confuzed25 Posted July 5, 2009 Posted July 5, 2009 OK so I have had this dilemma for over a year now. I started working as a server at a steakhouse last summer just as a second job while I was in nursing school. From the first day I started there I have had the biggest attraction towards the assistant manager who is only 4 years older than me. I could tell he was interested in me also. Well its been a year now and during that span we flirt constantly, even when he had a girlfriend. He was not happy with her but still it doesnt make it right and I know that. Everyone at works knows we like each other, people have mentioned to me that they can tell he likes me by the way he looks at me. Well him and his girlfriend broke up about a month ago and since then we have grown really close. At first he was asking to take me out to dinner and hang out alot but I didnt feel like I wanted to be with him at all. I was just attracted to him and liked flirting. He would say how it would be us together going on vacation this summer and he would do anything for me if I would just give him a chance. But I pretty much blew him off and he got kind of mad. But now these last couple weeks we are back to flirting again and we have been going out on his motorcycle and he has taken me out to lunch. Last weekend he took me out on the motorcycle for some barhopping and at the first bar we were having a great time and somehow we got to talking about relationships and he got kind of weird and said "well like how do we know who we're supposed to be with? I wish I knew who I was supposed to be with." And I asked him what he meant and he said "what if its supposed to be you and I together?" It kind of weirded me out and I didnt say much and instead turned the conversation to asking him about this girl he was kind of dating. He said he isnt really interested in her anymore and he woke up this morning thinking about me, not her. Once again I didnt really say anything so we stopped talking about it. I was pretty quiet and not myself for the rest of the night and he was rubbing my back and kind of had his arm around me like we were together. But ever since that night Ive gotten this huge feeling like I really really want to be with him. Ive never felt this way towards him...I feel like I really want to date him. But this whole week hes been kind of different....like he doesnt seem as interested and hasnt asked me to hang out. I asked him if he had plans tonight and he said "sorry cutie but yes i do have plans." And he didnt invite me which im 90% sure means he is doing something with a girl. The other night at work he was on the phone, hiding in the office and when I poked my head in the door to say goodbye he kind of acted like I had caught him doing something wrong and he acted embarrassed and awkward. So I think he was talking to a girl....I mean it was 11:00 at night and he acted like he didnt want me to see him on the phone. I dont know what to do or what to think....Ive actually been kind of bummed this whole week because it was always him wanting me, and now I feel like I want to be with him and he doesnt seem interested anymore or something. maybe its my imagination. I know it never works out well to date your boss but I wont be there much longer...I am getting a nursing job in a month or so. So does it sound like he wants to be with me? What should I do? Keep trying or just let him come to me? Talk to him about it?
Athena Posted July 5, 2009 Posted July 5, 2009 Hmm, looks like he got the message that you are not interested in him. And finally, when he backed off, you kinda missed all the attention and want him to pursue you... what's going to happen when he gets all 'weird' and WANTS you?... you gonna run away again? I think at this point you have two options -- either let it go, or tell him you've been thinking things over and are ready to be with him and give a real relationship a chance between the two of you... take it from there... see if he will take you up on that. Otherwise, you blew it.
dreamergrl Posted July 5, 2009 Posted July 5, 2009 I agree with the above poster. You made it clear in many ways you did not want to date him. Now you want to, why? Because he backed off. I don't think you want to date him, I think you want what you can't have.
Ruby Slippers Posted July 5, 2009 Posted July 5, 2009 I think he's playing games. At what point did she reject him or shut him down? I think he's trying to bait her interest by seeing other women, or pretending to, and it's working. The other possibility is that you did blow him off, and now you are feeling the pull of the chase. If that is the case... you blew him off; let him go. Either way, I'm seeing the suggestion of games from one side or the other. Cat and mouse. Not good.
Brady_to_Moss Posted July 5, 2009 Posted July 5, 2009 You shouldnt have blown him off.....now he's pressing the NEXT button. Hate to say it but you blew it. Move on.
whichwayisup Posted July 5, 2009 Posted July 5, 2009 Sorry to say this, but it sounds more like your ego is hurting that he isn't chasing you anymore and he's moved on. This is the typical cat/mouse game. Even if you two did get together, it probably wouldn't last because of your dynamtic with eachother. It was fun, flirty and not serious.
Author confuzed25 Posted July 5, 2009 Author Posted July 5, 2009 well i didnt really blow him off....i had legitimate reasons for turning him down. he just didnt see them as legitimate. and i dont feel this way because he isnt chasing me anymore or because my ego is hurting....because he has acted this way before. like distanced himself and started talking to another girl, and i didnt even care because i never felt i wanted to be with him. but now suddenly i feel like i want to be his girlfriend so bad and now this time that hes pulling away again its driving me crazy. he had asked me last weekend when we were hanging out if i wanted to go on a long motorcycle ride today with him and his family but then he didnt mention it again all week and i havent heard from him this morning so im guessing he changed his mind about me going. i just dont get it.....we still flirted at work all week and there was that awkward tension between us that there always has been because we like each other but no one else is supposed to know. But it just wasnt the same somehow...he just wasnt himself and he didnt ask me to hang out anytime soon like he usually does. i guess i will have to leave the ball in his court....he knows i am interested, now hes going to have to decide what he wants
Author confuzed25 Posted July 6, 2009 Author Posted July 6, 2009 so he just texted me a little bit ago out of nowhere saying "i see a lightning bug and i think of you." because we have this inside joke about lightning bugs. it took me by surprise because we hardly ever text each other and even more so because he 1. was thinking about me and 2. he texted me to tell me he was thinking about me. grrrr hes so confusing!!!
D-Lish Posted July 6, 2009 Posted July 6, 2009 I'm not sure why it's confusing. He did try to date you, and you turned him down. Regardless whether or not you see it as a legitimate reason, it's rejection. He doesn't sound too serious anyway. He was flirting heavily with you while dating someone else.... It seems he often has another girl available. Maybe he's a bit of a player, looking to get some tail. I think you're interested because he is acting like he isn't. Some of his lines also sound textbook playah.
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