isn't a hollywood movie. I am glad that you have met another guy and thus can review artist guy's behaviour in a light-hearted way with a smile on your face. ""so... do you meet men like this a lot? how do you usually meet men?" ... oh well because now a days a lot of people do internet dating and stuff like that so I suppose this is almost like that isn't it? do you do internet dating?" Keep in mind that this is the cynic in me talking, but when I read that, I thought he meant "So... do you usually let men pick you up when you meet them at a bar or when they introduce themselves to you in the streets like I do right now? ... oh well because nowadays a lot of people are looking for no strings attached sex on the internet. I know I do and this isn't that much different. Are you into that too? Or do you not do things like that?" Obviously, he might just have been a poor fellow who didn't really know what to say and was nervous. But then, it is unlikely that he would have had the guts to approach you the way he did. It's difficult not to draw the conclusion that he was merely looking for some casual sex like so many guys are. And if a guy doesn't ask for a number or a date during such a conversation, he inevitably gets lumped together with those guys (justified or not). This is one of the things I like about being a guy, I usually don't have to worry about women aproaching me and wondering what their intentions are. PS: Sorry for the spelling errors in my previous post.
Author butcher's hook Posted July 5, 2009 Author Posted July 5, 2009 Although it does have some romantic appeal in theory, the Serendipity line is plain weird. Life isn't a hollywood movie. No there was no hollywood appeal to this for me at all, I saw through it just wasn't sure what was on the other side. I am glad that you have met another guy and thus can review artist guy's behavior in a light-hearted way with a smile on your face. As I said this kind of thing happens to me often enough just never ends quite as that did, it's just 'cause I ran into him last night and seeing his expression when he saw me of his face light up and it was like he was saying oh "it's you again!" that it made me think back to how weird that was. It wasn't until I left that I pegged who he was. Keep in mind that this is the cynic in me talking, but when I read that, I thought he meant "So... do you usually let men pick you up when you meet them at a bar or when they introduce themselves to you in the streets like I do right now? ... oh well because nowadays a lot of people are looking for no strings attached sex on the internet. I know I do and this isn't that much different. Are you into that too? Or do you not do things like that?" Exactly Stockalone!!! I totally read judgment on his part as well. That was my thing, I felt like he was judging me, so it would make perfect sense he would do that considering he was trying to see if I would suggest something impromptu like "let's go back to my place" but...too bad so sad for him. That is really the point I wanted to get at when I posted this, if you meet a person at a book shop in the afternoon and exchange glances and strike up a conversation it is a Hollywood romance in the making. If the exact same thing happens at night on the street it is a porn in the making. The psychology behind how people see initiating romance is just interesting to me. Some women would not even talk to a man in broad daylight and some men would feel creepy approaching a woman even in broad daylight. I just don't see it as creepy but because I don't a situation like this escapes me.
torranceshipman Posted July 5, 2009 Posted July 5, 2009 Maybe it's just me but I found the random discussing of internet dating the oddest thing here! Maybe he was rambling because he was nervous I think it'd be a bit jaded to automatically assume he was just after a ONS. Who knows if he was, but the sweetness/romantic nature of that particular moment when you met and interacted like that was very cute, and I say just appreciate the memory of the sweet little moment...I bet you'll see him round again.
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