Author fani Posted July 5, 2009 Author Posted July 5, 2009 I don't have AIM. I can't do this. I can't not be with him. Somebody help me get him back please. I thought I could just wait but I can't. I really can't I need him now.
asuman Posted July 5, 2009 Posted July 5, 2009 I don't have AIM. I can't do this. I can't not be with him. Somebody help me get him back please. I thought I could just wait but I can't. I really can't I need him now. You need to build up your support system, fani. This means turning for help to: parents, family members you trust, close friends, mentors, your church pastor, or other people in positions of responsibility and trust. You do need professional help right now. If you can't access it at the moment, then ask someone in the above group to see if they can find out how to get you access. Please follow up on this.
Thomas X Forever Posted July 5, 2009 Posted July 5, 2009 Listen to Asuman. That's my dude, he knows what he's talking about. And keep talking to us here. We'll all be here.
Author fani Posted July 6, 2009 Author Posted July 6, 2009 It is impossible to get any councelling where I live fast... think it's an area of a very screwed up people!! I've turned to friends, I feel so bad going running to them so often because of this, but they all say thats what they are here for. Spoken to my brother a bit, obviously he's doin the protective big brother bit, sayin if he ever sees him he's gonna kill him. N even spoke to my mum about it (something that doesn't happen very often) she came in my room thismorning askin if i was ready for work, n i just burst into tears and cried at her for about 20 minutes. I know I have all these people around me, but I'm sure pretty much everybody agrees that it will never replace the one who you so desperatly are wanting to talk to...
Thomas X Forever Posted July 6, 2009 Posted July 6, 2009 I know I have all these people around me, but I'm sure pretty much everybody agrees that it will never replace the one who you so desperatly are wanting to talk to... So very true. This makes me want to cry.
Author fani Posted July 6, 2009 Author Posted July 6, 2009 I have spent today at work, Trying my hardest not to all day, calling a friend on my lunch break in stead of calling him. But, since I got home I've been thinking. I think he's having a break down. I hadn't thought of it before, I've only seen it happen twice before with him. When I was there, he shaved his head. I know that means like NOTHING to people, but it's what he does instead of hurting himself. Although, he knows I think he looks better with hair...so that could be a nother reason instead... Spoke briefly on MSN (he talked to me first) n he was very down n depressed... but like I think I've said before, me and his sister are the only people on his MSN list, and he lives with her...so wouldn't have come on unless to talk to me or even see if I'm there right? My head is very messed up today
Thomas X Forever Posted July 6, 2009 Posted July 6, 2009 To know psychology, you must know that sometimes there is no psychology to someone. Why he did/does the things he does, only he may know. It may not have a rhyme or reason to "normal" people. Or level headed ones. This guy sounds like a jackass.
Author fani Posted July 6, 2009 Author Posted July 6, 2009 He is, I know he is, but in my mind, he is still my jackass...
Author fani Posted July 7, 2009 Author Posted July 7, 2009 I was an idiot. I rang him when i finished work today. I don't know why. He sounded ok, almost happy to hear from me, we talked about what he'd been up to (hadn't gone to bed, workin on a new art peice) bout how the babies are (three rats we bought together that live with him) his sister was in the room so said hi to her. Then i told him that I'm not giving up. that I've realised my jelousy got out of control and I am sorry for that. his reply was "whatever doesn't matter now" You can imagine what this did to my heart... I got home from work crying, the rain didn't help. Lots and lots of shouting and crying down the phone to my best friend who has been amazing through this. I logged onto msn, n there was an offine message from him from hours ago (before i rang) tellin me bout the art piece. He startin talkin to me soon as he got online, not about the phone call, just normal stuff. This was at 6...he hasn't stopped talking. Obviouly I'm talkin too. It's exactly the same jsut without the I love yous, it doesn't feel akward in the slightest. I told him summit my mum said bout my gran( she isn't dead or anything) but something that sucks a little bit, n he said "Watch South park with me? That'll make you happy". Tiny probably insignificant things I know...but he's still caring about my happiness... I do not like being confused
Thomas X Forever Posted July 7, 2009 Posted July 7, 2009 I'm gonna make you face what you don't want to. You're going to get OBLITERATED soon. He ISN'T BACK WITH YOU. And he ISN'T GOING TO BE. He is going to use you til he is done missing you, and disconnects 100%. Everytime you talk to him, he gets a little further from you, while you think you're getting closer, he's letting go bit by bit. You are WELL on your way to a few miles BELOW rock bottom. You're gonna crash and burn so bad that it's gonna light up the whole nation. If you don't have the courage to stop this cycle, then you're going to die inside. YOU ARE MAKING THIS WORSE ON YOURSELF BY DRAGGING IT OUT. When it hits you, when it REALLY hits you, it's gonna be all the worse that you drug it out. FIND THE STRENGTH IN YOU YOU DON'T KNOW YOU HAVE, and swallow yourself with it. Or else...
Author fani Posted July 8, 2009 Author Posted July 8, 2009 I do not have strength, I never had, that is why I depended so much on him in the first place. Couples get back together all the time, it happens...I don't want to hear about whether they last afterwards or not because I know many don't. I've joined a support thing for people who's significant others have bipolar disorder. They have all told me that they have been though this, that it is common amongst sufferers. That if I am serious about wanting to still be with him I have to stand by and be there. I can't not have him in my life. NC is simply not an option for me.
Thomas X Forever Posted July 8, 2009 Posted July 8, 2009 Forgive me, please, but I hate your weakness. It frankly is sickening to me. You are doing such a disgusting disservice to yourself that it makes all of humanity look bad. You aren't going to die now that you've lost him. You're still breathing. For God's sake, don't say things like "i can't" and "i'm not strong enough." It's just pitiful, because you are strong enough. You just are being weak minded and telling yourself you aren't. Self fulfilling prophecy. Such a shame. The pressure you're putting on him by being this way, is probably going to wreck him. This relationship is hardcore doomed, because you refuse to find the strength in yourself. You need someone who cares about you to grab you and shake the sense into you, screaming WAKE UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! STOP SAYING YOU AREN'T STRONG ENOUGH. YOU WEREN'T BORN WITH HIM CONNECTED TO YOUR HIP. YOU SURVIVED BEFORE YOU'LL SURVIVE AFTER. PERIOD ...Please understand I'm telling you this not to be mean, not to be a jerk, not to beat you up, but to get you to wake up and free yourself. You have to find the strength, you can find the strength. You will. You do have value, all on your own. Your own value. You've got it. You've got that value in you. Everyone else can see it.
Author fani Posted July 8, 2009 Author Posted July 8, 2009 I've been ok today. Had a good laugh at work, and went over to a friends and her boyfriends who cooked us dinner. I love being with those two....but I'm sure like everytbody, after a while being in with a loving couple takes its toll. I just got home and came on to check my emails, logged into MSN quickly and there was a message from 8pm from him saying "Vyvs got a tumour" Vyv is one of our rats we brought together that live with him. One of them died in janurary from cancer and I was left devistated, and I still get upset by it sometimes, and he knows this. I immediatly grabbed my phone, pressed speedial and ring him...he cancelled the calll...I sent a text making the reason for my calling clear. "Sorry to ring. Got message about Vyv. Whats happened?" I rang a few minutes later and he cancelled it again. I know that pretty much means he isn't going to talk to me. But why would he jsut tell me that one line which he know will upset me so much, and then not tell me any details about it. He knows that the rats are one of the most important things to me, and that it is so hard that I dont know when I am getting to see them again, and he just goes and says that and then doesn't bother giving a crap about telling me wahts actually happened. I'm sorry I'm jsut so upset and so angry. I've left him an offline message, saying 'Does she really? How big? Is it like Tg's? Have you taken her to the vet? Please text me and tell me' The chancees that he just cancelled the call because he is asleep are minimal. I've only known him o be in bed by this time 3 times...twice wa when we hadn't gone to bed the night before....and the other was when he had flu. I know neither have happened. I feel like such a bitch...because I can't stop thinking that if she does have a tumour, she will die, maybe he will get really upset(which i know will happen) and somehow realise that he does want me (something which I seriously doubt would happen.)
dashing daisy Posted July 22, 2009 Posted July 22, 2009 Basically this guy treats you like ****, and you run after him? He is purposefully doing things that he knows will hurt you, and then ignoring you when you try to get in touch. Why do you want someone who treats you this way?
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