Inflikted Posted July 4, 2009 Posted July 4, 2009 I suppose this may not necessarily be the most appropriate board for this message (after all, this technically isn't about a break-up), but I figure it just makes more sense here than anywhere else. Some of you have probably heard my story before, but I don't want to go into too much detail, so to sum it up, there's a girl that I've felt very very strongly about (more than any other girl I've ever met), for most of my life, believe it or not. Admittedly, we haven't seen each other in person in a few years, but for the last year or so, we've been communicating a bit through MySpace. When I first wrote her, she seemed very happy to hear from me. We wrote back and forth for months, and I wanted to see if I could get things off the ground with her finally, but it was... complicated. I finally asked her about meeting up, in a light, casual, friendly way, but I did so at kind of a messy time in her life, and she ended up just kind of blowing me off and never getting back to me. Embarrassed and defeated, I didn't write her for a while, but then I sucked it up and wrote her after a few months, and she seemed to be willing to write with me again. Then she got kinda flaky with me again, and I decided to try one more time, so I wrote up a big message, explaining myself a bit more, letting on a teeny bit more than I probably should've, and asked her about meeting up one more time, and again, no answer. To be fair, though, I don't even know for sure that she got this second, bigger message, because of a computer glitch on my end. :/ The one question that's been burning in my brain ever since is, simply: Why? What's so bad about me, so wrong with me, that I can't even get her to meet up with me for a simple friendly little chat? I mean, I certainly never expected to see her again and have both of us fall into some whirlwind magical romance. All I've ever wanted was the chance to get to show her what kind of guy I am; maybe she'd like me, maybe not. I know the "healthiest" thing to do would probably be to just "move on". But I wish it were that simple. I've tried many many times to let go of it all, and move on from it, but I just can't stop thinking about her. I keep wondering if maybe I can try a different approach; almost like this is like a puzzle or a riddle, and I just haven't figured out the right answer, yet. But it always comes back to the "Why?". Even if I still have the chance to try a different approach, I need to know why the last two (or one, if she didn't get that second message) didn't work. Tell ya the truth, I don't know what I hope to hear on this board. Obviously, none of you guys know what's going on in her head as to the "Why?" aspect. I can think of a few things that might make her a bit wary about me, but that'd just be speculation. I wish there were a way to get her to talk to me about whatever it is, but it's such a delicate situation, I'm terrified to write her anymore without doing a LOT of pre-planning, for fear that I'll push her even further away. :/
asuman Posted July 4, 2009 Posted July 4, 2009 How old are you two? This doesn't sound like a good way to try and create a romantic situation with a girl. Since your only way of communicating was through the Internet, you should have kept the conversation extremely light and casual and somehow built things up into an actual meeting. Not a date per se, but at least a person to person meeting where you could say hi. Then, having met her again, I would have asked her out on a proper date. You got way ahead of yourself here, instead. I feel pretty confident that she was scared off by the serious emails you sent her about how much you liked her. That just comes off as kind of weird.
Author Inflikted Posted July 4, 2009 Author Posted July 4, 2009 Well, I never really gushed on her as to how much I liked her, or anything like that. I pretty much did keep things light and casual for a while; I even hinted about the idea of seeing her in person "some time" and she responded fairly positively. Then when I sent that first message about meeting with her, that's when she kinda flaked out.
asuman Posted July 4, 2009 Posted July 4, 2009 There's not much you can do in such a situation. If you asked to meet her once and she just blew you off, you pretty much have nowhere to go from there but to write it off. Instead, you tried again, and got blown off again. A valiant effort on your part but I would write it off if I were you.
asuman Posted July 5, 2009 Posted July 5, 2009 Why don't you just call her? Agreed. Nothing to lose. Just don't go all stalker on her.
Author Inflikted Posted July 5, 2009 Author Posted July 5, 2009 Why don't you just call her? Don't have her phone number. Er, well, technically, I do know her number, but she never actually "officially" gave it to me. I just kinda stumbled upon it accidentally. 'Course, I'd never just call her without having her given it to me officially, because that'd probably be pretty creepy. Agreed. Nothing to lose. Just don't go all stalker on her. Eh, I don't think I'd say my "obsession" is stalker-like; if anything, I'm more like a little puppy dog trying to catch her attention and hope she throws me a bone. Not that that's really much better, I suppose. True, I'm interested in seeing if there's any potential for a relationship, but at the very least, I just want to know why she won't even give me a chance. I know that sounds really neurotic and "obsessive compulsive" of me, but I just want to know what went wrong, from her point of view.
asuman Posted July 7, 2009 Posted July 7, 2009 Anything else to say, anyone? You've reached a dead end, dude. You can't force answers from someone who doesn't want to talk, and you can't force someone to go out with you who's not particularly interested. That's just the way things go.
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