silktricks Posted July 7, 2009 Posted July 7, 2009 Horsecrap right back at you. Anyone with half a brain remembers. You'd need a lobotomy to do otherwise. There's a difference between remembering and REMEMBERING, if you get my drift. Of course I remember what happened - I'm not brain dead. But I don't think about it. I don't dwell on it. It doesn't come into my mind unless I'm specifically reminded about it. Forgive and forget does not mean that you have your brain sliced up, it means that it no longer intrudes on your life. It's at worst a faint background noise... I remember when my sister pushed me off the swing when I was a little girl, and I remember the spanking I got after throwing rocks at her for it.. but I certainly don't dwell upon either event, nor does it impact my day to day life
LakesideDream Posted July 8, 2009 Posted July 8, 2009 Forgive and Forget? I'm not sure. In my case five years after the divorce (25 year marriage, she cheated 23 years, same guy)... I woke up one day and realized I didn't care anymore. No feelings about it strong enough to move me, other than bitterness. It's nine years now and I'm still bitter, although not so that it bothers me. My bitterness is more intellectual now. Losing 25 years, literally the best years I'll ever have is something to be bitter about. It took awhile, but in the end events of the past just faded away, at least in my case.
Athena Posted July 8, 2009 Posted July 8, 2009 IME, it bothers me to read how some of these WSs cry and proclaim their love for their BSs. For me I couldn't utter those to words to H because I had already cheapened the meaning by my actions and my H would think I'm a continual liar. OFGnomore, I suggest you do tell your H you love him (and to other WS reading this post) even if you did stray on him... unless you didn't anymore... but if you knew you loved him, but felt you cheapened the words "I love you" by cheating, then at least tell him exactly that -- that you are aware your actions 'cheapened' your telling him you love him, but you do. A betrayed spouse needs to know that you still love him/her.... (or not)... but at least tell them the truth, otherwise it's further punishing them...
Athena Posted July 8, 2009 Posted July 8, 2009 Forgive and Forget? I'm not sure. In my case five years after the divorce (25 year marriage, she cheated 23 years, same guy)... I woke up one day and realized I didn't care anymore. No feelings about it strong enough to move me, other than bitterness. It's nine years now and I'm still bitter, although not so that it bothers me. My bitterness is more intellectual now. Losing 25 years, literally the best years I'll ever have is something to be bitter about. It took awhile, but in the end events of the past just faded away, at least in my case. Lakey, did falling in love with MW finally 'release' you somewhat from the pain of betrayal? Did it help?
Author bridgett83 Posted July 11, 2009 Author Posted July 11, 2009 Athena- I think it was owl that said this...divorce is the only way to end up with self respect or something like that. I believe that and want that. But I do feel trapped. But trapped by my own feelings. I love him to death, even after all that he's done. I've never loved someone like this before, it's not the easiest thing to explain. So for that, I can't see myself divorcing him. I am very street smart and have a great amount of common sense, but in this situation, I am stuck. I battle with my feelings everyday, we fight everyday, usually because I'm thinking of the affair and to top it off, he's the laziest person I have ever met. Not work wise, he does work and hard too, but when it comes to doing anything for himself at home, OMG!!!!! His legs would break if he had to bend over to move his work boots out of the middle of the floor! I go crazy over things like that. Is that normal or is it still a projection of my anger towards the affair?
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