Hoosier09 Posted July 4, 2009 Posted July 4, 2009 This is a repost from the break up section (I hope that's allowed) because I feel that I need some long distance relationship advice. I got advice from someone but I need some verification. Here is the original post. If you could, click this to read the advice because that's really what I need to know. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?p=2256078&posted=1#post2256078 My first ever break up...How do I continue with my life? My girlfriend just broke up with me a few days ago. We got together July 21st last year. It's crazy how it worked out but it was an amazing LDR. I live in America and she's in the UK, but we can see each other about every three months. We had a chance to be together for a long time...and we just spent 6 months together. I'm 18 and we're both starting school in the fall and I'm staying here and she's staying there. I was an idiot. I took her for granted. We were so close...talking about being together forever. We didn't take it slow like we should have. We gave each other everything and well we were practically like a married couple. I got too comfortable and started taking her for granted. She never really told me how she was feeling and I should have picked up on it but I didn't. When I got back home 2 weeks ago, she told me. I didn't realize how much I was hurting her and I have apologized profusely. The last 2 weeks have been a roller coaster and she's changed her mind countless times. She finally broke it off 3 days ago. I just think it was so fast. She won't give me another chance and I guess I don't blame her. I just don't see how she can throw away what we had. Before, the distance didn't matter...we weren't going to give up. Now, she says she can't cope with the distance. She still wants to stay friends and we're talking on skype kinda like we would if we were dating...all the time. I'm so confused. Her mom emailed me saying she cried and cried and cried the day after and told her she still loved me but then she tells me she doesn't know how she feels and just wants to stay friends. I don't understand the difference of talking on Skype all the time as friends and then talking all the time dating and then seeing each other when we can. Surely she still misses me both ways and at least we're together if we're dating. I think she's afraid of getting hurt again. Anyways...that's not the point. How do I continue? I can't eat. I can't motivate myself to do anything. My good friends have been helping me but they can't be with me all the time. It's summer and I have about 2 months before college. I can't get a job because no one really hires for 2 months. I try to tell myself that she's not right for me but I love her to death and I can't lie to myself. I love her and feel I always will. I don't see how I could ever get over this. Has anyone gone through this and had it all and lost it all? I'm hoping she just needs time and will decide it is worth it and try again.
Island Girl Posted July 4, 2009 Posted July 4, 2009 I second the advice you got from Exit on your other thread. NC is for you to step away and get stronger by yourself FOR yourself. And it also allows the other person to miss you and possibly realize what they have lost or walked away from. If you maintain contact all you are doing is giving that other person access to all of the other things they got from you and the relationship like a shoulder to cry on if they had a bad day, or that person that knows them so well - essentially the friendship they had and built while in the relationship with you. Contact allows them access to all of that without having any commitment and can seek out other people romantically as well. You need to focus on yourself. Especially if you lost sight of yourself in the relationship and stopped doing things for yourself individually. A healthy relationship is two whole people together because they want to be. It should not be a need. That other person should add to your life not be ALL of it. Clingy desperation is never attractive. Strength and confidence is always attractive.
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